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Where to begin. I could actually use some advice here. Lets start with some background information. DH and I are sort of young, and when we found out we were pregnant, we decided to move in with his family so that we could save money to buy a house in a few years. This has turned out to be a huge sacrifice because of my in laws. First of all, we are young but we are not children. DH is 20 and I am 21. I am an extremely independent person, and I am totally capable of raising a child. I have had lots of experience with babies, and am constantly keeping up with the current info on childcare etc...all in all, DH and I take our family, our marriage and parenting VERY seriously. However, my FIL seems to think all of the above are some kind of joke, because we are too young and couldnt possibly handle the above things. Now, when we moved in, I loved his parents. I chose to live here over my own parents house because I honestly thought we would get along better. Well, there have been little things that made me think m FIL had no respect for the effort my DH and I are making, and the seriousness with which we regard this situation. First of all, when I was pregnant, he always refered to it as an "adverse" situation. Sorry, but I dont see it that way. Yes, it was unplanned but DH and I have been together for a long time, and we are madly in love, and his parents know this. We werent marriedd at the time, we got married din April, but we were going to get married right after college, and were going to start trying to get pregnant shortly thereafter, we LOVE kids and couldnt wait to have our own. So when we got pregnant a little earlier than planned, we were scared, but we were ecstatic. ANyway, FIL does stuff like, takes her away from us if shes crying, shooes me away from her if he wants to hold her eetc...we yesterday, he sits DH and I down to lay into us about our room and bathroom being messy. Now, our daughter is only 4 weeks old today. I had 2nd degree tears, and was in a lot of pain for the first 3 weeks. Only recently had I been able to start getting organized and stuff. DH goes to school and works from home. PLUS WE HAVE A NEWBORN hello! Were still adjusting. Plus, I did clean everything and do all our laundry last week, but over the weekend we were really busy and some clothes did not make there way to the hamper. So he gives us this speil, and tells me that earlier my DH and his mom had a fight about the "lack of cleanliness" and DH said we wanted to move out. Well this seemed to make FIL angry. DH and I have been trying to decide whether its better for us to live here or move out. We keep deciding we want to stick it out here because that is best. Anyhoo, at the end of the convo, FIL says, so , you still want to move out?? All mad like...and DH is like no, but I have to do what is right for my family. Then later, we are out at a neighbors house for DHS moms birthday and FIL brings up what DH said about doing whats right for our family in front of everyone, like it was funny that he said that. He and one of MIls friends were sitting there joking about it, because DH had just introduced the baby and myself as his wife and daughter. This friend thought that was "cute"...I was appalled. FIL also tries to control everyone in his house in any way possible. He keeps all of DHs important documents, and he makes us put any of our doc appts for us and the baby in his "family" datebook. I am going crazy. But I dont want to move out because I know this is the best thing, and we wont be here that long...our baby wont remember. Anyway, does anyone have any advice, I feel like the most important thing in my life has been disrespected and mocked.
I have never lived with my IL's but seems this would be about the same thing I would go through if I did. You might want to tell him nicely that this is your family and you are more than capable of handling the stuff like finances, doc appts., etc. Also, let him know the cleanliness issues are not because you are "lazy", that you just had a baby and were recovering. I am sure the bedroom and bathroom were not so messy before the baby came. And it is appalling he is using your family situation for the butt of his jokes with his circle of friends. My MIL did that about a year after we were dating (well a little differently, told everyone I just had an ovarian cyst that ruptured instead of telling everyone I just suffered a miscarriage a couple of days prior at a family gathering) but still used our situation to feel like the superior.
I wish you the best of luck!
Thank you KimberlyD0 for my absolutely beautiful siggy!
Wow hun so sorry you are dealing with that!! Your FIL sounds like an unbelievably controlling, manipulative man. And I completely sympathize about the healing of a birth, I was "down" for nearly a month from a complicated birth. But to have someone tell you that you aren't being clean, that's crazy! Doesn't he remember how hard it was to have a newborn??!! And he takes the baby from you? You are a strong woman, because I would have hit him with a frying pan! Sounds like he isn't an easy man to communicate with, so explaining how you feel probably won't work. I would have to move out, for the sanity of myself, and the sake of my relationship. You and DH need this time to bond with your baby, and establish yourself as a family. Clearly FIL won't let you do that, so eliminate him from the problem. Good luck!!