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and I couldn't be happier! I guess I've never been bored enough before to scroll all the way down to the bottom of the board listings, because I had no idea there was an inlaw board. I'm from the February 2011 DDC, we are execting our first baby on February 3rd.
My (future) MIL is annoying as heck and tends to make everything about her, but that will all come out eventually. My biggest problem right now is that her other son is getting out of prison, after serving 10 years for what she calls statuatory rape, in February. She seems to think that we should be a big happy family and I should let my daughter have a relationship with him, as well as my 11 year old stepdaughter. Sooo not happening! If it was statuatory rape, I probably would but I've read the court documents and it isn't. She just refuses to accept the truth and claims everything in the documents is a lie.
So that is my big problem right now. Actually it is SO's problem because I washed my hands. I drew my boundaries and they will be respected or she will have no contact with my daughter or my stepdaughter. My stepdaughter's mom has already spoken with an attorney to make sure she can't sue for grandparents rights, and she can't. I am glad she and I are on the same page about it. Actually SO is too, he is very supportive of my decision but I can picture him caving later.
First off, Shannon, I am sorry that your future MIL is such a PITA. She should be considering what might happen if her soon to be released and registered sex offender son is found to be in the company of minors (especially female minors). Having worked in a prison, I saw guys come back on new charges for failing to comply with the rules attached to being a registered sex offender or have their probation/parole revoked due to breaking the rules about contact with minors.
For some reason she, and BIL, swear that he has no restrictions on his release. I don't really get it because he has a 10 year long probation so I would assume he has some restrictions, but not according to them. If I cared enough, I am sure there is someone I could call to find out what those restrictions are, but I don't. I know that according to the sex offender website in our home state, being a registered sex offender does not necessarily mean he can't be around children. I would assume that his probation would have some restriction on it though. Whatever, I don't need the courts to protect my daughter, I will do it. I just hoped they might take some of the heat off of me and keep me from being the bad guy in the family.
I gave a brief description of his charges but don't know if anyone else will find it objectionable, so don't scroll if you do.
He had 13 different charges, and I think he was convicted of 7 of them. Three of them are from when he was 16, he videotaped an 8 year old doing inappropriate things. So he was charged with making the tape, and then with two counts of child pornography for having the tapes. The other 10 charges are from when he was 19 and the girl in question was 13. His mom swears she was 15 and he was 18 and the parents approved of the relationship so that's why it was statuatory rape. She denies the existance of the videotape in the first charges altogether.
Since neither of them would give me a straight answer on what the convictions were about, I went digging and found the court documents. Which is what I based my decisions on. He will never be in my daughter's presence, supervised or not. I was a victim and will never ever take that chance with my daughter. It is scary enough trusting anyone with her, why would I expose her to someone who is a known risk. My stepdaughter is 11, which seems a prime age to be a victim. So he will not be around either of them, ever. Since MIL does not respect our decision at all and either argues it or cries about it on a frequent basis, we've decided she can't take the girls unsupervised for awhile. We don't trust her to keep him away from them. She is positive that a relationship with his nieces, one whom he has never met, and one who isn't even born yet, will really help him and go a long way towards keeping him on the straight and narrow. Ha!
We can't have a rational discussion about it because she flips out whenever we try, so we've stopped. I don't care what she thinks, those are the rules. I would love to explain our reasoning to her but she doesn't want to hear it. She just yells over us and talks about the fact that he has PTSD and couldn't be held responsible for what he did, but he didn't do it anyway, blah blah blah. PTSD or no, he hasn't had any therapy at all and I am pretty sure 10 years in prison didn't help with that.
Don't get me wrong, I don't blame her for defending him. However, she has had to twist all kinds of things in order for him to be innocent in her mind. It's like she's lost all sense of logic. Either way, that's fine for her. It is not fine that she refuses to accept my boundaries and thinks I should expose my child to a potential danger.
I figure since she is a martyr anyway, this is like a gift for her. She can spend all the time she wants telling everyone how we are keeping her grandbabies from her.
Thank you so much for reading and responding. I am sure that I am making the right decision but I am still not a hundred percent comfortable with it, I keep trying to justify my decision to myself and the rest of the world over and over. I can't even tell you how many hours and days and now weeks I have spent reading and researching and trying to decide just how big of a risk he is.