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  #1  
July 29th, 2006, 06:18 AM
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I just wanna know how your inlaws are with your kids? If you have kids? I really thought my inlaws would be a lot different once hubby and I had our baby. Like they would really be in to her and we would actually get sick of them OR have to tell them to quit getting her stuff but that's not the way they are at all. Sometimes they go for 6 weeks or longer without seeing her (remember they only live 5 mins away!) and they never ask if we need anything for her nor do they ever just bring her something. I have a 13 year old from a previous marriage but this is their 1st & only grandchild basically. I really thought they would be a lot different. Hubby can't believe the way they are either. It's strange. They know that sometimes we struggle and just get by with paying our house payment and bills but they never ask if Jaden needs anything. Pretty much I think they SUCK as grandparents and dh has admitted it as well. In the beginning when I was pregnant I should have known they were going to be different because after we told them I was pregnant they didn't call or bother with us until I was almost 5 mos preg and even then they didn't do much. Towards the end of the pregnancy they acted all nicey nice. (wonder why? LOL)But I would send them like an ultrasound and I wrote on it "Hello grammy and pappy" (an u/s where it looked like she was waving to the camera) and they didn't even acknowledge they got it. I just think that is ignorent. Am I wrong to think that? I had a previous m/c and hubby kept saying that was why they didn't bother for awhile because they were afraid and worried. I don't buy it. I think that would make them want to be around more and call more and see if I was okay. But they didn't. Anyway I was just wondering what your inlaws were like with your kids? I don't expect anyone else to take care of us or our kids and I don't expect gifts for the kids every day or even every month but they never get them anything --especially the baby. I mean even at the hospital they didn't get her an outfit or anything when she was born. I thought that was a tradition? Everyone brings an outfit? Or something...? Nope not them. They brought a balloon. Hubby sometimes gets upset with me cuz he thinks that I expect to much out of people and I expect them to be like I am, which in a way he IS right but I just expect to be treated the same way I treat others. I try not to be rude to people and I have a huge heart and I don't know maybe it's too huge cuz it gets trampled on all the time. Especially by these people. I just hear of how some talk of how their parents or in laws bought this or that for their grandkids and I just don't get why my inlaws are like this. ? Hubby says they are just cheap. (lol) Anyone have inlaws like mine?
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  #2  
July 29th, 2006, 07:37 AM
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My inlaws are just plain weird! My mil actually got jealous of Ian when he was born. She has major control issues. That's a whole other story though! The day after my c-section, while I was still in the hospital, she asked my dh if he needed to go to Wal-Mart with her. He wanted to get me something and since it was only like 7 minutes away from the hospital I said ok. He rode with her, and they were gone for 2 and a half HOURS!!! I was soooo mad, and they didn't have a cell phone so I couldn't call him. When they got back he was really mad at her. Well, she wanted to get an ice cream at Mcdonald's, and she had to sit down to eat it and blah blah blah!!! I was livid to say the least. The next day she came to see us, I still wouldn't really talk to her, she was holding the baby and he started crying. My dh was just joking and he saidoh, he just doesn't like you" and we all laughed because you could tell it was a joke!!! Not her, she got so mad she left and didn't come to see us for several days, she didn't even call to check on us or see if we were home yet. Nothing. One of dh's stupid sisters told my mom "she's having a really hard time with all of this"!!! All of WHAT? What did she have to go through? She just makes me so mad. Sorry for the rambling. Thanks for listening if you're still here!
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  #3  
July 29th, 2006, 09:51 AM
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I am due Oct 27th. When we told his mother all she said was" I thought you were smarter that that" WTH??? Nice thing to say huh? She hasn't talked to me since she'll call DH's cell and talk to him but not one word to me. Then I made a website for Colin ( our babies name ) and asked everyone to sign the guestbook and as acomment she had to put " To young to be a grandmother" That was the final draw she is 45 and has 2 sons in there 20's. This will be her first grandchild and I'll tell you one thing if she trys to run things at the hospital,(if she even shows up) i'll knock her out.
