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I wanted to post here the last few days but did not know how to begin taking about my mil. My name is laura and i have been married for 13 years, with my husband for 17 now and am sooooo tired of my mil. When we were first dating she didnt show much interest in me at all and my dh said that is the way she is. They are not super close at all, but she enjoys telling me how close she is with her daughter. The 2nd year we were dating we lived in the same city as her and i encouraged my dh to call her and try to have a relationship with her. He saw her once in the 10 months we lived there, a lunch date onhis b-day and i was not invited. We made trips down during holidays and she would leave a note saying she decided to go see her parents but might be back before we left. So i excepted that this was the relationship and moved on. Then i became pregnant in 1998 and all of a sudden she cared, after 6 years of sporadic contact at best. My baby was stillborn and we were desvastated and i had my mom call her to let her know, since we lived in different provinces. Anyway she blamed me for not telling her right away and that was when i became the target of her blame. She didnt call her son to see how he was after the funeral or ask him to visit or visit him. We then moved further away, and she called in tears asking why i was making him move, just assuming it was me of course. She visited us twice in 5 years after we moved, once was to meet her grandson. We had another child in 2003 and i specifically took him to visit her and all she did was ***** at me that i wasnt going to spend more time there so she could have more time with the baby. When i got pregnant again she acted like we were best friends and actually wanted to be in the delivery room! I said no and told her it would be best if she came up after i had the baby and we were out of the hospital, being pregnant is extremely stressful and i explained that it was hard having a lot of people around but she showed up the day i was in labor anyway and stayed. My own mom tells me i need to be the bigger person but i am tired of it. I had another baby, a girl this time, in oct of 2007 and again she insisted she be there and near the end of my pregnancy she would send me emails saying i must have forgottent to keep her informed and she was waiting for updates on when i would be induced and she guessed i was trying to hurt her. Frankly i see it as my dh's responsibility to deal with her and giver her info. She knows this last pregnancy was difficult and i was supposed to be on rest and try to reduce my stress but she needs to have everything her way. Well she did end up coming up again and was extremely nasty this time. She yelled at the nurses, made comments about how i wasnt a good enough mom and lazy and felt like she was entitiled to punish my then 4 year old because he didnt get dressed fast enough! I was in tears everytime she left my room and told my dh to keep her busy. She used to be somewhat interested in my kids but now she has lost interest, except for my daughter, and i have had it with her. She just likes to make drama were there isnt any and put me down, at xmas this year i had a glass of wine and she asked me who watches the kids while u drink, she knows i hardly ever drink and then she offered me another glass and i sid no thanks and she said i was so rightgeous, i can not win with this woman and i dont even try. I paste on a smile and take it. I told her we would like to visit because the boys missed her and she said oh whatever!! Not that would be lovely, just oh like it's no big deal and then she blames me for us not visiting more!! Yet she doesnt like to travel.
Wow this is very long, so very sorry, and it's jumbled, i think i could ramble all day about her. Thanks for reading.
Yikes! She sounds like a real winner. In reality she's just a very selfish person! My MIL doesn't sound as confrontational, but I see the same selfishness and need to be the center of attention. I think you're doing the best you can. I'd let DH deal with her and just get through it when you've got to see her. There isn't much else you can do! Hugs!
She isn't really confrontational, much more subtle. She makes little comments, like i was having trouble breastfeeding so she tells me that she read an article that moms use that as an excuse because they are lazy. Although she did yell at one of the nurses when i was in hospital with my baby, but that visit was the worst by far. My dh just tells me she doesn't mean what she says or doesn't mean it that way. If she feels like it she acts very interested in the kids but since we saw her about a month ago she has decided not to be interested. I wouldnt really care but my kids love her and i know they will be hurt.
I can totally relate. My MIL was atrocious to me before we got married. My DH would also say she doesnt mean it etc but i knew she did. so we cancelled the wedding until he GOT it into his head that she IS being mean and i wont take that s%^t.
She doesnt start with me (well i havent had a child yet so i am still on my guard for then). I stood up to her (she confronted me in the bathroom at a wedding the month before our actual rescheduled wedding and i basically threatened her (as she was trying to be so nasty to me that night)- of course i played her own game as she also did things subdtly and when no one else heard). I told her she had better get used to the fact that i am marrying her son and quite frankly i am the one who will be sleeping with him and taking care of him. i am his future....... she has def backed off, but i will never forget all the stuff she dished out to me.
my advice, learn her game and play it better....she will not only be shocked but she will def back down........
dont attempt to be nice etc. in fact the more i tried to be nice, the more she did it. until i confronted her, and made her realise she could no longer affect me. now she acts supernice (as i always do) and i never confront her in public (but i will 'punish' her by not including her in my conversations or my life etc and be super nice to everyone else to prove her wrong so that she is the one who looks like a mug not me..... it really does work.