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I am literally so relieved that I found this board because I am so pent up and frustrated about this. My husband doesn't like talking about it because it makes one of us upset because of all the things she has done. I will try to summarize this, but its a long one...
My Dh is 23, I'm 21, and she is 26....when DH and I started dating they were both still living with their parents (well, living with their parents again). The first time I went over there she walked through the living room so I introduced myself and she completely ignored me and told DH that she wasn't interested in meeting his ****** girlfriend. A few weeks later she messaged me on facebook and apologized, and I decided to give her another shot. She talked to me about EVERYTHING. I thought we were really close, and I was really happy about having a good relationship with her and the rest of his family. Well, she has TMJ and was missing a lot of work and going to the dr a lot...her parents had just helped her purchase and remodel her first home. DH and I got an apartment together and she moved into her house, and all was well. In less than a year, she contacted my DH (not married at the time) and said "I need you to move in or I'm going to lose the house." We talked to her and explained that we would move in as soon as our lease is up. She had lost her job due to her absences (she would call in and then go to bars and clubs all weekend and her co-workers got mad about that, I guess.) and at the time I was working as a manager at a boutique and literally working 10am-9pm 7 days a week (owner had health issues) and it was a cash job. I offered to schedule her some hours at the store so she could make some money in the mean time at an easy job---sitting, no lifting, basically getting paid to surf the web and say hi to people as they came in, and ringing up their stuff. She told me she wasn't interested in a retail job. This really kind of offended me, because I went out of my way to help her out and she snuffed me. But oh well.
Her boyfriend (who has his own house) ends up paying her mortgage for a few months until we can move into the house. My DH's working on getting identity theft issues solved so we couldn't purchase the house when we moved in November, but we did organize a contract for deed---well, they did, because again we weren't married yet. We had agreed that we would just pay the mortgage and utilities and she would move in with her boyfriend, but while negotiating the contract for deed she said she needed a $2000 down payment....we agreed. Then she said she expected us to pay an additional $300 ON TOP of the mortgage so that she could "make a profit." The mortgage was already $650/month which was at the top of our budget for "rent." DH was tiffed, but he said "I don't know we'll have to crunch numbers and get back to you.." I said, "well, I know that I cannot afford that, and I dont know if DH wants to pay the difference each month but we are already living at the very top of our budget and I just don't see it working for us." She resorted back to our original plan after much debate between them and their parents. But I guess that was the absolute wrong thing for me to say, because since then all hell has broke loose.
A few weeks later she texted me saying she was pissed off because I had been too bossy lately, and none of the issues with the house were any of my business (even though my DH and I split everything 50/50 financially...) and I needed to stay out of it. This turned into a huge debate and I honestly can't even remember everything that was said, but she told me that she knew I wasn't good for her brother and their parents didn't like me either. Their parents denied this and wanted to have a "family meeting" to sit down with everyone and talk it out.
Fast forward to two weeks before christmas, she starts sending DH text messages saying "I need to talk to you when your girlfriend isn't around." He said, "look I'm not interested in talking about your drama behind her back." She then told him that she and their parents wanted to talk to him because supposedly I had been bad mouthing his parents and that he was "blinded" by me and they thought that he needed to break up with me and move on. (DH's parents are like...angels. Literally, they are the most helpful people I have ever met in my whole life. IDK how they got stuck with a daughter like her, but my point is I have never said anything bad about them, ever...I'm not really close with my family and I had really fallen for his parents too. We spent a lot of time with them. So. Yeah. Anyway.) So, I text her and ask what she is talking about and she says "Nobody talks **** on my parents you stupid B*tch," and said that something I had posted on facebook was about them (it wasnt...not even close...it even made a reference to an STD that the person it was about had...so idk how she thought it was about them, but whatever.) and called me a "lying little b*tch" and said "you're evil, my brother can do so much better than you." and just slews and slews of hurtful and UNTRUE things. She said Dh's mom said she never liked me and his dad was sick of me too. DH confronted them and they were absolutely shocked and said they never had that conversation, ever, and have never said anything negative about me. So........................she completely made up a bunch of BS to try to get my dh (then bf) to break up with me. So, he and I blocked her from our phones and facebook. We did go to the family Christmas thing and though we did not speak to her, I went ahead and gave her the Vera Bradley bags I had bought for her prior to this ordeal just because I felt like I had bought them for her so I might as well give them to her.
I guess in the midst of this, DH had told her to back off because he was planning on proposing Valentines day and she needed to stop being crazy...basically.
Insert a few instances where DH's parents convince him to unblock her and she sends messages threatening to come to the house and taking stuff, and just other misc. crazy stuff. Resulting in DH blocking her again.
