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if you know me, or have ready ANYTHING i've posted on here, you know SIL and i don't get along.
there is a longer version of that story posted somewhere in here, but the short version is i was planning when we were going to have our third child and i know SIL would be wanting their third one at some point. we were on good terms so i asked her when they were thinking and she said sometime after december (this was in august) which was perfect for us. i figured we would get pregnant sometime in sept/oct, and there would be a few month difference in the birthdays because i DID NOT want to have kids at the same time.
well she decided they didn't want to wait anymore and instead of having the decency to just say "hey we changed our mind", they went and got pregnant. we also got pregnant. our due dates were five frickin' days apart. i was so angry with her that she didn't respect me at all and just said that them changing their minds was none of my business but we were on good terms and talking all the time. she was always emailing me or texting me breastfeeding questions for her other baby. so inquries about her boobs were my biz but not that they changed their minds. there were a couple of other things that happened in between there that made the situation go from bad to worse, so we haven't really talked in almost a year. but at family functions we went. we didn't really talk but it wasn't like awkward tension or anything (at least that i thought). if she asked me a question i would just briefly answer it. i figure i didn't want to ruin other people's holidays with my anger.
two weeks ago i went into labor. when we got to the hospital we found out the baby's heart had stopped beating and he was delivered stillborn. DH and i were devistated. SIL was still pregnant and when we got out of the hospital, we were going to get the kids from my in laws but when i found out she was there, i didn't want to see her. the day before the funeral, she was induced and gave birth to a boy. i was so angry at the world because while she got to keep her baby, i had to bury mine. DH and MIL told her if she was trying to come to the funeral, that it wouldn't be a good idea for her to bring the baby. it's not appropriate to bring your newborn baby to show off at the funeral of another newborn baby. they also said it wasn't a good idea for her husband to go to the funeral either. he's a D-bag (he always has been) and i def did not want to see either of them because i didn't want to hear him talking about the new baby.
since then SIL keeps texting DH saying she felt so bad about not coming to the funeral (but i didn't want her there to begin with) and she wanted to see us and visit. i told DH that i never want to see her or her husband again. that i didn't want to see them in their happy lives when ours were falling apart. this past weekend was a cousin's grad party and i chose not to go because i didn't want to see the new baby. DH went but he said he couldn't bring himself to go over and see the baby either.
her daughter has a birthday in a few weeks and i'm so conflicted because we want to see the daughter, don't want to see SIL or the new baby. and this christmas there will be three new babies, two boys and a girl, and i told DH i don't want to go to that either. i swear if SIL was in front of my i would probably sock her right in the nose.
I think you know what you can handle and what you can't. If you can't make it to family functions ( I know I wouldn't be able to either) then don't go. This you need to grieve and it isn't going to just take a few weeks.
You poor darling. I am so sorry for your loss. You must be going through so much. As a grieving Mother, people should be understanding. You lost your little baby and people should be respecting your wishes. I hope that you find peace and highly recommend finding a good grief counsellor. Bless you.
I'm so sorry for your loss. It sounds like an incredibly difficult situation.
I have 2 SILs. I have a great relationship with one, but the other one and I are merely civil to each other. I don't think she's interested in having a relationship with me, and I've gotten to the point where I've just stopped caring about getting to know her.
For example, the SIL that I am close with sent me really nice sympathy messages when I had my miscarriages, but the other SIL couldn't be bothered. This pregnancy is going well, and I sent the good SIL a sonogram picture. My MIL asked me to send her other daughter the picture, but I just ignored the request. I know my other SIL could care less about the pregnancy, so I'm not going to go out of my way to share any good news with her. If my MIL wants her to see the sonogram picture, SHE can send it to her.