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So MIL and FIL have been here for only a few days. MIL has been on her "good" behavior, but still tons of passive agressive crap, not respecting house rules or our parenting etc... So yesterday I get home and I go to hug dd... first of all MIL is laying half asleep on the floor. Just irritating really, but she sees me and says "oh I only got 3 hours on my vpap last night so I'm just tired" Sure. Sorry but anytime I see her half asleep I get worried becuase she has a history of addiciton to painkillers (which she denies left and right btw). ANYWAY, she goes off to take a leak or something, and as I'm hugging dd, I smell poo. So ok, I grab dd and go to change her. First of all she fights like crazy, like I'm trying to kill her. Screaming, kicking. She doesn't normally like diaper changes, but this was excessive. Anyway, once I get in there I find out why... shes been sitting in it way way too long. It's dried on, everythings red and shes got spots all over (everytime MIL visits dd gets spots that radiate out from her diaper area, it's basically from 1) letting her sit in poop too long and 2) not cleaning her properly, this is part of the reason dd doesn't like having her diaper changed, it's been painful 1 to many times). So, I'm poed. And the diaper was completely wet and starting to leak. We'd had this discussion with her many times that if she wan'ts to keep dd out of daycare, she needs to at least provide a level of care that doesn't have daycare demanding I take her to a dr. after wards (everytime they see that diaper rash they call me, make me come get her and take her to the dr event hough it will clear up in a couple of days with normal care just to drive the point home to me, as if I didn't know, that my MIL is doing a poor job of caring for dd). So I'm beyond irritated already and struggling to keep it to myself. So when I'm all done, I come out with dd and I go to take the poopy diaper out to the garbage. As I'm doing so MIL runs to dds "rescue" and is all like "what did that mean mommy do to you?" (not those words, but that was the messege) and then she says to me "what were you doing to her in there?"
I lost it. Seriously, control gone.
I said "Well I'd be po'ed too if I had to sit in my own filth for 2 hours!" And then shes just like "2 hours it wasn't 2 hours blah blah" and I just said "look, I don't know how long but too long. When it's dried on tot he point that the kid bleeds when I wipe it off and she has spots coming out of the diaper area, it was TOO ******* LONG"
So then, for some reason, she attacks me personally, which I have no clue how my being a fat, dirty, lieing, lazy cow had hanything to do with the conversation about the diapers. I keep my mouth shut while she goes off on how horrible I am to her and how I don't treat her like a human being (becuase she was making herself look soooooo bad) until she says, "And your mother! I can't believe she didn't want you to marry MY SON, that is just so hurtful. Well, I wish that Charlie had married (other girls name)" Ok now, My mom has been dead for 5 years. So we're talking about something that someone who has been dead for 5 years now said 7 years ago. Not to mention I didn't say it or think it nor can I help that my mom was ALSO a total *****. In factt he only reason MIL knows about this is because we had a "haert to heart" once and I told her about it followed by what my response to my mother was which I then (loudly) reiterated at this point in the conversation, "And you know what I told my mom when she said that? I told her to shut her ***** trap because she didn't know what she was talking about, to stay out of my business, and that if she EVER wanted us to visit her, she would NEVER EVER say such a thing again." And then I added "Which is exactly what I wish Charlie would tell you you stupid nosy selfish COW." OR something to that effect. Anyway, then she went on and on about something or other before DH finally put in his two cents and told her where to shove it.
Anyway, there was more, but it felt totally good to do. I really freaking hate her. Anyway now we're trying to figure out what to do when I have the baby because they are DEFINATELY not coming nor are they welcome. We don't have any friends who can watch dd sooo... we'll have to figure SOMETHING out. But I'd rather deal with this problem than with her.
YOU GO GIRL!!!!!! I'm living vicariously through you right now, and trying desperately to imagine what you're feeling right now!
What nerve that awful cow has to speak to you like that! And I do hope she reads this and that she know we all think she's a selfish, phycho b**** who has made her own F***** bed and now has to lie in it. She brought this on to herself, and now isn't going to get then chance to be around when your next LO is born.
Speaking of which, what is your situation with needing help after the birth? What I mean is, are you expecting a c-section? Does your DH get time off work? What sort of help are you thinking you're going to need?
Does your financial situation allow you to perhaps hire a temp nanny to come help out with DD and baby while you recover and get into a routine? I'm thinking a few weeks, but I don't know if that's long enough, or too long? I also don't know where you live....being in a small town you might not be able to find a nanny...but if you're in a big city, or very close to a big city, then you've got an advantage.
Not sure if that suggestion helps at all, but I just wanted to throw it out there.
I don't know about the birth. I'm going for a vbac, but might very well need a c-section in the end. I dont' want one though because then I'll be out of commission for awhile and DH is helpless. I might be able to get my Dad and his GF to come out here, but they think I need to be independent and go it alone (total opposite of DHs family, lol). If I DO get the vbac, it's very likely I won't have a support person becuase DH will have to watch dd, we don't have anyone else I trust with her who can get here quickly (this was sort of the case though even when MIL was coming, she lives in CA). I dunno. I'm going to talk to some of dds teachers at daycare and see if they have any ideas, we cant be the only ones who have had this issue.
As it is I'm pretty sure MIL still thinks shes gonna come out here! Little does she know know I faxed the hospital with very specific details that they are not to visit me or the baby and they should be escorted from the building by security should they show up. It's in my birth plan now too. Eeehhh, I haven't told DH about this yet, but I will clue him in sometime in the next 4-5 weeks (we are not discussing his mother for at least 4 weeks because we just need some time to chill, the topic really gets both of us quite stressed out).
Part of the problem is that she has him completely castrated with money. When he went to college she took out significant student loans... funny thing is they weren't all exactly used for his education, but they sure are in his name! Then she promised to pay them. Ok, he graduated 10 years ago now and they STILL aren't paid off. Turns out she deferred them for as long as possible (YEARS) and they sat there and grew and grew. So now his loans are like 3x what they were originally. Shes now, slowly, making one... payment... at... a... time... And anytime something like this happens, she threatens to stop paying and sometimes misses a payment without telling us (or give us adequate time to get the info ourselves so we can make the payment). I fully expect her to miss the one for Jan and our credit will get hit. We've had a heck of a time doing things like buying a house or getting any kind of loan because of that loan and the occasional credit hits. I keep telling DH that we should just take over paying the loans but theyre so enormous now that we really would go broke over it. He, shes loaded. She could have them paid off in a couple months to a year if she really cared to. She could have paid them off 10 years ago, no problem.
At least this is the way I understand the situation with the friggin loans as described to me by DH. He could be wrong I suppose, but it sounds about par for the course for her really.
Have you hired a doula? If money is an issue, you might be able to "hire" someone who is training to become a doula that would support you during your birth for free. That is what we did and then just bought her a thank you gift.
Sorry about your MIL. Mine has my DH by the balls too, money wise. It sucks.