Well, at the beginning of January of this year I found out that I was pregnant. Complete surprise. I was graduating with my associates and planned on continuing school for my bachelors in the fall....we were definitely not planning for a baby. So, naturally DH just proposes a couple weeks after that and we get married at the beginning of February. SIL is texting him the day he proposed and complaining about random crap and he says "Can you please leave me alone tonight I just got engaged and I am trying to celebrate." A few days later she texts him and says "When were you going to tell me why you got engaged? Dad told me about the pregnancy." Which truly enraged me......because I have a big hang up about people getting married just because they're having a kid and I had no interest in that and made that clear to DH. Then on our wedding day she texts him and says "Do you want me to respect your wishes and not come to the wedding/ceremony" he says "If you can apologize and be respectful towards our marriage then I'd love for you to come, if not then please do not." She then texts him back saying "Apologize for what?" and then starts telling him he doesn't have to marry me just because I got pregnant, and how can he make a decision like that when his family hates me, and blahblahblah trying to talk him out of marrying me basically...so he blocks her.
My friend ( who is on her friends list ) messages me and tells me this is what his SIL had posted on facebook for ALLLLL Their relatives to see....aunts/uncles/great aunts and uncles/cousins/etc some of which I havent even met yet despite us being together almost 2 years....
"I don't understand why a family would accept someone with open arms into our family just because she now shares our last name (because of an "unplanned" pregnancy-ya right ) even after all the lies, manipulation, and most of all bad mouthing my family and me. They have no clue what she did and who she really is because they never asked me. Do I stay and support my family's decision or jut stay away? The level headed people in my life have told me to stay far far away. It's just an overall sad situation. What is even more complicated is she is living in MY HOUSE (renting) and is now married to my little brother and knocked up because she's a very responsible adult. PATHETIC."
I don't even know where to begin on this status. DH and I did the same thing we'd been doing the 2 years we were together for birth control and we have never had a scare---and as I said before we weren't planning it but of course are so excited now. I never bad mouthed their family, I have talked about the things she has done to people I'm close with but I wouldn't consider that bad mouthing. I never did anything to this woman besides go out of my way to help her...she would call me in the middle of the night all drunkered up about her boyfriend....she always asked me to drive her to dr appts which ended up being a 3 hour drive round trip for me....then as far as I"m concerned we MAJORLY SAVED her a*s on the house because the bank was threatening to take it away until we stepped in. And we are under contract for deed----not renting...
So, DH and I have had zero contact with her since then. She threatened her parents by saying "I wont come to easter if they are there because they wont even talk to me about everything thats happened...so we agree to sit down and talk with her and make it clear that we are all adults and should be able to go to family events so that everyone can enjoy the holiday....she blows us off for a week and then shows up for Easter anyway....and we haven't heard anything from/about her since.
I am just so frustrated with everything. His parents often try to pressure us to make up with her, simply because they want everyone to get along. but DH and I have gone out of our way to help her time and time again and it always ends ugly. I don't feel like she is mentally stable and don't want her or our child around her. Anybody have solutions/resolutions...or...anything? Kudos if you read all that...sorry it was so long!!
Oh my gosh i am so so sorry this woman is nuts. it sounds like she really needs some help. im not really sure what to suggest. but if it were me i would throw a restraining order and injunction against harassment at her. sister in law or not thats unacceptable. and her parents, knowing well how she is acting, shouldnt be supporting in any way in fact they should be more supportive of YOU guys getting a break rather than try to get everyone to get along. please keep us updated. and i look forwar to seeing what others may recommend.
See, I totally would but that's not really an option until we purchase the house. The house is legally still in her name, but the contract for deed is a legal document that says we have put so much down and will purchase the house for x amount in x amount of time....so complicated!!! Haha. She seriously is just a monster. The most frustrating part is she still has a TON of stuff in the house that she hasn't moved out even though we have scheduled WEEKENDS for us, their parents, her, and her boyfriend to help her move it. Everyone shows up besides the two of them, so we just stopped making arrangements. Got sick of clearing our schedules to get blown off!!! But now with the baby on the way its really putting a strain on the nursery preparations. ARG!!
oh my gosh do we have the same SIL?!?! lol. i would seriously cut all ties with this chick because she's frickin' nuts. block cell phone numbers, block social media, emails, everything. and if she keeps on bothering you, tell you (in writing preferably, like a text) that you will notify the police if she won't leave you alone. granted something like that may make the parents not very happy, but you can't keep living like this. once you cut her loose, you'll feel SO much better.