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hi, new here, and a vent and how do you cope wiht it question


Forum: Atheist and Agnostic Parenting

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  #1  
March 17th, 2011, 10:03 AM
*~*N*i*c*o*l*e*~*'s Avatar Mommy Since 2006
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Hi there,

Im Nicole. I have 3 children and I am ttc my 4th child after being diagnosed with infertility issues this past october 2010. Im atheist.

My vent is, Ive been struggling with my infertility, and we are coming up on the 2 year mark. I had never had infertility problems before. I was quite fertile. Got pregnant very easily with my other child, first time for 2 children and the second cycle for another. It was easy. After my last child was born in 2009, I took depo provera. After ttc for a year after my shot, I was told that I was basicalyl sterile They told me depo provera caused my body to develop pcos. They also said i might have secondary infertility. However, they never did ultrasounds to confirm that i had pcos or anything, so im at a loss to if i do or not. However. thats not why im venting.

On facebook a couple days ago I had written I was .. LOST.. meaning I felt alone, didnt know what to do about my current situation. Alot of my friends are bible thumpers. Thats fine, I understand you believe, I dont and I dont force my disbelifs on them so I would they they would not tell me I need god in my life. I was basically told the reason Im not getting pregnant is because Im not turning my life over to god. I told there there is no god. It went on and on, obviously. They kept trying to force me to believe there is a god, and I dont and wont. I cant believe in something I think is made up and full of lies (the bible). So witht hat being said, I had to deleatet he threat, but since then im just fuming mad. I dont want to tip toe around my friends but at the same time I know me being a non believer is ghoing to affect any friendship. Ive actually avoided posting anything for a few days now. They told me im a lost soul and that if i turned my life to god id get pregnant. I really doubt that, but anways, what would you do to cope with this. I feel even more alone about my infertility now. ( a few of the friends on there have some infertiity issues but believe god is telling them no more children right now, or no children at all). That I cant accept.

sorry for my rant, I just its been bothering me and affecting my sleep.
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  #2  
March 17th, 2011, 10:12 AM
*Kiliki*'s Avatar i have absolute power
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well im sorry you are having fertility issues one down side of taking the depo shot im afraid since you are coming up on the 2yr mark i would call ur dr and tell them you want to be tested for pcos...no ifs ands or buts about it and if they wont do it find a dr who will.....good luck!!

and about the fb thing...yeah i would ignore them...they have no idea what they are talking about
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  #3  
March 17th, 2011, 11:21 AM
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I agree w/the pp the people on FB know nothing. I've had people tell me that my son is autistic because I don't believe and if I just believed he would be fine. As for your infertility for that I hope you get things worked out. Depo is a mean mean drug they don't like to tell you the ins and outs of.
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  #4  
March 17th, 2011, 01:22 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by *~*N*i*c*o*l*e*~* View Post
On facebook a couple days ago I had written I was .. LOST.. meaning I felt alone, didnt know what to do about my current situation. Alot of my friends are bible thumpers. Thats fine, I understand you believe, I dont and I dont force my disbelifs on them so I would they they would not tell me I need god in my life. I was basically told the reason Im not getting pregnant is because Im not turning my life over to god. I told there there is no god. It went on and on, obviously. They kept trying to force me to believe there is a god, and I dont and wont. I cant believe in something I think is made up and full of lies (the bible). So witht hat being said, I had to deleatet he threat, but since then im just fuming mad. I dont want to tip toe around my friends but at the same time I know me being a non believer is ghoing to affect any friendship.
To the bolded: your friends are obviously delusional. I'm sorry you have to deal with them and their absolute lack of support in this.
And if the fact that you don't believe in God is enough for another person to give you a hard time or choose not to be your friend, is it really worth the effort to try to be friends with them in the first place? You respect their beliefs, and you should expect the same courtesy back.
I'm sorry you're having to deal with such a tough thing. Hopefully things will get better from here.
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  #5  
March 17th, 2011, 01:54 PM
*~*N*i*c*o*l*e*~*'s Avatar Mommy Since 2006
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thank you ladies. for once I do not feel alone in what i do and dont believe.

thank you for letting me get this off my chest. I cant beleive some of the stupid things people say. like honestly it blows my mind how naieve people can be.

