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  #1  
November 9th, 2010, 12:40 PM
*Kiliki*'s Avatar i have absolute power
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cope with death....not believing in an "afterlife"
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  #2  
November 9th, 2010, 03:43 PM
Zanahoria's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Are you asking how I cope with the knowledge that I will someday die, or how I deal with grief over the death of a loved one?

I cope with the idea of my own death by reminding myself that when I'm dead, that's it, I won't have a consciousness any longer and therefore I won't know I'm dead or feel sad about it, or anything else. I do feel sad for those around me though, especially my children.

With the death of a loved one, I grieve just like anybody else. I miss that person and lament their absence in my life, but most of the deaths around me have come after some form of lengthy pain (cancer, strokes, etc) so I find comfort in knowing that person isn't suffering any longer.

DH's grandmother died the day before Halloween, and I still haven't seen him shed a single tear over her. He keeps telling me he's actually relieved she's gone because she's not suffering any longer (she had a massive stroke and has been near vegetative in a hospital bed for the last three years). I know exactly how he feels. I cried when my grandfather died, I was there at his bedside when it happened, but I felt more relief for him than anything. I had watched him decline over several years due to strokes as well. I try to focus on the good times had with that person while they were alive rather than dwell on the fact that they're gone.

I don't need fairy tales about an afterlife to comfort me about death, knowing that there is no pain once you're gone is enough for me.
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  #3  
November 10th, 2010, 05:34 AM
*Kiliki*'s Avatar i have absolute power
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yeah i dont need the fairy tales either but for me when my grandparents died...it was hard to grip...my grandpa i was only 8 or 9 so i really didnt understand much of what was going on....and my grandma died so suddenly NO ONE saw it coming....it was like one day she was fine and the next she was literally gone her death was so hard to deal with.....and i guess it still kinda is as there was no real cause for her to go into renal failure....she was only in her late 60's was pretty healthy....so for her i cried and just wondered basically what the....ya know....it was real hard
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  #4  
November 11th, 2010, 10:12 AM
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I am just glad that they are not suffering anymore.
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  #5  
November 11th, 2010, 04:47 PM
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I don't do anything special to cope, I suppose. I grieve like anyone else would, minus the praying, of course. I actually think it may be easier* for us, sans "heaven" and all. I think it's easier to accept that something was wrong, something went wrong, whatever, then to wonder why a god would let my grandpa suffer for years, or take away someone who is young and still should have had a lot of life left.

*Not saying it's easy for anyone, but for me personally, it's a helluva lot easier to accept death in an atheist outlook. When I hear people say things like "God just wanted _____ in heaven with him" I want to hurl. I fail to see how that could possibly be comforting, or make their god shine in a positive light. If I were a believer, I think it would make me hate that god with all my might to take away small children, young parents, etc.
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  #6  
November 11th, 2010, 07:37 PM
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I absolutely suck at dealing with death. alot.
i'm concerned about my own, only bcs i'm sad at the idea of people i love being sad over me, and the things i will miss, and not see my kids do, etc.

i'm REALLY sucky over other people i love going. not anything to do with afterlife really. just that i'm terrible losing people close to me. maybe it's my depression and anxiety. i don't know. i just am not good with it.
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  #7  
November 12th, 2010, 01:16 PM
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I have only had to deal with the deaths of people who were not close to me. So, during that time I always took a view of it being the natural course of life. Even when I had someone die at my feet. People were wailing and on the verge of garment rending. (It was at work by the way, and the lady had an aneurysm, she just...fell over) I am 100% positive that I looked like a sociopath, because I did not show any reaction. They had called in multiple counselors and were extremely upset that I did not want to talk to a single one.

The bottom line is, right now, I understand death and what happens. That is how I am able to cope.
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  #8  
November 15th, 2010, 12:35 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Squirrely View Post
I don't do anything special to cope, I suppose. I grieve like anyone else would, minus the praying, of course. I actually think it may be easier* for us, sans "heaven" and all. I think it's easier to accept that something was wrong, something went wrong, whatever, then to wonder why a god would let my grandpa suffer for years, or take away someone who is young and still should have had a lot of life left.

*Not saying it's easy for anyone, but for me personally, it's a helluva lot easier to accept death in an atheist outlook. When I hear people say things like "God just wanted _____ in heaven with him" I want to hurl. I fail to see how that could possibly be comforting, or make their god shine in a positive light. If I were a believer, I think it would make me hate that god with all my might to take away small children, young parents, etc.
I completely agree. I found it easier to deal with my dad's death (since I'm agnostic now) rather than my brother's (I was Christian then). I know he died of cancer so I was just relieved he was no longer in pain. Now a sudden, unexpected death- like a car accident or something. That seems like it would be harder to deal with (for me, personally) but I imagine I would go through all of the normal stages of grief without the prayers.
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  #9  
November 16th, 2010, 08:23 PM
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I personally haven't had to deal with a death since leaving Christianity. Believing in afterlife really helps some people, when I stepped back and really looked at the entire picture, I couldn't believe that I BELIEVED in that. I truly thought oh doing all this good will get me to a happy place with all my loved ones after I die.

I look at things now and cherish the time I have NOW with the people I love, instead of waiting until I die to do so. The people that I did know that have passed that haven't been close, I feel are just gone. You can't talk to them, you can't see them, they are gone. I think going to a grave and talking helps, but it isn't something that will make the person listen, they are dead.
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