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Do you get "age" comments?


Forum: Widely Spaced Siblings

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  #1  
February 9th, 2008, 01:42 PM
Momof4Boyz's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I'm getting soo tired of it. More and more people lately have been giving us grief about our kids' age differences. I didn't PLAN for them to have this age difference but my fertility or lack of caused the 5 yr age gap but now I'm really happy about it. It works for us, and I have a lot of friends with kids close in age and they always seem to be having such a hard time doing anything and I just don't want that! I wanna be able to go shopping with the kids without it being a huge ordeal. So Dh and I decided to wait until our youngest turned 2 to start trying for our 3rd and final baby. We know what our issues are now so, with any luck we'll be pregnant or hopefully have another baby right around when Jayden turns 3. It's a good space, not as much as we have now but it's the "plan". Well I can't even count how many people having been going on and on about how terrible it is that I'm spacing them so far apart and how they won't bond or be friends. Which is such a load.. my two now are BEST friends even though they are 5 yrs apart! These are all people who have had a baby and been pregnant less than a year later and for some reason they think that's just how it's supposed to be. It's just annoying. Anyone else have this problem?! It's driving me crazy.
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  #2  
February 20th, 2008, 11:53 AM
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My kids are also 5 years apart - also due to unexpected fertility issues. We started trying for our second when my son was 3.

The only comments I've gotten so far (Although I'm sure there are more to come...) are from people who had 3 kids in 3 years. They think its crazy to have such an age gap, but I just ignore them.

My son absolutely adores his baby sister - I could not ask for anything more. I love the fact that my son is in Kindergarten, leaving precious day time to spend with the baby. We plan to wait until DD is 3 to try for baby #3. If it happens right away, great, and if it takes longer, thats ok too.
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  #3  
February 20th, 2008, 12:43 PM
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My first two are 5 years apart and then there is almost 4 years between 2nd and 3rd. I only moved this up from 5 because I did not want a baby after I was 35. Mine were planned this way. I do get comments, but I just tell them it is wonderful, they are not jealous like closer siblings, and we were more financially prepared.

We will also be more financially prepared when they are in college.


If anyone says anything I just tell them my husband's sister is 20 years older than him and it was planned his parents did not want two children in the house at the same time. I know crazy. LOL!!!
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  #4  
February 20th, 2008, 12:44 PM
goddessmama's Avatar Member
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Location: Colorado
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i suppose i don't see enough people to hear these comments, but i'm sure i would =)

my step son (my dh's oldest) has 14 years on our daughter and his other son is 10 years older. They love her to pieces and she loves them. it really depends on the kids, not the age gap.
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  #5  
February 20th, 2008, 03:18 PM
Momof4Boyz's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Thanks! I feel better now lol!
It's just driving me nuts, I get it soo much anymore! I don't really know anyone who has kids with the age gap mine have. Most of them have 6, 4, 2, baby... or something similar so I'm kind of the oddball!
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  #6  
February 21st, 2008, 01:36 PM
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my daughter and son will be 7 years apart! yes, i have heard all of the same stuff. "why would you want to start all the way over again?" and "they won't even like each other because they will be too far apart". i just smile and go on! no need to explain DH and my decision to space our kids out
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  #7  
February 22nd, 2008, 01:09 PM
TNmommy's Avatar Member
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Location: Tennessee
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Yes I get the age questiong too. But only from people I haven't seen in a while...like from high school or something. All my family and friends know why there is such a gap. 2 miscarriages.
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  #8  
February 23rd, 2008, 05:47 PM
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I have never posted here before but I just wanted to say that I get this too all the time!! It drives me up the wall... you don't see me going on and on and on about how horrible it is that their kids are 2 years apart I just think it is so ignorant... when people say something I usually start going on and on about how selfish and unfair it is to have kids close together, and how upsetting it must be that they believe their child won't have friends so they had to "make" them one. They usually shut up pretty fast!
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  #9  
March 6th, 2008, 05:36 PM
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I just tell people I really enjoy it... Dh is in the Navy so there were only certain times we were prepared to have a baby so that he would be home. But then it took a little longer to get preggo (depo) and I miscarried and then got pregnant again. So its a little further apart than I would have liked but I love it! DD is such a huge helper and loves to be big sister. All my friends had back to back kids as well and I was the one thinking to myself, you are crazy!
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  #10  
March 7th, 2008, 11:38 AM
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I get it sometimes, but not alot.

MY own age usually comes in the picture and then people are like "oh"

My oldest is 10, my son is 7 and the baby is a week old. I like having the age difference. Even between my son and daughter, there is always some sparring going on, lol. But between them and the baby, nothing.

They love the baby, they help out and because there is such a difference in age, I dont have them going back and forth about things. The baby is the baby, needs more constant attention and all the things baby needs, while my other two are older, have more privlages, can help more and are more...uh 'grown up' in some ways.

