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OMG! Are our families related? This sounds oddly familiar. I know and understand exactly what you are feeling and going thru.
My husband and I have something similar going on with his family too. What worked for us is that we pulled away from his family. We do not call them for anything anymore. This includes the kids birthdays, holidays, their birthdays. We have put way too many efforts into having a relationship with them and we are done being walked all over and bad mouthed without reason. Now that we do things our way regardless of what they think or feel it seems like they make a little (not much) more of an effort to try to be involved with our lives.