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**********please someone help me, im so stressed***************


Forum: Inlaws

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  #1  
August 29th, 2009, 03:39 AM
Veteran
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Nottingham
Posts: 306
Hi,

I have a 2 yr old and 1 yr old daughters, also as people already know baby 3 is on the way, i hardly have anyone babysit as i dont go out (without the kids) i have only just started really letting people take the girls out or have them for the day (i used to always say no or make some excuse)
So anyway a couple of weeks ago my partners sister had them for a few hrs and although she was meant to bring them back at 3 she didnt get here till 6 (as she had problems getting a lift by car) and wen she did get them back she had mentioned something bout soon she could have them over night as she getting an apartment with her partner (who bare in mind i have only met once) I pondered on it and never said anything, but wen my partners other sister came i raised my concerns (the kids have never really stayed out anywhere unless with me) saying that his other sis wanted to have them over night and although i trust her i have only met her partner once (i would have to know him a lot more to have my kids stay at theres, them having the kids for a day is a big difference from the kids staying) i also said that after her being 3 hours late the last time she had the girls i wasnt sure my partner (her brother) wud be happy for her to have them again soon.
So anyway today i get a txt off his sister (the one that wants the kids over nite) saying Tell (her brother, my partner) not to bother coming to the house warming if you cant trust me with the kids then thats fine but saying that you dont trust ****** (her partner) is out of order as if he wud hurt them for fu** sake its sick. y is it you let everyone else watch them but not me i wud die for those to n in my house i wouldnt have the balcony doors open anyway cant believe you told ****** (her sister) all this, she told me yesterdaySo anyway for one if i didnt trust her i wouldnt let her take them for a day b4, also its only really been his mum n my mum have them b4, SECONDLY would any of you let your kids stay somewhere where they dont fully know someone that is living there???? THIRDLY i never mentioned anything about a balcony, FORTH its been made to sound worser then what it is, im not calling her partner, all im saying is i dont know him well enough for my children to stay there.
So i called and she is at work so we are going to talk later, i also called his mum as his other sister is only a teenager, i told his 3rd sister what had gone off and that i was fuming and to ask his mum to call and she hasnt as yet called (im not surprised) i called again but heard b4 they answered me mum shhhh i will tell em your out 2 hrs later i still recieved no call, do they not care that the teenager is causing crap and exagerating things i have said.
So i spoke to my partner (as he is out) and told him what had been said (and what had not been said), he knew my concerns before and totally aggreed with me, now we have come to the conclusion that no one at any point in time is having the children (not to babysit, nothing) then no more can be said, which i think is a shame really as not everyone has been involved in this.

What thoughts do you have on this????? would you be the same?????

So anyway my partner came back last night and called his mums house, his mum was out, so he had it out with ****** (his sister that this all started from) at first she was saying she hadnt said anything, then she said (after him reading his other sisters txt to her) oh i told mum and she told her............ So your telling me, she told his mum and instead of ringing me straight up to see what was said, she relayed everything a 13 year old had said, onto her other daughter!!!!! Not thinking of the concequences!!!! SO THATS THE REASON HIS MUM DIDNT WANT TO ANSWER MY CALL IN THE BEGINNING!!!!!! Im so peeved still and this cant b e good for the baby, i dont want there to be a fall out but it looks inevitable, i thought me and his mum got on the other week i even got and collected her a really nice sofa, i helped move her living room round, get the old sofa out and I CLEANED UP then we have her daughter for 4 days and this is the THANKS we get I REALLY AM UNSURE ABOUT HIS FAMILY NOW, (I LIKE HIS 2 YOUNGER BROTHERS AND HIS MUCH YOUNGER SISTER) Its took me nearly 3 years to figure this out, this is not by far the only thing that has cropped up but this is really the only time its been me in the middle.
Well also the sister it also involved (who it was said to), still has not phoned me (his mum n sisters are the sort that say stuff and no matter if they are wrong, they are still right and they dont talk through), i have learnt that whenever there has been a disagreement, they just STOP talking to the one its suppose to b about, not so long ago they was all calling his other brothers misses blind, now they talk to her like they have never said anything about her Y CANT PEOPLE JUST TALK??? I really dont know what to do now, there is going to be an argument today between mother and son, and i hate arguments especially in families (if my family have a disagreement we sit and talk about it, we never fall out, life is too short for fall outs, in my opinion) PLEASE CAN ANYONE GIVE ME ANY MORE SUGGESTIONS ON HOW TO DEAL WITH THIS PLEASE.
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  #2  
August 30th, 2009, 10:37 AM
SamuelsMommy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Indiana
Posts: 16,541
Hugs! One thing I have definately learned is if you don't want something repeated and thusly reported incorrectly just say it to whom it's intended or not at all. Especially where teenagers are involved. It's a bit like that game telephone, what's said in the beginning is not what is heard in the end. I totally agree with you that my children would never spend the night somewhere where there are people I don't know well. That's just common sense and your SIL will understand that when she is a mom. Your children are the most precious thing you have. You wouldn't go set a diamond ring on a table where there are strangers and leave, so why would you do that with your child? As far as all this other stuff, I'd let it drop and just go directly to the SIL that asked to have them overnight and tell her what was said. Explain that her boyfriend seems like a very nice person and you would love to get to know him, maybe invite them for dinner, but that you would be an irresponsible parent to leave your children where there are people you don't know. And then don't tell the teenager anything ever again LOL It's fine not to have others watch your kids a lot or to not send them overnight. Nothing wrong with it at all. Mine are not babysat a lot, especially my baby. And the only time I have left my 3 year old over night was when my youngest was born. Don't let anyone pressure you into things you don't feel comfortable. Hugs!
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  #3  
November 30th, 2009, 12:45 PM
Caelen's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Hurley, WI
Posts: 8,572
I think the previous poster said it well. When you pass things between people trying to get it to the intended person its going to get twisted and taken in ways you didn't intend them to.

I agree with you that I would not want my child going into a home where I didn't know someone. Even after my MIL started dating someone new it took a few weeks before I would agree to let my son be over there without me.
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