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So I've always had a good relationship with my in laws


Forum: Inlaws

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  #1  
October 22nd, 2008, 08:38 AM
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SO and I have always had a rocky relationship. We've been off and on for almost ten years and now I'm pregnant. We got into a huge fight a few weeks ago. He got arrested and being that he is a detective himself, they took his guns and reassigned him. What started all of this was as usual, he was pushing my buttons, saying and doing sh*t to antagonize me and I snapped. There is a lonnnngggggg backstory as to why I just go the h*ll off and things get physical. We both have issues with our hands, me more so lately as he has decided that he would get at me in other ways...

Anyway, since this has happened, his Dad has stepped in and put us on a time out....he is spending time with his parents during the week and comes home on the weekends.

Now, his Mom and Sister and I have always been close and have been supportive of me. But since this happened I am feeling some MAJOR ice from them. He makes it seems like it is COMPLETELY my fault that this happened. While I take full responsibility for letting my emotions get the best of me, he is NOT innocent in all of this. I have spoken to his family on numerous occasions about the physical, verbal and emotional abuse and I am at my breaking point and have been for a while. Now I'm pregnant so I am even more emotional. Throw in the fact that I am having MAJOR family issues of my own...Mom is in jail, raising my 15 yo brother, financial woes etc...makes for a not so great home life.

My brother overheard a conversation between my SO and his sister where she asked if I was acting stupid again...to which he responded that she had no idea. I take MAJOR issue with that. Here it is all the nonsense I have put up with and it falls back on me? NOT COOL.

So now, I haven't heard from either his sister or mother. I ran into them briefly and definitely didnt feel my usual warm reception. Maybe I am reading into this too much. I made the comment to his mother about a month or so ago that he needed to watch the behavior because his job was on the line. It's not like the authorities haven't come to our home before because of the fighting, but this is the first time he has been arrested. Perhaps she took that as ME threatening his job....I wasn't and wouldn't...I wanted her to realize how bad it was. God forbid something happened to any of us, people are going to be asking questions.

I feel like everyone has formulated their own opinions about things and my voice isn't being heard. I refuse to take the blame for this entire situation. I never wanted his job to be on the line, but he played just as much a role in all this as I did.

Am I wrong for feeling the way I do?

I've already heard the speeches about abusive and unhealthy relationships, so PLEASE spare me!
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  #2  
October 22nd, 2008, 08:54 AM
SamuelsMommy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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While you are not to blame, it's almost inevitable that when problems crop up in a relationship that the ILs will side with their child. It doesn't matter how wrong he is or how right you are. While that's not fair, I guess it's forseeable. Not to mention that you don't know what stories or version of events he is telling them. I'm so sorry that your relationship with them is suffering because of this but you have to protect yourself and the baby. If they don't understand that, then you really don't need them. I hope that you can work things out. Until then, keep your chin up and remember how much more important the little person you are growing is to you than any IL will every be!
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  #3  
October 22nd, 2008, 09:26 AM
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While you are not to blame, it's almost inevitable that when problems crop up in a relationship that the ILs will side with their child. It doesn't matter how wrong he is or how right you are. While that's not fair, I guess it's forseeable. Not to mention that you don't know what stories or version of events he is telling them. I'm so sorry that your relationship with them is suffering because of this but you have to protect yourself and the baby. If they don't understand that, then you really don't need them. I hope that you can work things out. Until then, keep your chin up and remember how much more important the little person you are growing is to you than any IL will every be![/b]

You're right! Thanks so much, that makes me feel a bit better!
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  #4  
October 24th, 2008, 03:36 AM
Alchemist's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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My feelings come and go with my ILs. They def will only see his side and especially if he says it in that manner to them. Having said that, i am sure they know his faults too. My advice is to stop looking for approval from them and start focusing on yourself and the baby. They are just ppl at the end of the day. keep treating them civilly and eventually they will change, especially when you start showing and the baby is on the way!!!
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  #5  
October 26th, 2008, 01:54 PM
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My feelings come and go with my ILs. They def will only see his side and especially if he says it in that manner to them. Having said that, i am sure they know his faults too. My advice is to stop looking for approval from them and start focusing on yourself and the baby. They are just ppl at the end of the day. keep treating them civilly and eventually they will change, especially when you start showing and the baby is on the way!!![/b]

I know, I know....you're right. I'm just frustrated. I need to focus on myself and my little one.
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  #6  
November 27th, 2008, 01:09 PM
koalasandduckies's Avatar Super Mommy
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I have to agree with the other girls. Yes, perhaps it isn't the most ideal situation that you are in, however he has to man up and take responsibility. Not go crying saying it is all your fault. Cause it isn't. And perhaps another issue is that his parents just don't want to see it as his fault because he is their son. You have it rough too from the sounds of it and maybe they are just siding with the easier of the two people? I mean, you are taking care of your brother and your mom is in jail, perhaps with those coupled with the fight make the side with him because it is easier for them to deal with it. I know personally how tough it is to raise a sibling as I did it myself, and I noticed that being thrown into the mix made it easier for my exIL to side with him when we were in a fight and he was in the wrong.

Keep your chin up and just take care of yourself and your baby. The rest of them can just back off. And if they can't, don't be afraid to put your foot down hard.
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