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We were@my IL's on Sunday for the holiday. The weather was going a little wacky with sudden bursts of rain. MIL wanted to take my children to the parade 20 minutes away, walking. DH and I agreed that if it doesn't rain then sure no big deal, provided BIL went along too. The time comes for the parade and it's raining so we tell MIL that no they can't go. She starts bugging non-stop about it because of course the rain stops every few minutes but picks up again. We've gotten DD to be fine about not going heck she's being way more grown-up about this than MIL, of course DS has no reaction to any of this as he's perfectly happy chillin' out at the house. MIL keeps this up for about 20 minutes and finally she asks if it's okay if they go to the store which is about a 10 minute walk to and from to get a treat for my kids. DH and I agree since it was no longer raining and the walk was definitely much faster than the whole parade idea. I agreed but only because she was annoying the f out of me. DH knew this is the only reason I agreed.
Time went on and I realize they weren't back, they had already been gone a half hour at this point. DH is asleep on the couch and BIL is MIA but as soon as I found him I brought up how long they had been gone. BIL goes off to find them for me. I suffer from anxiety and panic and of course I leave my pills@my home but I'm in a full blown attack but holding it together the best I can---I do believe BIL knew this which is why he went to get them for me. Time keeps passing and DH is still sleeping and I'm wondering wth my daughter is. They finally get home an hour and a half after they left to go to the store. Of course I learn that MIL took DD to the parade. I'm livid but seeing as it isn't my house I hold my tongue however by this point I'm also shaking and bright red in the face. DH takes MIL into the backyard to talk with her. I'm maintaining myself because while yes I'm irked a bit with DD she is a child and it is the adult's responsibility to adhere to what we as her parents want. DH comes back in and states that MIL is sorry but she's really not because she doesn't feel she did anything wrong she was just being a grandma and spending time with her granddaughter. Whatever. I no longer want to be around my MIL, as a person she disgusts me. I tried to nicely and calmly explain to her that seeing as I do suffer from panic and anxiety that I'm a stickler for knowing exactly what my kids are up to when out with someone aside from DH or I. I also tell her that I think it's pretty underhanded to flat out lie to my face. All MIL did is so "oh yeah I'm sorry but we had a blast." Later on at home DH tells me that I'm paying for what her own mother did to her for years. Excuse me? I told DH that I do not care to go around his mom anymore as this is not my first or only issue with her. I'm always playing nice and if I see her again or she does anything remotely close to this it will come to blows and I will not play nice. I promise I'm not a violent person and I know that violence doesn't solve anything but why continue to be respectful and nice?
Sounds like my MIL. She does stuff that she KNOWS we hate under the guise of "what, me? I'm just being a grandma!" It's called undermining your parenting.
Honestly the parade isn't the issue at all. The issue is that you said "no" and she ignored your "no" regarding your children which basically sends the messege loud and clear to the kids that grandma is the boss, not mom and dad. And honestly, at least in my experience, that's my MILs goal. She wants to be the boss and in charge when shes around. So she purposely goes against our wishes JUST to be contrary and "put us in our place". It took a long time, but she has finally got the messege that it won't be tolerated. Now she just tells our children lies. She tells them that we are mean and don't want them to have any fun and tells them all the time that she want's to take them to Disney world, but mommy and daddy won't let her.
Pretty soon, at the rate shes going, I won't have to deal with her anymore at all as shes succeeding in making her own son HATE her guts.
ANYWAY, not to hijack, I totally feel your pain. She sounds liek a real pill, and I think you are in the right, not her. They're your kids. If you don't want them going to a parade, then they should not have gone, it doesn't matter what your reason is. Youa re the boss.