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Am I being selfish?


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  #1  
July 30th, 2006, 09:50 PM
MellieB's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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My MIL has finally started to take interest in the fact that she is soon to be a grandmother. However, now she's going overboard with all the things she wants to do.

She wants to be in the room when I give birth for starters. I do not want this, I don't even want anyone besides DH and my doula at the hospital when I give birth and for at least the first 4 hours I don't want any visitors. I'd rather everyone else wait until correct visiting hours. I want to spend that time with my DH and child. I want time for the three of us to be alone together before we have any visitors.

DH has just informed his mother of this and she has now accused me (yet again) of being selfish and that I should learn to share my child! *** is up with that?? We are also not wanting hospital visits all day everyday that I am there. I'll need my rest and time to bond. DH being their is different, Jassie is his child too and he can be there as much as he wants. My family understand this, only just, but they get it.

After we get home, we are wanting to place, for want of a better word, rules on visitors. There will be no just showing up, people must call first and give a time that they will be here. Not that that will help the IL's much, they are always late. If its not convient for us we will be saying no, and suggesting another time/day.

We also do not want visitors every weekend. DH works with his folks and I have agreed that once I start to express milk, he will take Jassie to work with him one morning a week to give me a break. This is not good enough for MIL. Jassie must be taken there whenever she wants to see her. MIL also wants to take her for walks outside. This I would be fine with but she refuses to do it anywhere except her fancy ###### suburb which is about 40min from us. I will not be letting her drive my child anywhere. She is not a good driver.

DH agrees with everything I want. Most of it was his idea, and yet I am the one who is being accused of being selfish for not "sharing" my child. I didn't know I was having a child so that she could show her off to everyone she know.

Yikes! I didn't mean to ramble so much, but it feels better to get it off my chest.
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  #3  
July 31st, 2006, 12:55 AM
Chunky Monkey's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I do not see this as being selfish at all. You are voiceing what you want and that is good to set up ground rules before the birth.

I wish I would have done that with my first, especially since I had a c-section. It seemed as soon as I was out of recovery, my room was full of 20 people.

Just stick to your guns. it is great your DH is agreeing with you on this!
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  #4  
July 31st, 2006, 06:08 AM
*Bry*'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
My MIL has finally started to take interest in the fact that she is soon to be a grandmother. However, now she's going overboard with all the things she wants to do.

She wants to be in the room when I give birth for starters. I do not want this, I don't even want anyone besides DH and my doula at the hospital when I give birth and for at least the first 4 hours I don't want any visitors. I'd rather everyone else wait until correct visiting hours. I want to spend that time with my DH and child. I want time for the three of us to be alone together before we have any visitors.

DH has just informed his mother of this and she has now accused me (yet again) of being selfish and that I should learn to share my child! *** is up with that?? We are also not wanting hospital visits all day everyday that I am there. I'll need my rest and time to bond. DH being their is different, Jassie is his child too and he can be there as much as he wants. My family understand this, only just, but they get it.

After we get home, we are wanting to place, for want of a better word, rules on visitors. There will be no just showing up, people must call first and give a time that they will be here. Not that that will help the IL's much, they are always late. If its not convient for us we will be saying no, and suggesting another time/day.

We also do not want visitors every weekend. DH works with his folks and I have agreed that once I start to express milk, he will take Jassie to work with him one morning a week to give me a break. This is not good enough for MIL. Jassie must be taken there whenever she wants to see her. MIL also wants to take her for walks outside. This I would be fine with but she refuses to do it anywhere except her fancy ###### suburb which is about 40min from us. I will not be letting her drive my child anywhere. She is not a good driver.

DH agrees with everything I want. Most of it was his idea, and yet I am the one who is being accused of being selfish for not "sharing" my child. I didn't know I was having a child so that she could show her off to everyone she know.

Yikes! I didn't mean to ramble so much, but it feels better to get it off my chest.[/b]
GRRRRRRRRRRR the issue about having the baby is where some crap started with me and my MIL --I mean we never had words or anything but I think it was totally disrespectful of my MIL to flat out ignore our requests. We asked for the same thing--no visitors until after I got out of recovery (I had a C section) and after hubby and I got to spend some time with the baby --just the 3 of us. (we waited almost 7 years for a baby and this was extra special to us!) And hubby told MIL "Ill call you when it would be a good time to come up to the hospital." She said "Don't tell me what to do I'll come up when I want to!" So I specifically made a later time for her to pick up my older son so that would slow her down from getting up there too soon. By all means dear you are not being selfish this is your baby and it's your time. You are the parents not her and she needs to realize that now. Trust me if you don't make her realize that now your going to be in for some troubles in the future with her. Please please please make sure you do what U want to do and what is in your heart and don't worry about her feelings --this is a time to worry about YOU HUSBAND AND BABY nobody else!
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  #5  
July 31st, 2006, 09:02 AM
littleangel's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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No I don't think you are. But...even it youw ere YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO BE!!! I say that no matter what stick to what you and DH want. I know that I let things happen after I had Rebekah as far as my MIL goes and then I kept my mouth shut about sometings that were happening. I am still so very upset that she ruined what was and should have been a very special time for us (me, DH and our older DD and the baby) I regret things so much that for the 4 days or so that they were here all those pictures I have yet to beable to put in her baby book with out getting so mad when I look at them I have to put it up. I would ask DH to make it as clear as he can this is what both of you have decided, and then let her think what she wants. this is your moment, not hers, she had her chance when she had her kids.
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  #6  
July 31st, 2006, 09:04 AM
*Bry*'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
No I don't think you are. But...even it youw ere YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO BE!!! I say that no matter what stick to what you and DH want. I know that I let things happen after I had Rebekah as far as my MIL goes and then I kept my mouth shut about sometings that were happening. I am still so very upset that she ruined what was and should have been a very special time for us (me, DH and our older DD and the baby) I regret things so much that for the 4 days or so that they were here all those pictures I have yet to beable to put in her baby book with out getting so mad when I look at them I have to put it up. I would ask DH to make it as clear as he can this is what both of you have decided, and then let her think what she wants. this is your moment, not hers, she had her chance when she had her kids.[/b]
Ditto!!!
Listen to Christy --I sometimes feel the same way I have kept my mouth shut during times when I should not have..
Don't let your MIL ruin this most very special time of your life! It's one in a million!
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  #8  
July 31st, 2006, 09:51 AM
*Bry*'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Erin you sound a lot like me...I wrote stuff like that in my blog and / or emails I tried to "prevent the problem" before it happened...Like asking that my inlaws (and everyone else) call before they come to visit -and I wish my inlaws would not have came the very next day to visit either, the very next day after I got home from the hospital. I wish I would have written something like you did about visitors too. Anyway hubby thinks that the inlaws have a huge problem with calling before they visit. Which I think I'll post about..LOL
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  #9  
July 31st, 2006, 11:13 AM
MinnesotaMommy
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Put that foot down girl now!!! I don't think your being one bit selfish.
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  #10  
July 31st, 2006, 09:39 PM
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My MIL told me (not asked, but told me) that she was going to be in the room when I delivered my first child.. Like heck she was...... But God smiled down on me.. And I had to have a c section
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