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  #4  
July 29th, 2006, 09:59 AM
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My mother in law spoils them. Especially my son. She tries to get him over at least once a week. With my DD she hasn't spent as much time with, but thats because she is still pretty young (3 months) and I haven't left her overnight yet. My step father in law adores them for Christmas my son was given a rocking chair. A hand built rocking chair. Its gorgeous and HUGE. We have not had to buy very much for our son as far as toys or clothes go. My other father in law usally just gives us money to get them things with because he hates shopping. But they are great with them. Now MY mother and father are the ones that don't see them as often. My mom has been working a lot and she does a lot of other things so she hasn't seen the kid in...almost a month. My father has never seen my daughter. He saw my son at some point last summer. for 3 minutes, he has spent maybe 20 minutes total with him.But then again I havent seen my father that much either
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  #5  
July 29th, 2006, 02:26 PM
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My MIL is pretty good to the kids. though sometimes I feel like even though she lives so far away she could do more, like call my 6 year old everyonce in awhile or something like my parents do. I know that her daughter's girls she is always helping out with and getting things for like I knwo she took my 6 year niece out school shopping she never offered to help us out with Tori's school stuff. She also pays for her private school, never has offered to pay or even help out for Tori, not that I care cause she goes to a great public school, but...oh I don't know She seems to be more involved at least when DH is home but since he left she does not seem to even respond to updates I give her about the girls.
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  #6  
July 29th, 2006, 08:30 PM
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Quote:
My MIL is pretty good to the kids. though sometimes I feel like even though she lives so far away she could do more, like call my 6 year old everyonce in awhile or something like my parents do. I know that her daughter's girls she is always helping out with and getting things for like I knwo she took my 6 year niece out school shopping she never offered to help us out with Tori's school stuff. She also pays for her private school, never has offered to pay or even help out for Tori, not that I care cause she goes to a great public school, but...oh I don't know She seems to be more involved at least when DH is home but since he left she does not seem to even respond to updates I give her about the girls.[/b]
I understand where you are coming from...it's not like you want or "need" your MIL to do all that extra stuff but it would be nice once and awhile. (like she does for the other grandchild)
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  #7  
July 29th, 2006, 10:35 PM
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My M&FIL were so so so excited to be having another grandbaby! Their next youngest grand child is 15 (my DSS), and they don't get to see the others very often at all (there's only four more that aren't ours). Now, my DH is quite a bit older than me, so his parents are nearing 80; I don't know if that makes a difference or not? They told us after she was born that they MUST see her weekly, so they make the trip up, usually on Thursdays, and bring something for the older girls with them when they come--which is really nice, considering that they aren't their bio grandchildren. They don't normally bring anything for the baby, but my MIL does always call when they're on the way (it's about a 30-40 minute drive) and asks if we need anything. Sometimes they can't make it up, though--my MIL took a really bad fall and cracked her head open AND busted her knee cap, so she was inside for a while. So I was driving the kids down to see them and have lunch with her and dad while she was recovering.

It's my parents that we don't see much (they live a little over an hour away, but they work so much that we don't spend a lot of time together). And everytime Maddie sees my mom she starts to cry. It's sad, since she was always so close my other girls when they were babies... and my parents are really young for having 15 grandchildren, I think (dad's 57 and mom's 54). but they aren't retired like my IL's, so they see less of the kids.
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  #8  
July 31st, 2006, 01:24 AM
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Quote:
Then I made a website for Colin ( our babies name ) and asked everyone to sign the guestbook and as acomment she had to put " To young to be a grandmother" That was the final draw she is 45 and has 2 sons in there 20's. This will be her first grandchild and I'll tell you one thing if she trys to run things at the hospital,(if she even shows up) i'll knock her out.[/b]
Let her know she is not the youngest to become a grandmother. My mom was 36 when my DD was born and though she was not too happy at first because I was 15 when I got pregnant, someone at work got her a "Worlds Greated Grandma" t-shirt and she proudly wore it. By the time my DD is 20 I will be 36 so I have a feeling I will also be a young grandma (hpefully she finishes high school at least though).




My IL's are so great with my kids! They can drive me crazy sometimes but my MIL will actually call me to complain if she hasn't seen them in a few weeks (unless she is travelling) and calls to schedule to take them shopping or to the park or to keep my older ones for the night (which I might add, those 2 are not biologically theirs).

My ex-MIL tried to take over with my DD. There was a time after she was born that I was going to go back to HS and get my diploma. My DD was 2.5 months old when I enrolled. I was all ready to go, we had the arrangements all made but 2 days before, she changed the entire plan....she wanted my ex-husband to drop her off at 8pm, she would keep her all night and all day M-F while my ex worked and I went to school. I would get her back around 4pm and then have to turn around and drop her back off again in just a few short hours. So needless to say, I never went back to HS, got my GED instead.
