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always, it's little things his mother does. they may not seem like big deals to anyone else but the bf and i are so embarrassed by her lol. he wardrobe needs to be updated, and he's always making fun of her for it; all of her clothes look like they're from 1988 and on. spring of last year they visited for a couple of days and one day she wore these awful floral print capris with an oversized cheesasaurus rex t-shirt and some bonnet hat thing. boyfriend and his father were VERY open about how ugly they thought her capris were and she turned to me saying "i bet SHE doesnt think they're ugly!" as if expecting me to be on 'her side'. i just kindda looked them up and down a bit, grimaced and all i could say was "well... ummm..." before the two men laughed and said i agreed with them. we went to nyc with them about a year ago, and she's a very frugal woman. we went to a few museums and she had some special tourist book with discounts and such, and when one museum didn't know what it was or accept it or something she stood there arguing with them until they finally accepted it. she dragged me to a fabric store and bought a bunch of stuff i knew nothing about, expecting me to learn how to sew. the cashier asked what i was having and i replied a girl, but his mother immediately opened her mouth and said "well it COULD be a boy!" (i've heard more than enough from his parents about the gender, they're so set on it being a boy it's so annoying!! ). oh, but before we got to the register, she had a big sewing table she was carrying and she cut in front of the other customers that were getting in line (it's one of those stores that has and entrance to the lines and they loop around ropes or a shelf) not even concerned about them. i gave them a "sorry, she doesnt really know what she's doing" look. i dont know, those may sound like little things to others but i especially dont like being in public with her. his dad isnt that bad i guess, but if we dont have to go anywhere with them that involves public or other people, i'm happy.
When my DH and I first got together we had to live with his parents for 3 months. His mother would walk in in the middle of the night and ask what we had been doing. If we locked the door she would bang on it until it was opened. Once the door was opened she would ask if my mother knew what we were doing and if she was ok with it. Mind you she would do this between Midnight and 3am a couple times a week.
So far my MIL hasnt done anything embarrassing, in fact its all been on my own parents. Everything from giving money back to her during the wedding as part of her way of helping, to trying to keep DH's entire family on the side burner for the whole wedding. They destroyed the whole event and ruined what should have been the happiest night of our lives. Its been a year and no one in my entire family will speak to me about what happened because my mother has twisted the story so many times they all are siding with her. None of the wedding was what we wanted we wanted something small and quiet and informal, with just a few friends and family. Mother felt the need to invite the entire family tree. She chose the location, the menu for food for the wedding night and reception and rehearsal dinner. The only thing I chose was the gown and color of my flowers. We almost missed our own wedding because i lost my job 10 days before the actual ceremony, then the car broke down and we had to spend all of our money including the money from my grandfather that was our wedding gift, to repair the car. Then she had the nerve to scream at me the day after the wedding for us being poor and unable to get gifts for the wedding party and that she is in debt because of how much money she chose to put into a wedding we didnt ask for. Granted i wouldn't change it it was beautiful, but it wasnt our wishes of what we wanted. So she screams at us in front of everyone. Embarrassing me to the whole family, and its been this way with her since i was little, she and i have never been close. so a year goes by and no one will speak to me no matter what I do. I had apologized to them several times if i had done anything to hurt or upset them. A whole year goes by and she texts me out of the blue saying she has an idea to fix what had happened at the wedding. She said that neither us nor they will ever speak of it again and we will forget it ever happened and move forward. She expects me to act and feel as though it never happened. She has not even given me the right to express how I feel and why, just like she always has. Any time i stood up to her psychological abuse and controlling behavior i was suddenly the child of the devil. She would scream that I am just like my birth parents ( i was adopted, and only recently found out everything i knew about my adoption was yes another lie in my life). She kicked me our 3 days before Christa in 3 feet of snow, I walked 3 miles in the dark down a back country high way when I was 16 until I had cell range and called my boyfriend at the time, and stayed in a cheap hotel till Christmas morning when she "invited me to Christmas breakfast" and then acted like nothing had happened. I have been in and out of therapy and counseling for the past 10 years, almost entirely because of this woman who chose to adopt me because she wanted children. I feel nothing for her in my heart, nothing in the world, and for my adopted dad? He always sided with her for everything, I used to be daddys girl, but its to the point where i almost feel nothing for him. If they died or became very ill I would go to them and help. But I went through 3 life threatening surgeries, 2 of which were heart surgeries, I am a mother to a 4 year old, where were my parents when I was in surgery? Nowhere. I left the hospital after my second surgery because my friend picked me up with my 2 month (at the time) old son because his father was off getting high. I went home medicated in an arm sling and stopped at a cheap all you can eat buffet on the way. I recovered all on my own with no support from the baby-daddy or my parents after surgery, a recovery that takes months, I had to do in weeks all alone. To this day they pretend and turn a blind eye to my feelings.
My birth family who I have been in reunion for almost a year now, have shown me more love and support than I have had from the family that adopted me, in many many years. So, overall the most embarrassing thing my MIL has done? Nothing.
*obviously I am still very damaged, hurt, angry and so many emotions under the son for my parents, and very much for the father of my child who is a complete dead beat. Im sorry if I took over the thread. I dont talk to many people in general, and only ever really talk to DH about what I feel inside because all my life, expressing my feelings inside was always Taboo. So im sorry. Sometimes it just comes rushing out like a tsunami...
Sometimes, I find it is easier to tell a computer how I am feeling than someone I have to look in the eye. But, the relief from being able to open up and tell someone else whether you ever meet them or not is so wonderful.
Sorry your adopted family has become so terrible to deal with and try to have a relationship with. Good news seems to be that you have a loving husband who cares and you can open up to and you are getting in touch with your birth family and the relationship sounds like it is blossoming.
My MIL has never done anything to embarrass me, in public or in private. I can't think of any instances where my FIL has embarrassed me in public, but he has made a few off-color remarks to me in private that embarrassed and upset me.
I'm embarrassed for a lot of reasons. FIL does a very good job of playing complex mind games. He puts on a face to the public eye and as a business owner has all sorts of contact with people throughout the community. When dealing with others from the community he plays the part of a very sweet, innocent, soft spoken old man. He had me fooled for the first year that I worked there and when DH and I were dating.
However, he treats his family in a whole other way. Like, he comes in for dinner and sits at the table and she puts is food on his plate ... A d if it needs to be cut, he just stares at her and sits there until she gets up and cuts it for him. The whole family responds so quickly to his passive aggressive silent controlling of them that I seriously wonder if he was very violent in his younger days and now they are scared of him?
Anyhow, I'm sure the whole community is thinking that I am an awful person, leaving this sweet, gentle looking old man to work so hard at such an old age. I'm humiliated to go out in the community because I'm so sure that people are thinking or saying things like that about me.
It's really hard but I tell myself that A) What other people think / say about me is none of my business and B) I can spend a lifetime trying to prove myself to a whole community of people, but that takes a lifetime. In reality, me living my best life will prove my good intentions and by the time I've proved it... All the people I'm proving myself to will be dead and buried.