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It depends on how the action makes me feel. I have a tense relationship with my MIL plus we live several states away. SO, if I hear or see her doing something with my children that I have a very strong reaction to I may get my husband to handle her. My strong reactions result in confrontations usually. If it is just something I am not comfortable with I will try to handle it myself in a respectful manner. However, she is dense about everything when she wants her way and my husband typically has to be sent in to reinforce everything I said/say. Which still doesn't go well but atleast he is the one having to confront her not me.
i wish there was a right answer to this... as my family i can easily talk to them with any issues and that inclues there SO... but my SIL was liing with me i had issues with her so i talked to my bf about his sister as it seemed like she was always avoiding him well everytime i talked to him n he talked to her it seemed to make matters worse as he was then hated and then we were both the bad guys. either way its a lose lose situation for us when it comes to that with some people
Well since my DH NEVER stands up to his mother. It is usually me that has to say something and then she plays like she had no idea and she was so sorry so that it makes me look like the bully. I never have problems with my FIL or step MIL but if I did I would probably get DH to talk to them because they already think I am over the top and don't let my kids get dirty enough or eat enough sugar..things like that..LOL
I make my husband deal with his mom because she is crazy and always plays the innocent act. He is afraid I will snap at her and say something I shouldn't (and I can't say that he is wrong about that. . .) However, he isn't very good at confronting her and getting mad when he should, so I'm in a no-win situation it seems. I've already flown off the handle with her once, and I'd rather not be the one to look like the b**** again when I really didn't do anything.
It is most appropriate for your husband to speak up. This is not because there is anything wrong with you speaking up, this is because it will be most effective for him to be the one to speak up. He needs to deal with his family and you, yours. This removes any accusations that you are just an outsider. You are already the one who married in, so it is best to not put yourself in the middle of their family dynamics.
In most cases, your DH should speak to them since they are his parents. I have had my DH speak to his father about inappropriate, offensive things his father has said to me a few times.
However, if it is regarding your children, then I think either one of you can speak up. My DH and I don't have children yet, so it's not an issue for us. I really believe, though, that you should be able to speak up any time if your in laws are doing or saying something to your children that you do not agree with.