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  #1  
April 15th, 2009, 12:32 PM
mom2nate
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My husband's brother sent him an email letting the cat out of the bag...I always knew how they felt but to hear it just totally destroyed me. They are so wrong. He said they don't call or come around or have anything to do with our son because of me. Because I hate them. Because I make them feel unwelcome. They are so dead wrong. It is the complete opposite. I have never done anything to make them feel hated or unwelcome. I have always invited them into my home (they very rarely ever come though). I send and have sent tons of pictures of my son to MIL and the rest of them. It all stems from me setting boundaries and not letting MIL in the delivery room when I had my son. That and I won't let her babysit for a week at a time like the other grandkids. I have done everything I know to do to get along with these people and it doesn't work. The last 3 years of my life have been total crap because of them and their attitudes but they don't see it. I am the b**ch. I am the one with the problem. He sent a 2 page email about how horrible I am. It was disgusting. My husband has said this is it. No more, they are cut off. I have made it clear that my son & I will not be going around them nor will they be coming here but my husband is welcome to go there and visit all he wants. I am so over this with these people. I feel so sorry for my husband because I feel like this is all my fault. Even though I have not asked him to choose between me and them I feel like that is what has happened now and I would not ever do that to him. They have done it themselves. I want to line them all up and slap each of them across the face as hard as I can! Maybe it'd knock some sense into them...but knowing them probably not.
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  #2  
April 15th, 2009, 03:35 PM
lostlady21's Avatar Sarah--Joey's mom
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Illinois
Posts: 1,046
So sorry you have to deal with in-laws like that. It seems like you've done everything youcould to foster a relationship with them.
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  #3  
April 15th, 2009, 04:54 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,304
I agree, it seems like you have bent over backwards to include them. Sounds like no matter how much you do it isn't enough. Boundaries are essential IMO. I am sorry they are putting you in such a position but what did they expect you to do after sending such a horrible email?? It is not your fault, they are putting your DH in this position.
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  #4  
April 18th, 2009, 11:51 AM
SamuelsMommy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Indiana
Posts: 16,541
It isn't your fault at all. They are the ones sending nasty emails. It sounds like your DH sees them for what they are. You shouldn't have to be subjected to that so good for him for saying enough is enough. Big Hugs!
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  #5  
April 18th, 2009, 04:44 PM
mom2nate
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My husband got an email from his father today. I guess it wasn't enough for BIL to attack me and blame me for everything now FIL had to do it. He said how my husband says he's happy but they don't think so because something changed (me). And don't let your parents go to their graves wondering what happened to their nice loving son. So apparently I have changed my husband and made him a horrible mean person. He said a lot of other really sh***y stuff about how I've changed him and other mean stuff that pretty much got his point across about how they feel about me being their son's wife. Other than my husband calling them out on their s**t and going to see them every weekend, nothing has changed. I mean do they expect us to drive 2 hours up there and 2 hours back every weekend? Which by the way they have never offered to do to see us. My husband was nail spitting mad when he read that email from his dad. He said that's it I am done with them, they can go to their grave wondering whatever the hell they want to wonder. I agree with him. This is more than enough. I can't take any more. I am at the end of my emotional rope with this. I literally can't take any more of it. I mean do they want me to divorce out of the family or what exactly is there intent here. As far as I'm concerned they won't be seeing me or my son for a very very long time. And yet I feel like the bad person in the situation.
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  #6  
April 19th, 2009, 08:18 PM
DonovinsMommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: NY
Posts: 4,220
I understand how you are feeling 110%!! I am so sorry that you have to deal with that! I don't understand where people feel that it is acceptable to send emails that say such hatred things in then. Divorce is exactly what they were hoping for (at least it was in my situation) But unfortuntely, they are the ones that are putting this wall between your DH and them. We did the same thing we cut them off they will not be doing that to us anymore. However, Now we are going to court for visitation rights. Grr.. I am so sorry that you had to read those things about you! Hugs hun!
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  #7  
April 20th, 2009, 12:24 PM
mom2nate
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First, I think them taking you to court for visitation rights is just going to be a waste of money and time because grandparents rights basically only exist if the parents allow it..except for a couple of states. I think.

