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Can't really talk to dh about my MIL


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  #1  
August 3rd, 2006, 03:12 PM
Tiggy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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He just gets so upset. What I dont understand is... he isnt even that close to her. She screwed him over so much, and others. She drives him crazy after 24 hours of visiting when we drive down there. She puts no effort into seeing us. She usually only calls when she needs something. When DS was 2 months old and hospitalized for several fractures - she never even bothered to drive the 2 hour drive to be with DS or DH. It took her 4 months to come down. She talks crap about me. Its obvious she doesnt like me. She has told FIL and DH's Aunt that she doesnt like me - and dh knows that.
But yet, when I try to talk to dh about her - he gets really mad - for bringing her up, when I ask why he never defends me when she talks crap about me to others. It seriously just makes me cry afterwards.
DS has brittle bone disease, we found out when he was 2 months old when he had several fractures. And you know what MIL had the nerve to tell her friends? That I must have dropped him or hurt him.
*** #$(#*U$(#*&$. With brittle bone disease - just coughing can make you have fractures on a bad day.
I highly doubt she has even told her friends that our son has this condition - just to make me look like an awful mother.

I asked dh for over 2 years now to ask her why she does this. He always says "oh well Ill talk to her soon" or "I dont think she says that stuff".. the last time he said anything was a few weeks ago saying that when we go visit he'd talk to her in person since he can tell if she's lying in person.... and he didnt even bring it up.
And I didnt even want to remind him either just before we left the car to see her - or I know he'd get upset and accuse me of trying to pick a fight by bringing the subject up again. But yet, he doesnt even bring it up.

Im so upset. I know he doesnt get along with her, and he's upset with her about several things in the past - but I just do not understand why in the world he wont confront her.

Sorry, I dunno if this is just a vent. But its something that just really really upsets me
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  #2  
August 3rd, 2006, 03:42 PM
*Bry*'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
He just gets so upset. What I dont understand is... he isnt even that close to her. She screwed him over so much, and others. She drives him crazy after 24 hours of visiting when we drive down there. She puts no effort into seeing us. She usually only calls when she needs something. When DS was 2 months old and hospitalized for several fractures - she never even bothered to drive the 2 hour drive to be with DS or DH. It took her 4 months to come down. She talks crap about me. Its obvious she doesnt like me. She has told FIL and DH's Aunt that she doesnt like me - and dh knows that.
But yet, when I try to talk to dh about her - he gets really mad - for bringing her up, when I ask why he never defends me when she talks crap about me to others. It seriously just makes me cry afterwards.
DS has brittle bone disease, we found out when he was 2 months old when he had several fractures. And you know what MIL had the nerve to tell her friends? That I must have dropped him or hurt him.
*** #$(#*U$(#*&$. With brittle bone disease - just coughing can make you have fractures on a bad day.
I highly doubt she has even told her friends that our son has this condition - just to make me look like an awful mother.

I asked dh for over 2 years now to ask her why she does this. He always says "oh well Ill talk to her soon" or "I dont think she says that stuff".. the last time he said anything was a few weeks ago saying that when we go visit he'd talk to her in person since he can tell if she's lying in person.... and he didnt even bring it up.
And I didnt even want to remind him either just before we left the car to see her - or I know he'd get upset and accuse me of trying to pick a fight by bringing the subject up again. But yet, he doesnt even bring it up.

Im so upset. I know he doesnt get along with her, and he's upset with her about several things in the past - but I just do not understand why in the world he wont confront her.

Sorry, I dunno if this is just a vent. But its something that just really really upsets me[/b]
Hey vent anytime that's what we are all here for.........
My MIL usually only calls when she needs something or wants her "baby fix" and then she is good for another month
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  #3  
August 3rd, 2006, 04:21 PM
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Aww I am so sorry to hear about your DS having brittle bone disease.

None of my children suffer from anything like that but my youngest is developmentally delayed and my IL's play the blame game, saying his delays are all my fault, blah blah blah. She does not take into account my DH and his brothers (the twins) were also developmentally delayed. The doctors are thinking autism but very hesitant to diagnose him. My MIL went on the Internet and found something about how it is ALL enviromental and the only solution is to go 100% organic. We are not poor people but we are not rich either. So I counter-acted it and went to the developmental pediatrician and got some literature for them to better understand what is going on. I suggest you do the same because she is going to continue to blame you for something you obviously have NO control over. And the next time you see any of these friends of hers, just politely tell them about your son's condition.

I wish you the best of luck with this!
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  #4  
August 3rd, 2006, 04:49 PM
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((HUGS)) Im so sorry your DH is like that.. I am soooo sorry to hear about your DS. I cant believe that your MIL would say something like that and your DH not smacking her in the face just for even thinking that. Thats not right. You have every reason to be upset and he needs to open his eyes and see what his mother is really like and stick up for the woman he loves and the mother of his children... ((HUGS))
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  #5  
August 4th, 2006, 07:40 AM
appifanie's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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sorry about dS!!

