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We moved far away from MIL last month, and I don't miss her that much. She only ever calls if she needs money or a favor, never to ask her DS how he is. Everyone had to go to her house to see her and do anything, and if you didn't she'd complain. It got worse after my DS was born, she offered to help and babysit him. When he was 4 days old she called and said she wanted to see "her baby" and I said sure, I could use help with the laundry too. "Oh my car isn't working that well and I just don't feel like driving that far, I have a headache. Could you come by here with "my baby"?" She lived 10 minutes away. I told her no, I didn't feel like going anywhere and she complains that I'm trying to keep my baby from her. If she did babysit him, it was at her place and she called as soon as he started crying so I could pick him up. She would then tell me that I must be doing something wrong, because he was the fussiest baby and maybe it was because I was a first time mom. She had had 4 kids and knew what she was doing. Yea, doing dope and passing out earns you the mother of the year award I wanted to tell her.
So my DS hardly saw his grandma, because I didn't feel like I should have to go to her place all the time. She napped most of his visits anyway. She only came to our place twice in the 2 years we lived by her. Once to pick up DH"s DD, that was 5 minutes. And once so we could go mail packages together, then she said she didn't have the money and could she borrow like $300 to mail them and for her car. I barely had enough to mail my own Christmas packages at the time and I told her that, so she didn't go with me.
Finally she asked to use my car because she couldn't drive stick shift (she'd told me the day before she drove one for years, but hated them and thought automatics were easier). So DH switched my car with her boyfriends which was stick. The real reason was because my car had ac and his didn't. She'd complained about having to drive it before because it got so hot! So here I am with my baby and pregnant with twins driving around in a hot car and he's fussing because he's all hot and sweaty. Then our car stopped working for her, she has a bad luck with cars like I've never seen. We had to replace the starter. Meanwhile her boyfriends car lost it's side mirror, it just fell out when I closed the door and broke. We had to pay that they told us because it happened when we were driving. Doesn't that mean that they should have taken care of the starter because it happened while she was driving my car?
If I did visit, I'd go without calling first. Cause if I did she'd want groceries, gas money, money, cigs, some coffee. And never offer to pay me back. She borrowed over $400 from us and never paid it back, but would scream at DH if he borrowed $20 for diapers and wipes as soon as payday came around. Give me some time to cash his check at the bank lady.
Now she is crying because she wants to see her grandson, "her baby" and my two new preemie twins. She gets her big check at the end of the month but wants to come now, she'll pay us back. Look lady, I have to rent the breast pump, and the twins will be in NICU for awhile. I wouldn't mind lending her the money even if we never saw it, if I could count on her to watch my older baby while I visit his brothers. But I know she'll lay on the couch the whole time, complaining of her head hurting and wanting me to run up the street for cigs. Even though our place has a strict no smoking on the premises rule.
My mom would have done anything to live so close to her grandson and see him everyday. Her and my dad would have been there as soon as I brought him home from the hospital. Helping with housework and my dad cooking my favorites. They would never have expected me to drive to their house 100% of the time, they would have expected me to drive there when I could. They don't complain about the picture gifts I give the, MIL does. And they are forever sending little things for my babies, even a t-shirt means a lot if they picked it out. MIL hardly got DS anything.
I wish she could change, but she never will. I wouldn't have minded her being more involved or stopping by more, it would have showed she was thinking of her grandson more than how she acted. Her selfishness makes me sad for my babies and for her babies, even though they're grown.
Hugs! My MIL is very selfish too. She wastes most of the time she has with my DS and is always complaining she doesn't get to see him enough because they live so far away (Thank goodness!) I totally sympathize with you. She will probably never change but at least you can vent about it here! That's helped me tons!