[Erin.minus.thyroid]

I waited a long time to start TTC. I read so many books about thyroid disease and how it can cause infertility and miscarriages/stillbirth. I was terrified to try. At first I was hyper and was told not to get pg while on PTU because of the birth defects. My son was still pretty young so I just waited. After my surgery I was told I would be all better with my "magic pill". Nope that didnt happen. So I waited.

The books said that all these problems with pregnancy were with untreated thyroid problems. Well, mine were treated but it wasnt stable by any means. I waited and I tried everything I could think of. I tried different dosages of synthyroid, nope didnt help. I switched docs to one that tried different treatments. Added cytomel...made it worse. Added supplements...made it a little better. Found out i had adrenal disease from my years with the crappy doc that would only give me synthyroid. Added more supplements. Waited and waited. Finally convinced the doc to let me try Erfa thyroid from Canada along with my adrenal supplements and WOW...its a miracle I started feeling better in a few WEEKS. Why didnt they give me this stuff 3 yrs ago??? So I continue to wait for it to fully stabilize my levels. After about 6 months I was where I should be and I was stable.

FINALLY its time to start TTC. So I start taking my prenatals. Add some extra exercise to try and lose a few pounds (nope that didnt really work either). Then we start TTC and I got pg the 2nd cycle. I was thrilled because I was worried about the whole infertility thing that goes with hypothyroidism. Yay things are looking up. As soon as I get my BFP I call the doc and they get me in for thyroid bloodwork (as i have no thyroid gland). I get the bloodwork back and everything looks great. My TSH was only slightly elevated which normally happens in the first trimester. My doc tells me to add half a pill of Erfa a day.

My first pg i had hyperemesis (most likely due to hyperthyroidism that they didnt diagnose) i was sick as dog until the day he was born starting before i even got my BFP. So here I am with my positive test, feeling a little nauseous and thinking....hey maybe im getting lucky this time and i wont have the hyperemesis. Like maybe some sort of reward for the crappy first pregnancy and the 4yrs of waiting to get pg again. Then I think wait i shouldnt jinx myself by saying im happy im not puking yet because maybe next week i'll be puking morning, noon and night like last time. Never entering my mind was that one little word that shows up so commonly in thyroid pregnancy sections....

WHAM! Just like that Im spotting and Im miscarrying. I totally wasnt expecting that. Somehow I thought that the problem would be getting pregnant, not staying pregnant. I thought...hey, i waited 4yrs. I did exactly what I was supposed to do. It was killing me all that time. I cried myself to sleep for the last 2 yrs most nights. I tried EVERYTHING possible to get those levels where they should be. I waited so that I wouldnt have a miscarriage and still it happened. For years I wished that I would just accidentally get pg so that I wouldnt feel guilty if something happened but i would still have the chance to have another child. But still I did everything possible to prevent it because I didnt want to chance it. I didnt want to say that it was my own fault that I had a miscarriage because I should have waited for my levels to be stable. Well here I am...doesnt really matter that my levels were stable...doesnt really matter that i did everything i was supposed to...im still without a baby.

Now Im afraid to try again because what if its worse next time. What if I end up further along? This time i was only 6wks and there was nothing more than clots that passed. What if there was a stillborn child next time? At the same time Im terrified to not try because I dont want to live my life crying myself to sleep because the last step in my life of motherhood was a miscarriage. So im not trying and im not preventing and I keep praying "please only let me get pregnant if the baby will be healthy and born alive"

Im sorry for the long story. Im sorry if this scares someone here who isnt scared yet. I dont want to make anyone else scared to TTC when they have a thyroid disorder, but I wish I wasnt so shocked when it happened to me. I assume others in this section have had miscarriages as well since it seems very common with thyroid disorders. I dont know, its just been such a long crappy journey since i was diagnosed with a thyroid disorder and I thought others here might understand. This disease just beats you down and then when you think you are maybe pulling yourself back up it stomps on your heart.

