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  #1  
February 16th, 2008, 11:12 PM
~*Mandy*~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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If your MIL wanted to come up a whole week 24/7 after your kiddo was born, WWYD or say?

How would you survive, or would you love the company?
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  #2  
February 17th, 2008, 08:53 AM
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I wouldn't let her, no way, no how! She is a chainsmoker and that smell gets everywhere!!! Even if she would smoke outside, the smoke is still all over her. Plus, I hate her. That would get in the way too. So, um, that's a no from me. I would probablt get my husband to tell her though, his mom, his problem.
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  #3  
February 17th, 2008, 12:35 PM
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I would not be impressed and I don't know what I'd say... I'd probably say something right at 38 or 39 weeks like "I'm so glad our families understand that we need a little break after the baby is born before people come to stay over" to make it sound like I had no idea she was planning to come. I might add "My girlfriend's mother in law came and stayed for a week after her baby was born and it was just awful! She was just not ready for company, I don't know if anybody would be right after she had a baby!" Something like that to make it clear that you hate the idea, without saying directly that you don't want her there.

My MIL would never do that, though, since she drinks herself into oblivion every night and wants to do that at her house so she can pass out in her own bathroom. She does have SOME couth - she's never passed out in my bathroom, for example.
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  #4  
February 17th, 2008, 05:28 PM
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Well, 24-7...thats my life She lives upstairs!

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  #5  
February 18th, 2008, 06:43 PM
SamuelsMommy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Depends on whether she's actually going to be any help. If she was going to cook and clean then it wouldn't be so bad. In my case, she wouldn't be so I'd be like "No way!" Although they did come for almost a week when he was 12 days old. He's their first grandchild and they live all the way across the country so it's not like they can stop by for a few hours so I had no choice but to put up with it.
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  #6  
February 18th, 2008, 07:14 PM
~*Mandy*~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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My MIL had made a comment sometime during the middle of my pregnancy that she'd like to come for a week after the baby was born and help out if we needed it. I took it as comming by the first week here and there and helping us out. Hour visits I CAN deal with. Now I find out she's planning to bring an air mattress and spend the night and be here 24/7. I'd be OK with that the first night or two but come on we have 2 bedrooms (ours and the babies) and the living room. The baby will be in our room but I'll still need to get into her room in the middle of the night and our glider is in the living room. I'd feel more like I have to entertain MIL than she'd be helping.

I can just hear the million questions now -- what do you want to eat, how do you want me to cook it, hweres the pans, wheres this, how do you do that, can you help me, ect. She thought she'd be comming tow ake up with the baby in the middle of the night so I could get some rest. Let's just say that was adressed right away. She only lives an hour away but its too much driving for her to do to drive back and forth. I just don't know what to do or say. Her heart IS in the right place, but I just don't want to feel like a prisoner in my own house KWIM?

If we had a spare bedroom it wouldn't be SO bad, but still not ideal. She is a very emotionally unstable person, and will cry at the drop of a hat. I don't want to hurt her feelings but at the same time, I want to beable to feel at home in MY house. KWIM?
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  #7  
February 18th, 2008, 09:26 PM
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You have every right to be away from EVERYONE and bond with your baby.. plus you're obviously going to be in pain, and let's face it.. who wants to keep up a friendly forced face when they just want to be alone? I like Jilly's idea here.. good way to express it without coming across as rude.

whew.. I would go CRAZY if my MIL had done that.. my dh mentioned it once and I said a big resounding "hell no".
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  #8  
February 19th, 2008, 01:01 PM
SamuelsMommy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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If you don't want her there then you shouldn't have to put up with it, especially since she lives close enough to drive back and forth. Can you talk to your DH and get him to tell her thanks but no thanks to spending the night? It's not like you're telling her she can't come at all. Like I said, I didn't have a choice, they weren't going to fly across the country to visit for a couple hours and I couldn't tell them they couldn't see their first grandchild for a couple months. I hope that she sees that you appreciate her offer but the best way to help is to let you tell her what is helpful. Good luck! Let us know how it turns out!
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  #9  
February 19th, 2008, 08:33 PM
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No freaking way! My MIL is more a hindrance than a help.
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  #10  
February 19th, 2008, 08:55 PM
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mine came to visit..all she did was take care of my dh...which left me with our daughter...
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  #11  
February 22nd, 2008, 04:39 AM
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I would say no. I don't even want my own mother in my face 24/7.
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  #12  
February 25th, 2008, 02:42 PM
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HELL NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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  #13  
February 25th, 2008, 03:54 PM
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my mil came and stayed for a week after nathan was born but that was so shw could wach nick while i spent time at the nicu
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  #15  
February 29th, 2008, 02:35 PM
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I would say no, but then it would be a stretch having ANYONE stay a week with me after the baby was born. I'd want that time for myself to bond with the baby.
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  #16  
March 2nd, 2008, 06:09 PM
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She would not be allowed. Simple as that. She lives 2 blocks down and hasnt come at all during my pregnancy, through all my complications, so she definately would NOT be allowed to come after the baby was born. I wouldnt allow it. I have my own Mom for that who has been to countless DR appointments, and hospital visits, and home visits though she lives over an hour away. This woman lives less than a minute away and doesnt bother.
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  #17  
March 3rd, 2008, 04:00 AM
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I was with my ex for three years... When we first got our foster son (six weeks old at the time, had him for over six months), I'll admit it... I needed HELP! My ex worked on the road and was gone quite a bit, and the baby cried and cried because of really bad reflux. She came up for about a week and a half, and it turned out to be total bliss. She helped without being in the way, was there but wasn't pushy, and in general gave me someone to talk to and ask advice from (as I'd never ask my mother). I didn't mind it at all.

When I get into another LTR, I pray for another one like her!
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  #18  
March 13th, 2008, 09:03 PM
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Well, since I don't have a relationship with my own mother, my MIL is all I got. She will be traveling 2500 miles to be with her first grandchild and staying for a month. She has stated that she has looked for a hotel and has told me that she would rather stay at a hotel than with us but she didn't realize that staying at a hotel for a month would cost more than she can afford. I tried to tell her but she is insisting. I would love her company, I have already stated my boundaries from living with her before. And having my DH back me up also helps.
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  #19  
March 14th, 2008, 07:57 AM
SamuelsMommy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I'm glad that your MIL is so helpful and doesn't want to impose on you! I hope you can convince her to stay with you instead of spending all that money!
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  #20  
March 15th, 2008, 08:15 AM
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EEEKKK!!!! No Way! No How!!

Nope, my MIL would never offer, nor be welcome to stay with us. She would be no help, and I'd prolly wind up killing her. Putting up with her here and there is hard enough.
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