I was tested for pcos, my blood work came back normal. I never had an ultrasound to prove i have cysts on my ovaries. But the endocrinologist i saw said I have it becaue I hadnt had a period on my own in a year (only birth contorl induced periods). He said based on my weight ( i am lighter now than i was when i had my other 3 children) that i have it. I have no other signs. He mentioned i probably needed clomid and thats if it would even make me ovulate. Well i talked to my regular doc about it and he put me on it. And i took 2 cycles. My first cycle i ovulated, but got my period. MY second cycle I ovulated, and got a bfp. However i had tested early and by the time my period was due, she showed. my doc said it was likely a chemical pregnancy. So i decided to take a break from it. However, since doing so Ive now had 2 periods on my own since january, and on a regular basis. I am able to predict my cycles again which i hadnt been bale to do in over a years time. so now Im hoping that because its coming up on the 2 year mark and ive read it can take some ppl up to 2 years for depo to be gone that it might be finally leaving and i may have some hope. I woul dlove to prove these doctors wrong. so anways, we are in the middle of a move, but once we have moved. When my next period comes i will get back to my doc for the next dosage up of clomid and pray (hahaha haha just jokes) but hope it works lol.
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  #6  
March 17th, 2011, 04:07 PM
*Kiliki*'s Avatar i have absolute power
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mrsrrjgandmx View Post
I agree w/the pp the people on FB know nothing. I've had people tell me that my son is autistic because I don't believe and if I just believed he would be fine. As for your infertility for that I hope you get things worked out. Depo is a mean mean drug they don't like to tell you the ins and outs of.
omg that is just ridiculous!!! i know a lot of women who believe in god and their children have autism or other problems....why would a good god let a child suffer if there was one?? its his will right?? grr that is one of my biggest miffs with religion.....its "gods plan" yeah why would i want to worship a god who lets children suffer???? uh no thanks...i'll pass
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  #7  
March 18th, 2011, 02:19 AM
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My mother told me I was suffering from clinical depression because I had displeased god by living in sin. Yes. I understand where you are coming from.

I do hope that you get that BFP soon!
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  #8  
March 18th, 2011, 03:02 PM
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Yikes. Sorry you are dealing with secondary infertility (been there myself) then having loved ones add insult to injury by making such ridiculous comments.

I am the mother of 4 children, all born premature. 3 of them spent time in the NICU. I cant tell you how many times I have been told that 'God must have been watching over my babies' or that it was 'Gods will.' Or my personal favorite... 'Have faith and everything will be OK.' Seriously?? I watched my 35 weeker fight for her life against PPHN while most babies born at that gestation go home with their family. While she was at her worst, and we didnt know if she would survive, the little girl next to her lost her battle with prematurity with her loving parents at her side. Is that an example of 'Gods will?' Tell that to the parents of that little girl who fought so hard to stay but was just born too soon. All the faith in the world could not save her.

My last baby was born 8 weeks early and came home after just over a week in the hospital. He should have been there much longer, and I guess I should give credit to God, or so I have been told. Ummm... why not to those doctors and nurses who worked day and night to give him the best start? They are the true heroes. They are the ones who saved my daughters life too. There have been so many times I have wanted to scream that at people offering religious words to me; but I dont out of respect for their beliefs. Why cant they do the same?? I feel your pain!!

Im sorry you are in this situation. As for the secondary infertility, 3 cycles of Clomid worked for me. If you havent tried it yet, its worth asking about. Hang in there, I hope you get pregnant soon.
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  #9  
March 19th, 2011, 06:07 AM
*~*N*i*c*o*l*e*~*'s Avatar Mommy Since 2006
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Thank you. My 3 children have all been born prematurely. Only 1 stayed long in the NICU, the others got to come home with my when I was release. Can I ask why your babies were all preemies? I suffer from severe pre eclampsia.

I also want to slap people in the face for telling me I should be happy with what God has given me. Im pretty sure my dh is the one who gave me his sperm to make our babies lol. And I agree, Id ont go posting on fb about how there is no God, or telling random people it. So why cant tehy just stop talking baout god to me.


Thank you. I will be going onto my third round of clomid soon. I will be bumped up to the 100mg dose. So im hoping it works. Im just in the middle of a cycle now, so once my af comes I will be onto round 3 of clomid after taking a small break. That gives me some hope that maybe clomid will work for me. I do ovulate when I take it, so I guess that I should be pleased enough witht hat. I just hope it results in a viable pregnancy.
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  #10  
March 19th, 2011, 05:00 PM
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I had my first 2 babies early (both at 35 weeks) due to oligohydramnios (low fluid.) I had to be induced with them both. My first was 5 lbs 6 ozs and had underdeveloped lungs from going so long without fluid. She developed PPHN and we almost lost her. She spent 3 months on oxygen at home after discharge from the NICU. My second was a robust 6 lb 8 oz boy who narrowly escaped a NICU stay. My 3rd was born at 33 weeks after my water broke without warning. She was emergency c section due to footling breech presentation. She was a feisty 4 lb 5 oz little girl. Baby #4 my water broke at 31 weeks and he was delivered at 32 weeks via c section. He was 3 lb 13 oz and a healthy little thing who spent just 8 days in the NICU. We are done having babies!!

Why should we be happy with what God has given us, why cant we just be happy with what we have worked so hard for?? That irritates me too, but out of respect of others religion I generally keep my mouth shut. I REALLY wish others would do the same!!

Cycle #3 of Clomid worked for me. I did not ovulate without it, but did with it. My first cycle on it I did not ovulate, second cycle I did ovulate but didnt conceive, and my third cycle I ovulated and conceived. I was same as you, if cycle #3 failed I would be bumped up to 100 mg. I will be rooting for you to get a positive test this cycle!!!
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  #11  
March 21st, 2011, 07:32 AM
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I'm sorry for the ignorance you've encountered. People do not realize how hurtful their judgments can be.
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