One of the main problems I am having with this is how am I ever supposed to face these people again? How can I show my face to them when I know what they think about me. I don't know if I can. I don't know if I'll ever be able to forgive this and get over it. And I feel like that makes me a horrible person.
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  #8  
April 21st, 2009, 01:52 AM
Alchemist's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,243
Forgiving is hard. I had a MIL who made life miserable for me when i got engaged and the first year or so of marriage. Eventually, i stopped caring what she thought. I just did what i felt was right and made the effort to be nice only becuase i felt bad for my hubby. I acted totally false (like she did) and copied her to a tee. Eventually she saw that she wasnt getting to me anymore and like all bullies, lost her steam. I will never forget it, but for the sake of my marriage and any future kids i have i let it pass over me. I just stopped caring (not saying but feeling). I started feeling sorry for her. She obviously has some deep seated issues to act so childish and venomous. I started to analyse her and actually found myself to be not only a nicer person, but a better one. I, at least, have the capacity to forgive and feel pity.....

i have learned a lot from this. Use this as a lesson you may need to mature yourself....nothing happens without reason in our lives.........
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  #9  
April 21st, 2009, 05:51 PM
GoldmanBaby09's Avatar Regular
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Reno, NV
Posts: 60
I can understand your issues with this. There are similar type things afoot with my husband's family. His mother and his fraternal grandmother (so my mother-in-law's MIL) did not get along and had some deep seeded hatred that ran for 20 years, mostly stemming from the grandma not respecting my MIL as a parent when my husband and his sister were young. The grandma just died and my MIL and SIL were not invited to the funeral. How's that for contempt? Now things are at an odd cross roads because my husband and I are having our first baby (first grandbaby for the IL) and I feel I need to set some boundaries so that what happened with the last generation doesn't happen with us. It's hard being angry and frustrated but you have to remember that it is their choice. Your husband didn't choose his family, but he did choose you! And for all their anger and vile, they are wasting the precious time they have to enjoy your family and your children. But that is their loss. Just take a deep breath and remember, this is on them, not you.
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  #10  
April 21st, 2009, 07:35 PM
Regular
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 58
Where do you live D's mom? I know only a few states that have those grandparent right's laws, one of which I live in. (AZ). I also know that in almost all cases there has to have been either a death of a spouse or a divorce. Also in AZ they also have to prove it is detrimental to the child's welfare to be denied visits with the grandparents. I only know this is because my ex has a completely bonkers mother who attempted to get visitation, but since her own son doesn't want her to have contact with the kids and because the kids had no real visits with them in the first place there was no adverse affect to me keeping them from her. Sorry you are being dragged through court for this.
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  #11  
May 5th, 2009, 09:10 PM
laurag146's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Papillion, NE
Posts: 2,183
Oh my God this sounds almost just like my situation, emails and all except my dh is still trying to "fix" things so they can at least be a part of our daughters life.
I let them make me miserable for a long time...I agree with Alchemist, you have to try not to let what they think get to you.

I know exactly what you mean about how can you ever look them in the face again and it is hard but if you have to for the sake of keeping your marriage intact you can. It is so hard but just please tell yourself that what THEY think does NOT matter, YOU know what kind of person you are and if you can just be polite to them when you have to be and be the bigger person I guarantee that your dh will see it if he hasn't already and those a-holes will just keep digging themselves a bigger hole and you will come out smelling like roses instead of getting dragged down with them. I guarantee if they are anything like my in-laws...I stopped letting it consume me and being angry and instead started extending olive branches and trying to make things work even though I didn't want to and considering what they have done, never should have had to do and guess what they just keep acting horribly so now my dh is getting the picture and is on my side now because he sees me making the effort instead of just being a ***** to them even though I probably have every right to be.

Keep your chin up!
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  #12  
May 7th, 2009, 12:05 PM
SamuelsMommy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Indiana
Posts: 16,541
Quote:
Originally Posted by razzberryseed View Post
Where do you live D's mom? I know only a few states that have those grandparent right's laws, one of which I live in. (AZ). I also know that in almost all cases there has to have been either a death of a spouse or a divorce. Also in AZ they also have to prove it is detrimental to the child's welfare to be denied visits with the grandparents. I only know this is because my ex has a completely bonkers mother who attempted to get visitation, but since her own son doesn't want her to have contact with the kids and because the kids had no real visits with them in the first place there was no adverse affect to me keeping them from her. Sorry you are being dragged through court for this.
Exactly. This is always the case from what I know. If you are married to each other, the court won't even hear the case.
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  #13  
May 15th, 2009, 11:48 AM
Veteran
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 110
I am so sorry that you have to go through with all of this crap with them. Your inlaws sound almost exactly the same as mine! Its really difficult having to deal with people like that. It sounds like your DH is in a though situation and its not your fault either. In my opinion if his family really truly cares about him and your son, then they would have been more respectful to the woman whom he chose to spend the rest of his life with, kwim? It just sounds like they put you all in a bad spot.
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  #14  
May 31st, 2009, 12:27 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Southern Michigan
Posts: 8,493
Wow I felt like I was reading my own story!!! It hasnt gotten to that point yet..but my IL's are the same it seems. I hate that it gets between DH and I becuase we end up fighting about it and I do feel bad for him...I just need to get over it!
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