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What would you do? Venting about MIL.


Forum: Inlaws

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  #1  
October 22nd, 2011, 07:35 PM
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 26
So today I threw a party at my house and we had a lot of family there. My 6 mo. old son was getting hungry and slightly fussy so I told my MIL that I would take him and feed him in a moment. Instead she went through my fridge and took out all the baby food jars and took it upon herself to feed him without asking me. It wouldn't have been a huge deal except that she fed him a jar of food that was really old that I had been meaning to throw out and hadn't yet. So when I saw her feeding him I said how much did he eat of that because it is OLD. And she said, "ohh... he didn't really like it, he didn't eat too much." So now I am worried about him getting sick, and it was homemade baby food, it had no label on it so she had no idea what it even was before she started feeding it to him!

I am so angry and frustrated, but don't want to start a huge family fight because then she'll hold a grudge for the next 20 years. I want to tell her to back the F--- off because he is my son! She is constantly taking him and doing whatever she wants without asking me, like going and waking him up from a nap after I just laid him down because she wants to hold him or take a friggin picture. I know I need to stand up to her but it is hard for me. What would you do or say?
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  #2  
October 23rd, 2011, 08:39 PM
Kayla0308's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Colorado
Posts: 424
I'm in the same situation as you (just posted my intro a few min ago). Normally I wouldn't say anything at all, but i'm getting to the point where I dont care if I hurt my MIL's feelings or make her mad with my comments. I think there becomes a time when you just have to say F-It and start telilng them how you feel. I"m so sorry you have to go through this!
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  #3  
October 24th, 2011, 01:53 AM
Keakie's Avatar Learning to walk in faith
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Near the land of cream cheese
Posts: 5,338
Is it her first grandchild? Maybe that could account for some of the overzealous stuff she's doing. It sounds like she's getting carried away with the new baby, not like she's deliberately trying to nudge you out of the way but I can certainly see how it could be super frustrating anyway.

As far as the baby food thing goes, I think I would let it slide. She probably assumed if you made it and it was in your fridge, it was fine to give to the baby. She still should have listened to you when you said you would feed him, but that's a boundary issue and so I would focus my energy towards laying out and enforcing your boundaries instead of getting hung up on the specifics of what she's doing.

You may need to just be blunt with her. I think if you sat down with your dh and her and said, "mil, I know you're really excited about the new baby and I think it's awesome how involved in his life you want to be. There are times, though, where you are not listening to our requests and to our plans and it is becoming problematic. We are his parents and our decisions as his parents need to be respected - that means when we say ________, we expect you to respect that and not ________. If you are unable to respect our roles in our son's life, we will need to limit the time we spend with you as a family. He will only be tiny once and it is important to us that our toes are not stepped on during this time. We welcome you as a presence in his life and want you be to be able to bond with him and if we need to set up some specifics (i.e. set up one afternoon per week or something of grandma and baby time, maybe while you grocery shop or go for a meal with your dh?) we can do that, but it is not acceptable for you to ignore our wishes for our child."

And stick to it. If she doesn't listen, visit less. :shrug: It isn't ideal, but some people need blunt and need to see that you're serious to get the message.
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