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So today DH and I realized something that may make this whole situation a lot easier! Upon going over the schedule for his Master's program, we realized that he has a residential on the 17-18 of March and the baby is due March 7. I'll be having a c-section sometime during the week before my due date so we aren't concerned about it conflicting but he will be gone all day both days which will be extremely difficult for me less than 2 weeks after having major surger and having a 2 year old and a newborn. So I again said to him that I hoped his parents would come in the 15th when my mom leaves for a week rather than when the baby is born because I will definately need someone there with me those days. DH is really concerned about me and being gone so he's going to call tonight to see if we can make that the plan. I am so relieved that there is a concrete reason rather than what I thought would be better or I preferred. While I don't consider my MIL to be any real help, FIL is and it will just be easier to have more hands to help. If I directly ask for something they will do it so this will hopefully work out.
Well, we'll have to see how it turns out. DH did call and talk to them and he did tell them when would be best for them to come and that it would be a huge help if they were here while he was at his residential for his Masters. Apparently, my FIL asked about coming sooner and DH did tell them that my parents would be there until the 15th so if they wanted to come before the 15th they would need to stay in a hotel. Apparently FIL wasn't thrilled with that answer or thrilled about us telling them when we wanted them to come! That really surprised me as he usually doesn't want to "impose." DH got the big, well, we'll see about plane ticket prices, etc. etc... I'm really kind of T'd off over this. I mean if they aren't coming to be helpful then they can darn well wait until after I'm more recovered from the c/s and we're more settled in with having the new baby. I was telling my mom about all this and her response was that if they wanted to come earlier she could sleep on the couch and that if they weren't there while DH had to be gone she would stay longer and work it out somehow. Now that's actually helpful. I won't have her sleeping on the couch though. It's broke and if this time is anything like last time she will be just as tired as we are because she will offer to take night shifts and will be working her behind off to do the things I can't like laundry, cooking, cleaning, and will be a huge help with the kids. I'm not going to budge an inch. I'm the one having this baby and major surgery and we're going to do things my way. This isn't about them. On top of it all, I know that my MIL will be a monster if she's there at the same time as my mom. She gets into this competative mode and flops between trying to be as good as my mom is and moping because she isn't. I won't have the time to deal with her. My mom will offer to let the baby sleep near her so I can sleep and not worry and she'll bring him when he needs to eat so my MIL would try to do the same thing and there is no way I'm leaving my newborn in her care while I sleep! Won't happen. So that would make her mad too. I'm just waiting to hear what they have decided. If he calls and says they are arriving before the 15th I will absolutely make them stay in a hotel. Our house won't be big enough for everyone comfortably. So we'll see what happens.
I think they are overstepping anyway by TELLING YOU when they are coming. They should come when invited, after all, it is your house. There is no way I would let my mom sleep on the couch because they won't come at the suggested time. I think it's great that you even want them there! It will just add more stress if you have to deal with your mom and MIL at the same time. I hope everything works out!
*Natural Birthing, breastfeeding, cloth diapering, co-sleeping, baby wearing momma to 2 amazing children, Micah (5-22-09) and Reagan (4-21-11)