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  #10  
July 31st, 2006, 09:46 AM
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Quote:
Then I made a website for Colin ( our babies name ) and asked everyone to sign the guestbook and as acomment she had to put " To young to be a grandmother" That was the final draw she is 45 and has 2 sons in there 20's. This will be her first grandchild and I'll tell you one thing if she trys to run things at the hospital,(if she even shows up) i'll knock her out.[/b]
Let her know she is not the youngest to become a grandmother. My mom was 36 when my DD was born and though she was not too happy at first because I was 15 when I got pregnant, someone at work got her a "Worlds Greated Grandma" t-shirt and she proudly wore it. By the time my DD is 20 I will be 36 so I have a feeling I will also be a young grandma (hpefully she finishes high school at least though).




[/b]
My mom was 35!! My sister got pg at 14, and gave birth at 15, four months before my mom turned 36... they were upset at first, but my parents are coolest, hippest grandparents ever (they have 15 grandchildren and are still pretty young). My dad has this shirt he just LOVES to wear out: "Grandpa is my name and spoiling is my game."
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  #11  
July 31st, 2006, 09:55 AM
*Bry*'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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[quote]

I feel like they want nothing to do with me and only tolerate me because I gave birth to their grandchildren.
~~~
Erin I feel the same way about my inlaws I really do! I feel like they do not like me. And I don't like the way they do things and their "grandparenting" skills basically suck. They do nothing for Jaden.


I also wanted to add about the "too young to be a grandmother" thing..my Mom said that when I was pregnant with my son. I was 20 so she was 38 or so and she said she did not want to be called Grandmother. I knew from that comment on there was going to be problems with my Mother.
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  #12  
July 31st, 2006, 03:51 PM
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They came to see us in the hospital the day after I had her and stayed for about 15 minutes. Brandon and I took her over there for the day when she was almost 4 weeks, and Cece (his mom) oogled over her for 10 minutes, and that's it. I took her other there about two weeks ago and his dad didn't even acknowledge her.
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  #13  
July 31st, 2006, 04:54 PM
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she spoils the heck out of dh's son but has said she is going to pretend our baby doesn't exist (mostly, that's a huge relief, actually)
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  #14  
July 31st, 2006, 09:33 PM
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For my inlaws it has always been out of sight out of mind.. They only see our kids if we take them over.. They will not come to our home and see them.. They will go weeks even months without seeing them.. We moved away for three years. And they never called or came to see us.. Then they came through the town we lived in and went to my hubby's Grandpa's and called us to go see them.. My hubby actually stood up them and told them off.. Now that we are back in the same town.. They will go up to where my hubby and ask him how the kids are... And like a fool he fills them in.. I told him next time to tell them if they wanted to know to go to our house and visit them..

And Walker is getting where he knows... My SIL has a little boy that is Walker's age.. And when he sees my inlaws. He says there is Tristan's grandpa or Tristan's grandma.. I remind him that they are his grandparents too.. The other night he asked my hubby if he was going to his dad's house..

I just hate that they treat my kids like that... My SIL kids are their world.. I know how it feels.. My dad's parents treated us like my inlaws treat my kids... I told my hubby when our keds are old enough to realize how they are he was not forcing them to go over there.. At first he argued with me.. But ever since he realized how they are he doesn't say a word
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  #15  
August 1st, 2006, 05:10 AM
*Bry*'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
For my inlaws it has always been out of sight out of mind.. They only see our kids if we take them over.. They will not come to our home and see them.. They will go weeks even months without seeing them.. We moved away for three years. And they never called or came to see us.. Then they came through the town we lived in and went to my hubby's Grandpa's and called us to go see them.. My hubby actually stood up them and told them off.. Now that we are back in the same town.. They will go up to where my hubby and ask him how the kids are... And like a fool he fills them in.. I told him next time to tell them if they wanted to know to go to our house and visit them..

And Walker is getting where he knows... My SIL has a little boy that is Walker's age.. And when he sees my inlaws. He says there is Tristan's grandpa or Tristan's grandma.. I remind him that they are his grandparents too.. The other night he asked my hubby if he was going to his dad's house..