Quote:
He just gets so upset. What I dont understand is... he isnt even that close to her. She screwed him over so much, and others. She drives him crazy after 24 hours of visiting when we drive down there. She puts no effort into seeing us. She usually only calls when she needs something.[/b]
and this part sounds like my DH and MIL. except i can get away w/ saying most stuff about his mom. BUT . . . his dad hates me more and is meaner to me and i can't say ANYTHING about him.
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  #6  
August 4th, 2006, 07:48 AM
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I'm so sorry about your son.

I'm also sorry about your MIL.

I think getting literature and giving (or mailing!) it to her is a terrific idea. It may not do any good, but at least you've tried everything.

I think that the hardest thing for most of us who are venting on this board is that we would like a better relationship with our ILs, but they make it impossible.

Grrr...
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  #7  
August 4th, 2006, 08:07 AM
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Thanks ladies! DS is doing wonderfully - as they grow - it kinda fades - for the type he has (type 1).

DH has already spoken to her once only giving her info on the brittle bone disease. She knows a lot about it. But what Im 110% convinced of, is she is just using that as an excuse to talk crap about me, and not mention the brittle bone stuff to her friends, purposely. Tonight I am going to ask dh if he spoke to his moms friend's husband when we drove down there last - which I know he didn't. It will probably start an arguement since I "brought it up" but hey - if he cant follow thru with his promise of finding out - then I dont really care. Well, ok, I do kinda care lol... I hate it when dh and I argue, 75 % of the time it just has to do with mil
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  #8  
August 8th, 2006, 12:39 PM
JOYTOTHEWORLD's Avatar Super Mommy
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Don't even bother talking to him about his mother. My own mother warned me when I first got married -"remember she will always be his mother" so basically don't bash her to his face. If you hubby is like mine, he already know's his mother is an a--hole! LOL. I usually vent about her to my girlfriends, co-workers and my own Mom.
Now thank GOD for his new forum, now we can vent to one another!!!!
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  #9  
August 8th, 2006, 12:48 PM
*Bry*'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Don't even bother talking to him about his mother. My own mother warned me when I first got married -"remember she will always be his mother" so basically don't bash her to his face. If you hubby is like mine, he already know's his mother is an a--hole! LOL. I usually vent about her to my girlfriends, co-workers and my own Mom.
Now thank GOD for his new forum, now we can vent to one another!!!![/b]
DITTO!!!!!
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  #10  
August 10th, 2006, 08:43 AM
mommyinky's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
He just gets so upset. What I dont understand is... he isnt even that close to her. She screwed him over so much, and others.
She talks crap about me. Its obvious she doesnt like me. She has told FIL and DH's Aunt that she doesnt like me - and dh knows that.
But yet, when I try to talk to dh about her - he gets really mad - for bringing her up, when I ask why he never defends me when she talks crap about me to others. It seriously just makes me cry afterwards.

I asked dh for over 2 years now to ask her why she does this. He always says "oh well Ill talk to her soon" or "I dont think she says that stuff".. the last time he said anything was a few weeks ago saying that when we go visit he'd talk to her in person since he can tell if she's lying in person.... and he didnt even bring it up.
And I didnt even want to remind him either just before we left the car to see her - or I know he'd get upset and accuse me of trying to pick a fight by bringing the subject up again. But yet, he doesnt even bring it up.

Im so upset. I know he doesnt get along with her, and he's upset with her about several things in the past - but I just do not understand why in the world he wont confront her.[/b]

WOW! It could have been me that wrote that! I just don't get it either. I've learned to not bring her up and act like I don't care. It seems like when she knows she's getting under my skin, she acts like she really wants to see our son. When she knows I couldn't care less, she'll disappear for a few months and I don't have to put up with her. Her big thing though is that she likes to play the "Poor little Me" act and act like it's all my fault.
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  #11  
August 10th, 2006, 08:46 AM
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Quote:
WOW! It could have been me that wrote that! I just don't get it either. I've learned to not bring her up and act like I don't care. It seems like when she knows she's getting under my skin, she acts like she really wants to see our son. When she knows I couldn't care less, she'll disappear for a few months and I don't have to put up with her. Her big thing though is that she likes to play the "Poor little Me" act and act like it's all my fault.[/b]
It could've been ME that wrote THAT! Especially about the "Poor Little Me" routine. It's so irritating...I'm learning to just ignore it and not care what she thinks of me!

Funny how we all have similar problems...
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  #13  
August 12th, 2006, 11:14 AM
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It really doesnt make sense though......... they say to marry someone who treats their mother well and they will treat you well too - but that is a bunch of crap - they just get mad at you for bringing up anything about their precious parents!
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  #14  
August 12th, 2006, 01:51 PM
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I feel you hun....robert gets mad when I bring her up at all. He just tells me that she is "stuborn and never going to change so get use to it". Well I'm a B**** and she better get used to it, cause I will NOT take her crap anymore!!! Expecially now that I'm having her first grandchild. She even talks about me to Robert's little sister, and she is 13. (Robert is 25). Come on, how can you bring a little girl into this drama!! She's got a stick the size of Texas up her A**!!! Sorry but she has just been getting me sooo mad lately. Even to the point where she wants to move the date of my baby shower, which is in 2 weeks!!!! She didn't even help plan it, so she can get over it. Ug, the lady gets me heated.
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