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I had inlaws that I SWORE was going to barge into the labor room. I didn't want them in there and defintaly didn't want them seeing my private parts on Broadway as is (All the bright lights) So when I went in, I made sure I was fairly far along before I called DF and made him wait until I was at an 8 to tell his parents and let them know that they could come WHEN We called. In their defense. I also have an older sister that thought she was going to be in there. I told the orderlies not to let ANYONE in without consulting with me first.
Did anyone else have inlaws wanting to be in on the action? How do you handle that without hurting feelings or getting stepped on?
Oh boy this is the fight that started it all! My MIL automatically assumed she would be in the delivery room. The other DIL that has kids, her grandkids, allowed whoever wanted to to be in there. I was like I don't even want my own mother in there seeing that why would I want a woman I don't even know little lone one who doesn't like me? I assured her that me and my husband were to be the only ones in the room. She got ticked off at me b/c "Jen let everyone be there"...I said well I am not Jen and never will be don't you know people are different? For pete's sake Jen sticks her boob out in front of the whole dang family to feed her babies and I am not doing that either...I guess that makes me a horrible person too? She thought that because her other daughter in law has never had any boundaries whatsoever with the kids that I would be the same. Thankfully it was an easy task for me to accomplish b/c we lived in another state 350 miles away from MIL when I was pregnant and had the baby. Thank the good Lord in Heaven! My BIL called my husband when I was IN LABOR and yelled at him because I didn't want anyone there....apparently not wanting 2000 people looking at my hoo ha meant I didn't want anyone at the hospital period. So my husband called her and told her the baby was here and the stats. and she didn't want to come to the hospital. Finally around 10 pm her and BIL and his wife showed up. It makes it very hard to have boundaries and enforce them when she's used to doing what she wants with the other DIL.....I have lots of stories but this was the one that started it all.....
One thing they should remember is that this is the start of your new family. You deserve and need time alone with your husband and your new baby before anyone else is brought into the equation. It is a moment for you and your husband that the two of you should cherish together.....that's my opinion anyways.
Well, we didn't have too much of a problem because they live so far away. I was sure she'd insist on coming like 2 weeks before my DD and stay forever and there was no way she was going to be in there. For all the usual reasons and because she was a nurse and I didn't want to hear any advice. But thankfully my FIL comes from a family that believes staying more than 4 days at anyone's house is imposing, and though they will often stay for a week, hardly ever longer than that. So he scheduled them to come at the beginning of Sept. after they would be quite sure the baby would be here since I was due Aug 14. As it turned out he was only 1 1/2 weeks old when they arrived for a week. I'm nervous about this one though because I'm having a scheduled c/s. While that means that there is no way for her to be in the delivery room, I'd rather they wait a week or so again and I'm not sure if that will happen since we will know the date the baby will be born. I want my parents to come when the baby is born and watch Sam while we are in the hospital and then my mom will stay for another week to help out. It would be nice if my ILs came when she leaves so we don't have so many people in the house and it wouldn't hurt to have extra help for longer after the c/s instead of having all the help at once, kwim? And there is no way under the sun that I will leave my son with my ILs over night. A few hours is fine as long as FIL is there too but I wouldn't leave him alone with MIL for anything!
You know the date the baby will be here....does she need to know? Just tell her when you want her to come and explain it all to her. While she may not be happy she will have to respect your wishes right? Easier said than done I know......I'd like to think it's that easy.
Let's hope it's that easy. Hopefully, DH will be onboard with my reasoning too but if he isn't that makes it much more difficult. He doesn't see why I wouldn't want to leave Sam with them. (1. she scares me with her incompetence, but if for no other reason than he know my parents the best and will be most comfortable with them). If she throws a hissy fit because my mom got to be there with Sam and she wants to be there this time, I may lose on them waiting to come when I want but she may just be ok with it. You really can never tell with her, it's so unpredictable. If they do come I can tell you that Sam will be staying with my parents, at the very least, my mom wouldn't let him stay with her either so she will just come and make sure she keeps an eye on things. If I can't stop his mom then he can't stop mine!
I made it very clear I didn't want anyone there. Through the labor or actual delivery. I was uncomfortable and in pain, the last thing I wanted was to have to make small talk or to have people sitting around looking at me like I was a ###### zoo animal.
She didn't seem to be getting it so when I went into labor I informed the nurses I didn't want anyone allowed in except my DH and that my in-laws were pushy.
The were more than happy to be my body guards and said if anyone attempted she would advise them the baby and I were under too much stress and only one person (DH) could be in the room.
I really don't get these women. Once you've had a child of your own you should understand that space is needed during this time. Stay the heck away until your INVITED! I will certainly want to see my grand children when they arrive in this world. But I can surely wait until the freaking cord is cut. LOL ...