I just hate that they treat my kids like that... My SIL kids are their world.. I know how it feels.. My dad's parents treated us like my inlaws treat my kids... I told my hubby when our keds are old enough to realize how they are he was not forcing them to go over there.. At first he argued with me.. But ever since he realized how they are he doesn't say a word[/b]
WOW your in-laws sound a little bit like mine. Mine do come over but not often. They expect us to come to their house all the time and we don't. I feel bad that your kids are treated like that. Do U have any clue why?
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  #16  
August 1st, 2006, 09:13 AM
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My in laws see us and Hailey mostly on family holidays (Christmas, Easter, Mother's and Father's Day) because the holidays are all at their house so we go up there (about 1 1/2 hours away.) They tell us at the last minute about family birthday celebrations, so we don't go to those.

Then they complain that they only get to see us when there are too many other people around and that we should come up more often. (My DH has been working 18 hour days lately and we have an infant. My MIL is a travel agent from home who has PLENTY of time to go shopping and to the gym. AND my FIL 'works from home' one day a week. Who's more mobile?)

Then my MIL tells us that they DO stop by...on their way home from seeing Grandma or when they have to pick up my SIL from the airport when she visits...like that's a big favor to us. They stay overnight at our house so they don't have to make the there-and-back trip in one day.

Or, if they are planning on doing a whole trip to Grandma's in one day, they 'forget' to call until they are 10 minutes away AFTER their visit to stop by.

I don't pick up. I can't be bothered if they can't remember to make plans ahead of time to see their granddaughter. And when I told my MIL that we're able to be more accomodating if she lets me know ahead of time, she got all offended and told me that I was treating her like a stranger.

Whatever.

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  #17  
August 1st, 2006, 10:05 AM
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My in laws see us and Hailey mostly on family holidays (Christmas, Easter, Mother's and Father's Day) because the holidays are all at their house so we go up there (about 1 1/2 hours away.) They tell us at the last minute about family birthday celebrations, so we don't go to those.

Then they complain that they only get to see us when there are too many other people around and that we should come up more often. (My DH has been working 18 hour days lately and we have an infant. My MIL is a travel agent from home who has PLENTY of time to go shopping and to the gym. AND my FIL 'works from home' one day a week. Who's more mobile?)

Then my MIL tells us that they DO stop by...on their way home from seeing Grandma or when they have to pick up my SIL from the airport when she visits...like that's a big favor to us. They stay overnight at our house so they don't have to make the there-and-back trip in one day.

Or, if they are planning on doing a whole trip to Grandma's in one day, they 'forget' to call until they are 10 minutes away AFTER their visit to stop by.

I don't pick up. I can't be bothered if they can't remember to make plans ahead of time to see their granddaughter. And when I told my MIL that we're able to be more accomodating if she lets me know ahead of time, she got all offended and told me that I was treating her like a stranger.

Whatever.

[/b]
Kind of sounds like my inlaws. For the longest time we only went to their house (and it's still pretty much like this) on Holidays. And my inlaws are also famous for telling us at the last minute about stuff they do decide to do or have at their house. That freaking drives me nuts! Absolutely nuts cuz' I'm a huge planner --plan ahead type of person and they definitley are not. When U have a baby you can't just jump at the last second and go someplace, you can do it but it's hard! Plus I have a 13 year old that goes to his Dad's house every other weekend and on holidays (1/2 the day there and 1/2 the day with us) so we have to know what's going on ahead of time. And I do think that it is much easier for those who do not have kids especially small babies to travel to your house rather than vise versa.
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  #18  
August 1st, 2006, 06:25 PM
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Upsetting.

One word, lol.

When we first told her we were pregnant with #1 she had this awful look on her face and said "your going to make me a grandmother?" you can tell she totally disapproved.

When we told her about #2 we told her over the phone and she was like "again???".


FIL is fairly wealthy. He doesnt ask about them. To this day, he says "hows the kid" or "hows the kids" I swear he doesnt know their names off by heart. He went 2 years without seeing them without asking to see pictures or anything, then we met up with him for lunch... and he didnt even give them a dollar or anything from their grampa.

MIL doesnt really care I think. When we lived far away for 2 years she never bothered to come and visit, but yet would go on vacation with her boyfriend elsewhere. She never asked to see pictures. And when we went to visit last, she never even bothered holding the kids unless her friend was over
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