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She doesn't want us to visit


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  #1  
September 2nd, 2008, 10:40 PM
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I know my inlaws and I don't really have the best of histories. I called DF's brother a dork and I was 'uninvited' to their house for a little over two years. There were a lot of hurtful things said in the two year exile by both of us. (I'm big enough to admit I probably started some of the arguments and such) but we got on better terms, (I was allowed to visit) just before we told them about being pregnant with Brookelynn.

Brookelynn is 9 weeks old and I just noticed, my MIL never sees her. When I offer to go with DF to MIL's house and bring the baby the story is usually, my mom's tired, she has a headache, she's watched SIL's kids all day and needs a break. For the last 4 weeks I have actually suggested that we visit. But MIL has been to busy.

Then the day I start back to work and school MIL wants to see the baby. I can't take her so DF takes her by himself! I was definatly against it and still think it's a bunch of crock. In the 9 weeks of Baby B's life, not once did my MIL take a pic of her. Now that she visits and I'm not around, DF reported that she changed the clothes twice and took like 100 + pics. I feel like she just didn't want me in the pictures.

Now, I offered to take Brookelynn over there again this week and again it was no, I'm too tired. I wonder if I hurt her feelings or if she just doesn't want to get close to my little girl? When I brought this up to DF he said that I was being irrational and that it wasn't his mom's fault, it was his. He didn't insist that we go over there. (If that makes sense to anyone else, let me know!) But should I be upset that the MIL doesn't seem interested in my little girl?
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  #2  
September 3rd, 2008, 06:43 AM
mom2nate
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Yes you have every right to be upset and no you're not being irrational. I go through this all the time with my inlaws.....Maybe you could try showing up unannounced that way she can't tell you no and then see how she reacts to you being there. The main thing she needs to understand is that you are a package deal, you and Brookelyn and your DF. Your DF should stand behind you, although it's hard for them not to do what mommy wants a lot of the time....sometimes it seems like a constant struggle .........if she doesn't want to see you then she doesn't get to see Brookelyn.....that's how I feel about it. And well if she doesn't want to see her granddaughter then it's her loss.....I have went rounds with my husband and inlaws about them not caring or wanting to see Nathan.....I feel like they should be more involved, and at least make some effort when it comes to him but I have now figured out I can't make them care or be involved and it's ultimately their loss b/c they're missing out on one hell of a kid!
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  #3  
September 3rd, 2008, 12:19 PM
SamuelsMommy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Location: Indiana
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Well it sounds to me like it's not that she doesn't want to see the baby, it's that she doesn't want to see you. I agree with the pp, you are a package deal. If she doesn't see you then she doesn't see the baby. Who knows what goes on when you aren't around! I would truly be afraid of what she could be saying about you in your daughter's presence and it doesn't sound like your DF would have the guts to stand up to her. I know the baby is too young for it to affect anything yet but they pick up on things a lot quicker than we think. I would tell DF that she is part of you and if her mother isn't welcome then she doesn't go. If your MIL is going to be that petty then she doesn't care about her granddaughter enough to mend the fences and that would be a good enough reason to me to be done with her.
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  #4  
September 5th, 2008, 10:26 PM
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Yeah I'll tell DF that when he's home next. Df goes to college and it's 4 hours away so I only see him every other weekend or maybe every 3rd weekend. I never take Brookelynn over to MIL's house when Df's not around. So, MIL can go weeks without seeing her. Then when he is home, she just wants to see him. Maybe I'll just keep Brookelynn away for a while. MIL acts like if she doesn't see me or the baby then DF stays a kid longer or something weird like that.

It's just a bit painful. Them not liking me, That I can deal with. But them not liking someone as awesome as Brookelynn? That's just retarded.
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  #5  
September 6th, 2008, 06:46 AM
mom2nate
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I agree with you 100%.....I can deal with my in laws not liking me but dang it's hard to deal with the way they treat my son...he is an awesome kid and they are totally missing out...
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  #6  
September 6th, 2008, 11:57 AM
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: NE Arkansas
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Hi Hun! Okay I guess I am a bit more vindictive when it comes to my children and so on. If I feel like they are been slighted or hurt in ANY way or form I basically attack the person ( not physically... YET) but with words. And I can get downright evil

Yeah, You MIGHT have said somethings to hurt her YEARS ago but she did the same thing. And if she is not a big enough person to let go of the past and forgive and forget then u do not need that kind of toxic person in your and your daughters life. I would try at least give her 1 more chance and let your DF know. Also, let him know how u feel and that it really hurts you. Basically give him a warning. You ARE the mother and you can keep her away from her... ummm unless u live in a state that has Grandparents Rights laws. You and your daughter ARE a package deal. She needs to remember that.

Hun, I really do understand where u are coming from. My MIL is from H*LL and she is VERY manipulative and conniving. She is a BS stirrer. She tries to start trouble between My family and DH almost all the time over very simple things, that SHE does. Not to even start in on the things that she has pulled on me and DH. I would nip it in the bud before she can even start to try to tear u two to pieces, coz if he is a momma's boy.. WATCH OUT! Ok I need to shut up now or this will turn into a book.. LOL... GL hun!


Blessings,
Jen
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  #7  
September 6th, 2008, 08:38 PM
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Join Date: Feb 2008
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Even if you do live in a state with grandparent rights law, yuo might want to read the fine print. For instance, in AZ which does have them the parents of the child need to be either divorced/seperated or one of the deceased. And even then the grandparents have to show that it would be in the best interest of the child. I know this because when my ex and I got divorced we wanted to make sure his crazy mom couldn't sue me for visitation. Also my friend who is married as one crazy MIL who actually tried to sue her for visitation and no lawyer would take her case. However my friend did get the restraining order against her MIL because she on the other hand proved to be completely nuts (stalking, threatening in kidnapping their son, etc.) And to think I complain about my in laws.
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  #8  
September 7th, 2008, 06:41 PM
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I dunno DF is VERY protective of his family! I can't say anything about his family or it becomes my fault. Or his. He took the blame for his mom not wanting to see the baby.

And I'm so glad that she's not trying to sue for rights. I was so afraid that my Il's would try that but I seem to have the opposite problem.
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