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  #1  
November 28th, 2011, 01:24 PM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Wisconsin
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I saw the invite on the cooking board and thought I'd come over. I didn't speak sooner because I didn't think that it was appropriate to vent about my in-laws (I didn't realize there were more out there who were having issues). But I'll give it a go.

As of right now my husband has decided we are going to have as little to do with his family as absolutely possible. There was an incident last week involving his son coming to visit and his sister behaved less than maturely.. and then they told everyone lies about the situation (we are close to one of his cousins) to make DH look bad. They feel that DH sided with me (they do not know we are married, he wanted to tell his ex wife first, since it's not been long since their divorce, but she's engaged too so that went awesome ) and that I'm tearing the family apart.

They do not treat him like a son/brother, more like a son in law/brother in law.. and that his ex was the actual family member. They make it very clear (and have said it) that they kept her in the divorce not him. Well they tried to step on DH's toes when we were making plans for me to drive up and get DSS for a week so he could see everyone, and tried to tell him that he could NOT have him on specific days. Since it was me to break the news to them (they wanted to drive with me, but they smoke and I do not.. so I made it impossible for them to come by saying they couldn't smoke before they got in the car, or at any time on the trip) they shot the messenger then used me to twist the story. After I told DH he went out to talk to them and the altercation occurred.

DH got screamed at (think Jerry Springer screaming) and kicked by his sister who jumped out of the car and went after him. He had a foot sized bruise on one leg. He did push her back away from him to avoid a second kick, but that's the most he touched her. Well they told the other sister, and his grandmother that he climbed into the car and started choking her, that he threw his brother in law on the ground (who actually came out and hugged him and chatted with him to try and calm him down) and that he went after his father! Seriously, this family is twisted and insane!

But what got DH the most, is that his grandmother fully believes what she was told and refuses to listen to the truth. She wont even let him talk to her about it. His grandfather thinks it's a bunch of crud and that they're protecting the sister for being an idiot. But DH is hurt by what his grandmother has done. That was his final straw.

This family doesn't come to visit him. Ever. His sister came up in Sept when DSS had surgery and stayed with his ex. didn't even come over to see DH's apartment. His parents have never been to Wi to see him (they live about 9 hrs away), they say they can't afford it, but in truth they expect everyone to come to THEM rather than making an effort. They made a comment a few months ago to me that if DH and I have a baby I better come down right away so they can see the baby while it's still new..... really? they'd want me to get in a car after giving birth with my new baby and drive 9hrs to see them? They can't save some money and come and see us?

DH said enough. He is not coming down here to see his family. They have some major making up to do, and it will start with THEM making an effort. DH has told his ex that DSS is not to come down here (we are currently in the same area as his family) until things have been worked out (which she is ok with, she doesn't want to come down either). The exception will be if we decide to come down and see his Aunt and Cousin (the ones who think this is crap and that his family is lying). He does feel bad since DSS is close to his cousins.. but one off the cousins is JUST like her mother (the one who attacked DH) and would be the first to bad mouth DH to his son.. and he just refuses to have that happen.


I really wanted these people to like me. Seriously, I even got down on the ground with dogs and played ( I don't like dogs) with them with the kids to make it like I fit in. I ate a meal I did not enjoy with a smile on my face, I've spoken well of them. I offered to drive 9 hours to get my step son so they could spend DAYS with him, rather than hours. But is that good enough for them? No, because I'm not his ex (his ex was a self proclaimed doormat, and they used her constantly.. I'm not that way, therefore not who they want around). 3 people have told me the only way I'm going to be accepted into the family is to give them a grandchild. That's one awful way to be accepted, in my opinion! DH says we'll go home to people who actually love us both (my family) rather than come down here, even if it's an extra 20hrs drive.


So that is my rant and explanation on why I have AWFUL inlaws.

