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Making a difference in the grandkids-LONG


Forum: Inlaws

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  #1  
March 19th, 2008, 11:43 AM
mom2nate
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My husband's mother has always made a difference in our son and her beloved granddaughters. To start off, when she found out I was pregnant she was not happy...then when she found out we were having a boy she was really not happy. The family's excuse is well she had 3 boys of her own can you blame her for wanting girls? To me this is ridiculous but then again I am somewhat of a normal person. We had the ultrasound videotaped and we took it to her house to let her and her husband watch it and she would not watch it....kept getting up and keeping herself "busy". Now keep in mind it's not just about her buying things for him...that's not what really bothers me. When she came to visit him for the first time at home she went shopping while visiting and bought 2 gifts to take back to "her girls" but came back with nothing for Nathan. It really ticked me off. Not only did she barely want to hold him but she spent her time while visiting us/her new grandson to buy stuff for "her girls". Then we lived 3 1/2 hours away, in another state (boy do I miss that!) and that was her excuse for not visiting. Now, we live 1 1/2 hours away and they have visited once (not that I'm complaining about that!). She was a little bit better during this visit but she still made it a point to rave about "her girls". At Nathan's 1st birthday party she had nothing to do with him...absolutely nothing but at least she came. My husband's 2 brother's and their wives decided they didn't want to. At the party all MIL did was talk to my brother's girlfriend about her granddaughters. FIL has a girl that he claims as his own daughter from his 2nd marriage...MIL hated her guts...I mean could not stand to even talk about this girl...then she gets pregnant....WITH A GIRL...and she is the best person in the world...and the baby...well baby Ally is just one of the granddaughters. Even this baby gets treated like a grandkid and my little boy gets treated like the red headed step child. This really upsets me and my husband. I feel bad for my husband because he says "this is my mother and she wants nothing to do with my son". Just a few weeks ago Nathan and his dad were playing on the bed and he jumped off the side and hit his head on a window sill...hard...so we rushed him to the er. My husband called his mother and told her, why I don't know. Know what she did? Yep, talked about the oldest granddaughter falling off her bed last weekend! Do you think she called later to check on Nate to see how he was doing? Nope, she sure didn't. It was the last straw with me and my husband. She uses the distance as an excuse but it really can't be used as an excuse to not picking up the phone and taking 2 minutes to call to check on her grandson. So it had been like 2 going on 3 weeks since she had called my husband and she finally called one Sunday and told him "well it's been a while since I've called but I have my tv programs that I like to watch at night". I was p*ssed. I was like so basically watching tv is more important that checking on her grandson. I am so done with this woman. Her and I have had a talk and I thought had hashed out all our problems. She told me that she loves Nathan and blah blah blah. I feel like a fool because I believed every word that came out of her mouth. So after all this griping, my question is how do you deal with your child being treated differently than the other grandchildren? Is it time to cut the strings? I don't want to be that mother who keeps her kid away from the grandparents. I want my son to see how they treat him and let him make that decision when he gets older but I also don't want to see him get hurt by them.

Sorry this was so long!
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  #2  
March 19th, 2008, 12:18 PM
SamuelsMommy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Indiana
Posts: 16,541
Hi welcome to the board! I'm Stephanne, one of the co-hosts of the Inlaws board.

Wow! That's a really hard one. Sometimes I feel like my MIL cared more about her nieces and their children than she does about her own grandchild (she visits there more and talks about them all the time). But I also know that her mom lives with them and her health is bad so maybe that's why she goes there more. Not that I want her to visit more, it just seems strange to me. I really don't have any advice to give, since my son is the first grandchild on my DH's side and the 3rd on my side but my niece an nephew are 11 and 8 so you can't realy compare, she mooned over them as babies too. Right now your son is too young to understand which is a blessing. Your DH is obviously aware of the situation and it bothers him too so I would follow his lead since it's his mom. The thing will be when your son is old enough to understand and gets his feelings hurt. That's when I would do everything in my power to protect him even if it means never speaking to her again because no one hurts my child. Right now you are hurt on his behalf, and what she is doing is wrong, but it's not hurting him, KWIM? Eventually you may have to lay it out for her, either she treats all the grandchildren the same or she is cut off for his protection. Hugs! Sorry you are dealing with all this!
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