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I'm a first time mommy, my little one is just 1. My husband and I work full time, and currently, my mother in law is watching my daughter while we work. I appreciate her watching my daughter in loo of daycare, we haven't had to battle endless colds, etc. and I know she is having a blast all day with g.ma. This isn't a free service, we also pay grandma to watch her. Lately, gma has been referring to herself as "maw maw"...and it seems to REALLY bother me. Everytime my daughter looks at me and says "ma ma" grandma steps in and says - "maw maw is right here". If she is around and someone asks me a ? about my daughter, she hops in and answers before I get the chance. I already feel guilty about missing time with my daughter bc of work, and grandma butting in at every chance she gets is sending me to my breaking point! My husband replies is "oh, thats just my mom - i guess i'm just used to it, don't let me bother you"..but it does!! How can I tame this overbearing M.I.L??? Am I just over reacting??
No I do not think you are overreacting. Not at all.
My MIL jumps in when someone asks a question about my kids or even just says stuff when not even asked. I usually answer the person anyway b/c I'm the one they asked. It ticks me off to no end. B/c she doesn't even see the kids that much to be able to even answer any questions about the kids. She is usually just making stuff up. Seriously. We were in the car one time and a bus pulled up next to us. So I point out the bus to my son. For whatever reason, MIL decides to jump in and say to him, yes, you've never been on a bus or a train. Say what?!?!? I had to politely inform MIL that DS had been on a train before. She responds that oh, she didn't know. Then stop making stuff up!
First off, how is your relationship with your MIL? Are you able to talk to her? Can you tell her you do not want MIL to be called Maw Maw? That you want her to be called Grandma or whatever other name you had in mind?
My MIL tried stepping in when my oldest said mama, so I would pretend she wasn't even there. I would close in the space bwtn my son and me, pick him up, just talk directly to him and say "Yes, sweetie, mama is right here, what do you want?" If she thinks you're rude for doing that, well she's rude for stepping in when your daughter is talking to you!
Secondly, I agree, you need to get DH to back you up. He cannot simply say that's how she is. He needs to tell MIL to back off when you're around. You're the mama! This is not to say no grandma while you're around, but if someone is talking to you or your daughter wants you, then MIL needs to butt out.
I think your MIL is overstepping boundaries because she thinks she is the primary caretaker of your daughter. If it is causing you that much stress and cannot be resolved, then you may want to reconsider your daycare situation and perhaps pay someone else.
But I would try the talking first, if not from you then from DH. If you trust her enough to take care of your daughter, then hopefully trust her enough to be able to talk out your feelings. She might not realize what she is doing or realize that she is upsetting you.
Mine does the same thing and she lives on the opposite side of the country. She visits for 2 days and she thinks the boss who knows EVERYTHING about my kids. She constantly contradicts me about EVERYTHING and yeah jumps in and answers peoples questions about my kids with the most wrong and stupid answers. Not to mention anytime someone (or me) looks at one of my kids and says "oh she has your eyes mom" (or something similar) my MIL pipes up and says "no those are my/my mothers/my daughter/my 2nd cousins" Apparently, neither of my kids look anytng like me according to her!
Anyway I would also take offense at the maw maw. I would talk to her and ask that she teach the child to caLL her nana or something instead. She clearly wants to be he mom. Nip it in the bud. worst case, move the kid to daycare or soemthing since you are paying anyway.