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I'm not quite sure how to handle this but I do NOT want my dd calling my step FIL grandpa. He is an abusive,drunk,drug addict! My mil has been married 5 times and always to the same kind of man and in the end she always cheats and finds a "new man". Granted she has been with him for longer than any other husband (10 years now) I am just not comfotable around him and for sure not comfortable with my dd around him. He IS NOT a good person. Whenever we have a family get together she pushes for fil to play or show affection towards my dd and it makes me want to throw up! I don't want my dd growing up and thinking that a man like this is her grandfather. Is that wrong of me? Am I just being selfish? DD is so very, very close to my father and I can honestly say that my father is one of the most caring,loving and generous people that I have ever known in my entire life. My MIL is very jelouse (sorry spelling) of thier relationship. I know I can't very well tell my daughter not to call him grandpa, can I? Let me just add that this man has gone as far as pulling a gun out and threatning mil with it.
Wow! That is a horrible situation to be in! My Dad's gf is no better, she's an abusive crackhead (literally) with an alcohol problem to boot, and we are having the same situation right now only we can stop it before it happens (since our daughter won't be born until May). I can't offer you much advice on this one, but I hope some of the other ladies can. I completely understand why you wouldn't want your daughter to be around him!! Good luck in whatever choice you make hun!
Well, as for what she calls him ... no, she doesn't have to call him grandpa. Have her call him Pop-Pop or something like that. It sounds NOTHING like "grandpa" and you can be clear later that you don't consider him her grandfather, just her grandma's husband.
I don't know that I would let him be around her at all though. Just my 2 cents.