Plus my two have a sence of them being needed and wanted by the baby cause the baby is...well, a baby and cant do anything for himself.
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  #11  
March 8th, 2008, 08:46 AM
Cyndee's Avatar Mommy to 3 tagalongs
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no body has ever said anything about the 6 year age difference of the boys.. People automatically think that Walker has a different dad.. Nope.. I tell them me and my dh have been together almost 11 years and Walker is only 9 years old.. I just had fertility problems...
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  #12  
March 8th, 2008, 04:33 PM
LovinMyGirls's Avatar Proud Working Momma
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I fortunately don't get the comments..atleast not too my face. I usually get looks about my age and the fact that my oldest is 7 but never about the space between my two girls.
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  #13  
March 9th, 2008, 02:48 PM
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People usually think that my baby belongs to my 18 yr old son or my 17 yr old daughter. The kids always tell strangers, "The kid isn't mine." Ha. I don't know why they don't say he is my baby brother. The difference between the youngest and the baby 13 yrs, so most people don't even bother going there. Sometimes I get, well, what the heck were you thinking starting over????you were almost out of the woods!! I just introduce Jeffrie as Mr. Surprise. hehe ( In case you don't know, I have Nathan, 18, Veronica, 17, Zachary, 14, and Jeffrie Jr. 1 1/2.) Oh, and he was definitely a surprise. But just because I had my others close, doesn't mean I planned it that way. It just happened that way. And it was definitely difficult back then.
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  #14  
March 9th, 2008, 03:00 PM
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I've never posted here, but mine are 7 1/2 years apart. A lot of people questioned me about it, but I felt I wanted to give my daughter all I could before having another one. She loves her brother and I know they will be close no matter the age gap. I'm 9 years older than my sisters and we have a pretty good relationship. My doctor even asked me if my daughter was from a previous relationship. I was so angry! I told her NO, we justed want to wait!
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  #15  
March 15th, 2008, 12:19 PM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
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Heh.. my mom has friends who doesn't even know she's got a daughter because I don't live at home and there's such a huge age gap between them and I. The last time I was home and went to a soccer game (soccer is what keeps my family going I think lol) someone asked my mother (when I was off chasing my aunt's 4 year old) if I was her sister or her cousin, because she didn't know I existed.

But the age gaps aren't that uncommon where I'm from. I have several friends who graduated with me, and have two siblings that will graduate with my little brothers, or who are even younger!

People don't realize the reason that force families to have their children apart. Personally, I thought it was great being so much older! I didn't have to fight for the car, cause the little ones were under 10 at the time. I didn't have to wait for the phone, I basically had run of the house!

For all of you who are getting grief about the age gap, just smile and nod at them. They don't understand, and they never will. But you've got wonderful kids who will be happy to be with each other (if they're not right now, they will in 10 years, TRUST ME).
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  #16  
March 28th, 2008, 11:58 AM
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There is a 4 yr difference between my older 2 and that got questioned quite a bit. I had cervical issues that needed to be taken care of inbetween them and that needed to be free and clear for a year before I could even try to get pg again. Then we decided to have a 3rd. Yeah there is an almost 8 yr difference between Traci and Keira. Hubby and I had our troubles marital and financial and decided that we wouldn't have a 3rd but decided that we wanted to now that we can devote more time to another child and we have the $. My mom was the worst though. She reacted horribly to it so I didn't talk to her until she could just let it go and deal with the fact that I am not 15 I am 37 and can make my own decisions. Every child is a blessing and if she couldn't deal with it then it was her issue. She did come around though quite quickly. Most people just ask if it's a 2nd marriage baby and I just smile and say nope.. been married to the same man for 13 years now.
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  #17  
April 2nd, 2008, 09:38 PM
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I have not had to many comments. I do get "is she your only one" I say no, I have an 8 year old at home. They just give me a funny look and walk away. My kids do have different fathers and I was very young when I had my first. No one that I know thinks anything of me "starting over".
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  #18  
April 6th, 2008, 02:03 PM
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I get that alot, my girls are virtually 4 years apart and i get "why did you wait so long" ummm i tried for 18 months and had 5 miscarriages...i didn't intend on it being so long
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  #19  
April 9th, 2008, 01:52 PM
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I've gotten a few comments too.My daughter just turned 19 and my son was born on Feb. 29th.
And some people think he's her baby when we are out together somewhere.lol

Had I had a good marriage with her father I would have had another one a long time ago.
Last year a remarried and we decided we wanted to try for one and 3 months later we were pregnant!
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  #20  
April 9th, 2008, 05:14 PM
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I have a beautiful healthy babygirl who is turning 5 2morrow! I am currently trying to have another baby. I have already got the comments on "OH you shoudnt have waited soooo long", I feel like its a great time, my daughter is comfortable with the idea that she wont be the only one, she LOVES the idea of helping. She wasnt neglected any of the attention she needed when she was a toddler and I will have a BIG help with her getting the diapers and wipes and so on. She kinda has the idea because I brought my niece around a lot when she was born to kinda prepare her for it. Im confident that she will come out ok with the whole thing. I remember when me and my sister were little (a year and a half apart) we fought all the time, we argued and stole each others toys! I feel like we were too close in age. So if you ask me, we are timing PERFECTLY! Goodluck with the criticism, I know I will need it!
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