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So our son's birthday is coming up in a few weeks. My husband has initially said he doesn't want any of his family here for the party. I feel guilty not inviting them (even though I don't really want them here either). I am conflicted b/c this is Nate's day, not ours but I am also not convinced any of them would show up either...my husband's brother and his wife are expecting a baby any day and I just think they will be all wrapped up in that like they always are since those are the only grandkids that exist in their eyes. I am torn b/c I am tired of being the bigger/better person with these people. Last year at his first birthday MIL sat around all sulked up and when my mom tried to hand Nate to her for her to hold he cried and she said "oh he doesn't know who I am"....she always makes comments like that....then she had her precious stupid camera and went around to everyone showing off "her girls"...(granddaughters).....I was pretty upset....I thought you know this is Nate's birthday and all she cares about those girls, why is she even here? She spent absolutely no time with him what so ever. She always makes it out to be our fault that she "doesn't know him" but she makes the choices to spend time with the girls and not him. So I would like to have some input and know what you all think about the birthday party. Frankly, I'm disgusted that his birthday party is such a source of conflict. How bad is it to not invite the in laws? My husband just wants my mom to come up. What do you all think?
If your husband agrees, don't invite them. That's just my opinion, but if she's going to sulk anyway, I wouldn't have them over. We always have 2 parties, it works better that way. A small one for each side of the family. Hope that helps!
Well if she is going to be a monster, why put up with it? IF she asks just tell her that you didn't really have a party for him. You just had a small piece of cake. You don't have to add that your mom was there. Or say that you thought so and so was going to have her baby and you didn't want her going into labor at your house, or you thought a baby being born needed MIL's attention more than a birthday party. Watch the comments around her. But let her know that you are aware that she favors one set of grandkids over another.
If DH says not to invite them, then I wouldn't. It's his family so if it comes up he can deal with it. And I agree if you MIL asks just tell her you didn't do a big party this year, that you just did something small at home, and that's the truth. I don't think your family and your mom makes a big party!
totally agreed. Dont get sucked into guilt and shame. Its her grandkid and she makes no effort - did she even ask if you were having anything? offer help? ask what to buy him for his present......
dont be nasty but keep your boundaries clear. Your DH obviously knows that its better without asking her and look how unpleasant last year was. dont think anything has changed, except that he is getting older and he will really not know who she is (she needs to make efforts with her grandchild - you cannot force her)