[daisyduck]

I just read through your whole post - I'm sorry I haven't responded before now....been taking a break from the board for quite awhile. I'm kinda shocked that there are so many views, and nobody responded?

I'm so sorry to hear about your story. I can "hear" the frustration and discouragement in your post, and I'm truly sorry for your loss. I don't have a lot of experience with thyroid disease before/during pregnancy, since mine developed after my last pregnancy. The only example I know IRL is my sister-in-law had a healthy pregnancy/healthy baby AFTER being diagnosed with hypothyroidism. She was not actively TTC-ing, but she was also not being super careful. I was surprised when she announced her pregnancy, because just a few weeks before, she had implied that her levels were off and that her thyroid condition was not stabilized. I was kinda surprised that she was able to get pregnant, and also that she did not seem to concerned about miscarrriage or complications from the thyroid not being completely under control. Since it really wasn't my business, I of course didn't say anything that might make her really fearful, but I did really encourage her to stay on top of her blood work regularly. Like I said, she had no complications, and the baby was healthy and continues to be healthy at 13 months old now.

I hope that story can give you some hope, that it is possible to conceive and have a healthy pregnancy. I hate to see you give up on your dream, but I can certainly understand how you would have fears and be so hesitant, especially since you have experienced a loss. Thyroid problems can be such a long, up-and-down journey. I really struggled with that, coming to terms that it was going to be a long journey. But now I am at peace (mostly ) about that, and so on my bad days, I remind myself that the bad days are going to pass, and it's going to be a good day soon. That might seem ridiculously naive, but it helps me. My husband and I have not decided if we want to try for a third baby, but I have thought through the same questions you have. Do I really want to TTC, only to find out maybe I can't conceive or have a miscarriage? I can't answer those questions for myself yet, but I hope you won't give up looking for answers for yourself.

[Erin.minus.thyroid]

Thank you for the response. I appreciate it

[4 Butterflies]

I'm sorry..... I also have been taking a break from JM. I'm SO sorry for your loss, Erin. I don't know what to say since you said your levels were fine. Did they check your progesterone? I had to be on it for the whole 1st tri and it's common to have low progesterone with thyroid disease. It took almost 2yrs to get pg with Oliver, so I understand. I hope you get some answers soon and a sticky BFP. *HUGS*

[amberjolie]

Hi! One thing I was thinking about in reading your post is that especially if your levels are fine, don't forget that miscarriage can happen to a surprisingly high number of otherwise healthy women. Unfortunately because of your thyroid condition, of course you'd be concerned that that was the cause and that it could happen again. And I couldn't tell you one way or another if that was a factor. But it is a possibility that you were just one of the women who have a miscarriage for no apparent reason.

Just something to think about (not that it helps much in making you feel better, I'm sure...)

[NutMeg76]

Is your thyroid auto-immune? If so you should request to be tested for anti-phospholipid. It can cause miscarriage.

That said, I have had three pregnancies since I should have been diagnosed as hypothyroid after my son. While one did end in stillbirth, it had nothing to do with my thyroid problems. I have never had a miscarriage either.

[*Cyndee*]

*Hugs* Something similar happened to me. I developed hashimotos afte rmy 1st pregnancy and my thyroid went inactive. My first pregnancy was flawless, no MS, no bleeding, just perfect. I waited 2 years and tried for 8 months to get pg. When I finally did I got my levels checked and was slightly hyper but my Endo didn't change my meds. I miscarried at 11 weeks 2 days and had to have a D&C the morning after I passed the baby on my own. It was horrific and terrifying and heart breaking. It took the desire to TTC right out of me. I still want another baby but I never want to go through that again.

I think if you can handle it, you should keep trying. If you think about it, women with no medical conditions miscarry every day. You can't always blame one condition or another, it just doesn't work sometimes. I wish I had advice on the medical end, but the truth is you know better than anyone what the next step is. give yourself some time to heal and go for it. You are lucky to have gotten pg so quickly, I think that is a great sign.