And personally, I cannot wait for them to hear that we're married and watch them try and make things better because I'm gonna be the next baby vessel.
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Last edited by plan4fate; November 28th, 2011 at 01:26 PM.
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  #2  
November 28th, 2011, 08:06 PM
sfarrow3's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Omg girl!!! How horrible! First of all I'm so sorry you married into a group of looney bins! Lol secondly honestly no matter what you do( have a baby, play with the animals or beg them) it will not cause them to like you. I am in a similar situation where it use to bother me so badly that it caused some anxiety and depression. I use to create situations so they would accept me. I would buy things for them to like me. It did nothing to better the relationship and it caused me more stress than anything. It is so sad that DSS has to be involved in their drama. Can you all still have DSS down without involving his family? I would try to create some type of normal for him considering his mother is far from that! ((((hugs)))
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  #3  
November 28th, 2011, 09:09 PM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
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Location: Wisconsin
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We don't live in the area. DH does power plant reconstruction and this plant happens to be about 8 miles from where his entire family lives, but in the same town that his family works. Thankfully we are only two weeks from being DONE in this area.. for good. DH decided he will NOT accept another job in the area. He hated it here growing up, but did the "right" thing and bought a house for his ex here so DSS could be near his family. When they lost the house they moved up north to her family... It caused their marriage to fall apart.. but obviously that has been for the better since both of them have moved on and are happy (she's getting married in Feb, I'm soo excited for her!).

We have to come back for a single night in January (the company headquarters are here, and all employees have to come in for stuff before the start of new jobs), but we won't see anyone while we're here. I won't comeback willingly unless it's for a- a funeral or b-to see his cousin Teri who we BOTH adore (Teri's mom raised DH for the first 6 weeks of his life). But she'd happily drive halfway to see us.

There was a prior incident, where his 18 year old cousin who was living in the apt we moved into before she was evicted by another cousin (she couldn't afford the apt anymore, so gave it up to us) who went and told her mother that I was using DH for his money, that I didn't cook, or clean, that I was lazy, never got dressed (which is true, I like my jammies when I'm laying around), that I didn't sleep with DH (we do sleep apart while hes working cause he snores) and we weren't intimate. The family believed it! Me, the girl who was walking 3 miles to get his favorite roast beef for lunches, or a cheese cake, or one day I walked it to get him 3 donuts. His family knew I was doing it cause they always stopped me in the store to talk to me about it! His mom told me I baby him too much.. and then turns around and helps spread rumors that I don't take care of him?!

DSS has asked why he didn't get to come down here to see his family... and was told that his Aunt hurt daddy and said mean things. DSS got angry, threw a toy and said he'd kick her butt if she did it again! (he's very much a daddy's boy). We won't openly bash the family to DSS, but we aren't going to lie to him about what happens either.

I have a "everyone must like me" problem. Have been that way my whole life. But at this point.. I do not care what these people think, or say. I love my husband AND his son. I moved 1800 miles, am giving up citizenship to my own country to be with them. That says enough about my love to me, if they can't see it, they can kiss my bootay! He has to go back out to his parents, he has some things stored there that he wants to remove before they do something to destroy them (very common in his family...), and I had originally said I wasn't going with.. Now I'm very tempted to go and sport my wedding band... give them something legit to be pissed about (the fact we didn't tell them)!
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~TTC #1 together 2 years and counting ~


Awesome siggy made by Jaidynsmum
Matthew and Mark 08/24/2005 9w1d, Mattie Anne 04/07/2008 8w Mel and Dee 01/19/2010 (8 weeks) and 5 chemical pregnancies
Hope 07/22/2012@4w1d,Konnor 11/24/2012@3w6d,"Emmy"1/15/2013@ 3w6d,Ronen 02/10/2013@3w5d,Joy 07/19/2013@3w6d, "Pea" 09/06/2013@ 3w3d


Hashimoto's Thyroiditis, PCOS, Insulin resistant.
150mcg Synthyroid, 500mg Metformin (aiming for 1500mg)

Last edited by plan4fate; November 28th, 2011 at 09:14 PM.
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  #4  
November 29th, 2011, 09:17 AM
Keakie's Avatar Learning to walk in faith
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