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So Im not sure about the details that I have given! However, We are now seeing a therapist to talk about how to handle my insane inlaws!
It is going great! We love him and we get a lot out of it!
Last week we were instructed to give boundries to his parents and if they disrespected them to back off from talking to them until they get that they need to respect us! One of the rules was that they not talk to us until October 1st. Just to give us all space and calm down about the situation.
Well wouldnt you know that his father came over yesterday! I wouldnt let him in! So DH called him later that night to discuss the rules one more time! well FIL decides that he is going to bring up the money that we owe him. (ARGH 27,000$)
He has the nerve to say when we are suppose to be rekindeling things to say"well god for bid anything ever happend to you or Sarah we want to make sure we are going to be repayed)
What parents think of these things??? When were dead all your going to care about is MONEY????
So we are suppose to believe that he was coming over in his words " to have a nice friendly converstion with family"????
What do you guys think we should do???
Reconnect with them on the 1st or cut them out for a few years???
THis is the question we are going to be asking ourselves--a little input would be great!!!
How often are you seeing your therapist? This is something I would discuss with him as a professional. Cutting them out for years is a drastic step and it may become necessary but I would talk it out first. It's good that you are setting down rules, but do you have clear consequences for breaking them? For example, "Please don't contact us until Oct. 1 so we can all take a moment to breathe, if you choose to do so then we are going to take a break until Nov. 1." A rule is great but there needs to be consequences. That is horrible about what they said about the money you borrowed! I can't imagine. We owe my ILs $20,000 but thankfully they haven't said anything about it. The agreement is that we start paying them back when our house in MI sells. We borrowed the money to buy a piece of land here where we will put a house once the other one sells. I would be furious if they ever said something like that and probably take out a personal loan and pay them back immediately even if it meant no cable, no cell, no internet to be able to pay on the loan. I'd do whatever it took to not be in debt to someone who will hold it over my head. That may not be an option for you but you may want to think about what you could do to be done with it.
Hugs sweetie! I hope that you can work things out. Hang in there and talk some more with your therapist. It sounds like you are getting good advice.
Thanks so much for the support!!!! We would love to take out a personal loan but we just can't! so instead we're going to sell our house! Hopefully which it should will have a profit of just the amount we need to pay them back! The rules were very specific for them! But they just don't care so my husband has decided that if they are going to keep bringing up the money then they are just prolonging there time of not being in our lives! Its not like we spent it on stuff we didnt need! It was to rebuild a house right next to them! So they can see where all the money went! Cutting them out is huge but unfortunately my husband has nothing he wants to say to them and wants them to stay out of our DS life. He fears that they will control and minipulate him the same way they did us! We are just not interested in that!
Last night we had therapy and we talked it out! He said that we have a very unusual case. Most parents aren't as cruel and demeaning of their children. He also stated that he thinks that his mother has a personality disorder. he is a psychotherapist! but does state that he cannot ethically diagnois her! He also said that with all the background we gave him he thinks they have always been like that!
Its very sad but it is our reality that we cannot change them! there is a reason that they have no friends and no family who still talks to them!
Hugs sweetie! I would just follow your DH's lead then. They are his parents and he seems to be willing to deal with it so don't feel bad about any of it! Selling your house and not living next door sounds like a great idea. I just hope that you get what you want out of it and it sells for you as the housing market is so bad. Maybe your area hasn't been hit that hard.