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My IL's urk me badly lately. I limit my contact with them because they urk me. Dh has MS. He currently is unable to work. Dh has many physical limitations. I do my best to deal with that. I do what I can for dh but still let him be as independant as possible within his disabilities. My IL's think I don't do enough for dh. They act like I can't care for him properly. One sil. Sue. She gets really snotty with me lately. I don't have to be doing anything in particular. She will yell go get your dh some food or a drink. I tell her he wants something. He'll ask for it and I'll get it. Or one day we went to mil's for some get together. Dh was coming in the front door. Our 17yr old son was behind dad making sure he got in ok. I came in the back door so I could put some food in the kitchen I brought for dinner. I go into the living room. See 2 neices pairs of shoes in the walk way. I move forward to go move them out of the walk way so dh would not fall over them getting to a seat. Sue yells loudly. Get out of the way dh is coming in. Yeah well do you want him to fall over them shoes. I backed off leaving the shoes where they were. Finally she gets up to move them as dh was coming through the door. Then another time I'm up gettting some dinner. Sue says what about your dh. I rudely say back. This is his plate. The rest of the family except for sil Elaine who is a nurse. They all act like I don't do enough for dh. It angers me. Sil Elaine understands. She deals with the sick on a daily basis at the hospital. So she knows what it's like to let someone be as independant as possible within the limits of their illness or disability. That it's ok to allow them to do some things for themselves. I know the IL's talk behind my back about how I care for dh. And that dh could be doing more for his MS. At this point dh is doing whatever his doctor says he should. Other things the IL's say or do bother me also. They think I don't know how to raise our son. Well compared to their kids. Our son is doing pretty good. Not always the best behaved for us. But he's not as bad as sil Debbi's kids who are all also teens. Then sil debbi makes rude remarks of food I cook. Well one holiday I made a bowl of waldorf salad. Well I had a mess of apples at home. She says well no one here will eat waldorf salad. Well excuse me. How am I to know that. I felt like it's a potluck supper so I had to make something. Or I made this salsa recipe. It was called Texas Caviar. Of course on sil thought there was caviar in it. I said no. That is for the black eyed pea's. It's just a name they gave the recipe as it is a texas recipe. If I don't have to be at a IL function. I just don't go. Like I skipped the 4th of July. Well dh and I seen them on the weekend just before the 4th. So the 4th I worked actually. Then told dh I was just going home afterwards since I had the early shift the next day. I let dh and our son go again.
I wouldn't be very happy either... I can definitely see where you are coming from! Maybe it would be beneficial for you to write them each a letter expressing how you feel? If you write a letter, you can always edit it or change it around before you deliver it to them so that you can be confident that its exactly what you want to say. Also, letters are good because you won't end up saying something out of anger that you later regret. Of course, some things won't work for some people and it's just an idea. Good luck! and I hope that they let up a little, for your sake!