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Putting a strain on marriage


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  #1  
July 30th, 2006, 08:49 AM
*Bry*'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 4,643
This is REALLY beginning to put a strain on our marriage & I'm wondering if anyone else out there feels the same way?
Okay here is the latest:
Hubby's sister came home from Washington, first time she has been home since Jaden has been born (7 months) We knew she was coming home but it was a secrect from their parents. So, she got home Friday. Not one person ever called us. We waited for almost 2 days. Finally last night hubby called his parents' house to see "what was up?" He didn't want to call because what if she wasn't there yet? Because it was all a big surprise. SIL answers the phone (this was 7pm at night) They talk briefly and she wanted us to come over. I already told hubby it was too late to pack up and go over there. Pack up and go --by that mean --anyone with a baby understands that. I'm not getting all ready to go at 7 at night. Hubby and I got into a huge fight over this. He wanted to go and I didn't. He said he was going and taking the baby & I told him he wasn't. It was her bath time and pretty soon bottle time and then bedtime. I am the one who would have to be up all night with her --not him. He got irrate about everything. Well I'm sorry if he was that concerned about seeing his sister then why did he wait all darn day? Yes it was supposed to be a surprise but he could have called and played stupid. Just fishing around to see if his sister was home yet. Anyway I told him that I thought it was rude that nobody called and told him that his sister was home. She got here safe and sound. He said "We aren't their number 1 priority" I said "That's plain to see but for goodness sakes excuse me for thinking that maybe calling your only brother to tell him youre home would be nice not to mention you'd think she would really be excited to see her neice since she has not seen her since the day she was born, I'm sorry yep I thought that would be one of the 1st things she would want to do after being home." He said "She said she slept all day Friday." I said "Nobody else in that house could have called you?" Am I wrong here ladies? Was that not freaking rude? They treat hubby awfully rude and I'm sick of it. We got into a huge argument about this and in the past month we have probably had 4 or 5 huge fights and all of them have been about his parents. I am tired of them playing "pop in and pop out family" and when they finally do decide to call us or give us the time of the day hubby jumps & when I don't he gets mad and we get into a fight. I was not jumping at 7 at night to run over there. Boo hoo on them the next time maybe they can call "us." Well SIL mentioned for us to come over today and I told hubby 1st thing this morning to call them and find out what time and what's what. We are supposed to go for "lunch/dinner." I am not waiting all day again. I'm sick of it. I can gurantee you guys that if hubby would not have called this morning they would not have called us. That's the way they are. The whole day would have went by and nothing OR they would have called at 7 tonight and invited us over after we already eaten. Last weekend or the weekend before I can't remember but we waited all day for the inlaws (I think I might have told U guys this already) and they never came (they told hubby the night before the "might" be over) finally at 7 we left and went for ice cream and we saw them on their motorcycle --they can go for a ride but not come and see their grandchild?! Even after they said they might be over. It's been another month since they have been here. I'm just so fed up and I told hubby it's not that I want him to fight with them but what's wrong with saying little things once and awhile & not letting them "get away" with everything? Like to his sister he could have said "Oh I thought you'd call when U got in?" OR to FIL at work "Saw you on the bike yesterday --we waited all day and you never stopped..?" I mean something could be said! But hubby won't freaking do it and I've had enough. So today we have to go there. And something else I forgot to add in the other thread about them, something they did. MIL had my babyshower...guess where all the left over food went (even food my friends made!) to their house for their daughters "coming home" party. Yep they didn't give me (us) any leftovers whatsoever. In fact I didn't even get any of my own baby shower cake! Everyone I've told that too says that was down right rude!!!!!! Well anyway I'm just wondering if the inlaws issues are weighing down on your marriages and if you guys think I'm nuts here or what?
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  #2  
July 30th, 2006, 05:13 PM
Meegan
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Wow your DH sounds like mine!! When they say jump he says how high, and it drives me NUTS!!! And yes it has taken its toll on our marriage. We almost called off our wedding because of his family trying to control the wedding plans. And when I was 6 months pregnant I actually left him with intentions of divorce, because of his family, once again. I think it will always be an issue, because I am not going to sit back and take their ######, like he does.
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  #3  
July 30th, 2006, 06:45 PM
*Bry*'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Wow your DH sounds like mine!! When they say jump he says how high, and it drives me NUTS!!! And yes it has taken its toll on our marriage. We almost called off our wedding because of his family trying to control the wedding plans. And when I was 6 months pregnant I actually left him with intentions of divorce, because of his family, once again. I think it will always be an issue, because I am not going to sit back and take their ######, like he does.[/b]


~~
Ditto to that !!!!!
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  #4  
July 31st, 2006, 01:01 AM
Chunky Monkey's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Doesn't it seem like when you want to go somewhere they never want to go but as soon as he is ready, you have to jump?
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  #5  
July 31st, 2006, 09:06 AM
*Bry*'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Well yesterday went okay...I hardly spoke to anyone --I have to be like that cuz when I do talk they don't listen anyhow. LOL
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  #7  
August 1st, 2006, 04:16 AM
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I feel ya.

I'm very lucky in that my DH knows how crazy his family can be. He and I have had quite a few 'sit downs' with them to tell them what is acceptable and what's not.

It doesn't do any good, but at least we get everything off our chests.

Before we started the 'sit downs,' we fought about it a lot, mostly because I was holding things in about them and eventually I would explode...and he was always the nearest target.

So I think getting it out really helped both of us.

If your DH won't support you, maybe you could sneak in a little comment here and there when you see them. Like, "Oh, sorry we couldn't come over last night. I wish we would've known ahead of time so that we could've been there." Things like that. Then you're getting everything out and hopefully you'll feel better!

Good luck!
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  #8  
August 1st, 2006, 05:15 AM
*Bry*'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Posts: 4,643
Quote:
I feel ya.

I'm very lucky in that my DH knows how crazy his family can be. He and I have had quite a few 'sit downs' with them to tell them what is acceptable and what's not.

It doesn't do any good, but at least we get everything off our chests.

Before we started the 'sit downs,' we fought about it a lot, mostly because I was holding things in about them and eventually I would explode...and he was always the nearest target.

So I think getting it out really helped both of us.

If your DH won't support you, maybe you could sneak in a little comment here and there when you see them. Like, "Oh, sorry we couldn't come over last night. I wish we would've known ahead of time so that we could've been there." Things like that. Then you're getting everything out and hopefully you'll feel better!
Good luck![/b]
That is exactly what I want hubby to do!!!!!!!! I'm glad U understand!!!! He never says anything!!!!! Thanks!
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