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Have any of you forgiven the IL's


Forum: Inlaws

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  #1  
January 15th, 2009, 06:15 PM
DonovinsMommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: NY
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Since everything has happend with my inlaws my DH wants nothing to do with them. I can't say that I mind because I just cannot for see being able to forgive them for making me remember my brother's death over and over again by saying how poorly my parents did at raising him. With much harsher words. They also said some other awful things about DH and mostly about myself.


Do you think that I will be able to get passed it if my Dh ever does decide to want to have a relationship again.
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  #2  
January 15th, 2009, 08:29 PM
mom2nate
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To be honest with you about this...I don't think that is something I could just learn to overlook or forget. That is something that should have never been any of their concern and they were only using as a means to hurt you. There is absolutely no reason other than just plain meanness and cruelness for their words and actions. I say forget about them and just live your life like they do not exist.
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  #3  
January 16th, 2009, 08:31 AM
SamuelsMommy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Indiana
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It can be hard to forgive things that are so hurtful like that. I think you can forgive, but that doesn't mean that there aren't still consequences to what has happened. If they are unwilling to change then there probably still needs to be that seperation because you have to protect yourself and your family. Forgiveness, on the other hand, is for yourself, not them. Holding onto the bitterness and anger toward them for their actions is only harming you, not them. Someone once said that holding onto anger (or being unforgiving) is like drinking poison and expecting it to kill the other guy. If you choose to say that what happened is in the past and that you are ready to let it go, not dwell on it, and not let the anger and bitterness eat at you anymore, you will live a happier life for it. Like I said before, that doesn't mean you have to leave yourself open to more hurt and abuse, but it just means being at peace that you can't change the past and not letting it affect your future. If they ever truly decide to change, it will be hard to give them that chance, but again, only beneficial in the long run if ammends can be made. It will never change what happened, but you can get on with life. You probably will never be super close but for the sake of your DH and children if they have a true change of heart you may be able to have a decent relationship down the road. The key is to be open to it, but at the same time realistic about whether there is true change so you won't go through the same thing all over again. Hugs! I know it's not easy!
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  #4  
January 17th, 2009, 08:25 PM
MyDuckySam's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
It can be hard to forgive things that are so hurtful like that. I think you can forgive, but that doesn't mean that there aren't still consequences to what has happened. If they are unwilling to change then there probably still needs to be that seperation because you have to protect yourself and your family. Forgiveness, on the other hand, is for yourself, not them. Holding onto the bitterness and anger toward them for their actions is only harming you, not them. Someone once said that holding onto anger (or being unforgiving) is like drinking poison and expecting it to kill the other guy. If you choose to say that what happened is in the past and that you are ready to let it go, not dwell on it, and not let the anger and bitterness eat at you anymore, you will live a happier life for it. Like I said before, that doesn't mean you have to leave yourself open to more hurt and abuse, but it just means being at peace that you can't change the past and not letting it affect your future. If they ever truly decide to change, it will be hard to give them that chance, but again, only beneficial in the long run if ammends can be made. It will never change what happened, but you can get on with life. You probably will never be super close but for the sake of your DH and children if they have a true change of heart you may be able to have a decent relationship down the road. The key is to be open to it, but at the same time realistic about whether there is true change so you won't go through the same thing all over again. Hugs! I know it's not easy![/b]
pretty much what I was going to say.

i let my ILs ruin Christmas because I was so angry........and i almost did it again today with my baby shower. You can't do that.

Forgive, but don't forget. You both might find yourself wanting a relationship for Donovin's sake. Sam (and soon to be HJ) is the only reason I now try to just let it all go.
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