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My in laws have done the unimaginable


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  #1  
August 18th, 2012, 06:24 AM
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 1
I need to share my story and hope that someone can help me. My story goes like this:
My husband and I have been married for 10 months. He is the love of my life and we are so happy. I use to love his family too. I don't have a close relationship with my own mother so I really bonded with his.
My husband and I are having trouble getting pregnant. I got off the pill about 4 years ago and never ended up pregnant so I knew there were problems. Well when we got married we decided to aggressively persue the issue. When we first started, my husband had his sperm tested and it came back with low morphology (4%). My doctor was a little concerned at first, however he said it wasn't impossible to have a baby, so we began fertility treatment 8 months ago. I actually conceived the first month, but miscarried a few weeks in. We have been doing everything short of IVF. I had IUI, which was unsuccessful and upon doing that procedure, my doctor could only find 4 usuable sperm. He concluded at that time that was the reason we can't conceive and/or sustain pregnancy.

So that's the history in short. Here is my problem:

I'm not close to own mother, so I have been confiding in my mother in law about all of the fertility issues from the past 8 months. She's acted like my friend and pretened to be supportive and I didn't think there were any problems until 3 days ago. A loyal member of the family called me and said "There is some really bad stuff going around the family about you and I wanted you to be aware". He said "the things your mother in law are saying about you are so sick that I can't repeat them" So I confronted my mother in law to confront her and she denied it, of course. So my husband confronted her. This is what she has been telling the family and also what she is trying to get my husband to believe:

She said that I never had a misscarriage, that I had an abortion and lied and said it was a MC because I never wanted a baby anyway.

She said that all this time I've been lying about taking my fertility meds and actually just throwing them away.

She said that when I say I'm going to DR appts I'm actually shopping during that time and faking the information I'm reporting to them.

She said that I am just acting like I want to have a baby with her son so I'm lying about everything. And she's trying to make my husband believe it as well.

So I went to my dr. and I had them print the whole history of the past year. My husband gave her the papers and she can't accept it. Now she is saying that the Dr. falsified the papers and that none of it is true.

Yesterday was a bad day. We had a 3 way phone conversation with her and she was telling my husband that I was telling her all these horrible things ...just trying to turn him against me.

I think she is having trouble with the fact that our fertility issues stem from her son's issues and not mine, so she's trying to point the finger at me. But in the process, she's accused me of doing the most horrific things and I just do not know how our marriage is going to survive. I don't want my husband to feel like he has to chose between us but on the other hand, I don't know how he expects for me to ever see that woman again.

The worst part is my husband works with his father and brother and even the two of them believe I've done these things. It's just a horrible situation. What do I do??
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  #2  
August 18th, 2012, 03:16 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: long island, ny
Posts: 1,247
~hugs~ family counseling? i hope everything works out
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  #3  
August 21st, 2012, 07:14 AM
TerriLF's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 565
Wow. I am so sorry you are having to deal with these family issues on top of fertility issues. That woman sounds like a nut. I don't see how everyone is believing her. I don't have much advice but to sit down and talk with your husband and tell him you don't want this to destroy your marriage, but that you don't want it to destroy his relationship with his family either. I hate my MIL but I still have to see her at family functions. We just don't talk that much. She is a good grandma, just horrible MIL. It can be done. What I don't know is how you are going to show others that she is the liar and not you. Hugs..Sorry I don't have any advice. I hope someone on here can help you.
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  #4  
August 27th, 2012, 12:59 AM
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 5
We had issues like this (and worse) with my husband's father and his wife. My husband made the choice to cut them out of our lives. Anyone who can't play none with Mommy AND Daddy doesn't get access to our kids.

Your situation is sticky. Is there any way your husband can find another job? Are your FIL and BIL willing to listen to your husband defend you?

Your best bet is to cut ties and get away from them. And anyone who believes her and doesn't hear your side can be thrown in with your MIL.
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  #5  
August 27th, 2012, 01:00 AM
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 5
We had issues like this (and worse) with my husband's father and his wife. My husband made the choice to cut them out of our lives. Anyone who can't play none with Mommy AND Daddy doesn't get access to our kids.

Your situation is sticky. Is there any way your husband can find another job? Are your FIL and BIL willing to listen to your husband defend you?

Your best bet is to cut ties and get away from them. And anyone who believes her and doesn't hear your side can be thrown in with your MIL.
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  #6  
September 5th, 2012, 01:30 PM
short_n_swt's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: In the middle of a disaster!
Posts: 2,595
First, hugs to you and what you are going through. I can't imagine the added stresses are making getting pregnant any easier either.

IMO, since she came clean about spreading these rumors she seems to believe, has anyone asked her genuinely why she believes you are lying? And I don't mean yell at her in a confrontation way. But truly sitting down and opening up and saying, "this whole situation is really hurtful to me, can you tell me why you feel this way" kinda thing.

I highly doubt your husband feels you are lying, he seems to be on your side. You don't say how close DH and his mom are, but her lies could end up tearing the whole family apart, especially when you do have a positive test. Maybe she doesn't believe there are such things as fertility problems.

All in all, I don't think cutting your ties altogether is the answer, but I think you and DH need to give the situation a break and continue with your own lives without including everyone else. And why is he discussing your fertility concerns at work with his father and brother? Some things should stay private.

Best of luck
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  #7  
September 6th, 2012, 03:28 PM
MzzMommaD's Avatar Sleepy Rat Rattery
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Phoenix AZ
Posts: 1,055
Im so sorry you are going through this. Its very unfair and inconsiderate of her to act this way. Have there been any changes in a positive direction? How are you holding up?
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  #8  
September 25th, 2012, 02:02 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 557
You never ever should have given her those papers...ever. They are none of her business.

The lines are drawn. Stop trying to convince your MIL to be decent. She is a nasty evil piece of trash. She needs to be cut out of you and your husbands life. She should not even have contact with your husband.

You need to grieve the loss of what you thought this relationship was. It is not that. And in fact, it is extremely destructive to you, your marriage, and your children when they do come along. It is normal to be in denial...denial is a normal part of grieving.

And STOP trying to convince her that you were telling the truth. She KNOWS this. She LIED because she wanted to hurt you. No way did she really believe the stuff you said. She is a LIAR and an abuser. No matter how nice you once thought she was, she was not. She is EVIL.

And your husband needs to switch jobs.
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  #9  
September 28th, 2012, 01:39 AM
MzzMommaD's Avatar Sleepy Rat Rattery
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Phoenix AZ
Posts: 1,055
How are you holding up my dear? It seems we have not yet heard from you. I hope you and your husband are doing alright and things are getting better. When you are ready please do give us an update. The best of wishes to you. And fingers crossed for dust and sticky beans.
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  #10  
May 16th, 2013, 01:05 PM
Veteran
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 224
That is nuts!!!!!!! I would invite her to a DR appt just to rub it in her face.
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