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I have been thinking a lot about death recently. My cousin's baby was born with his cord around his neck back in April and died without ever taking a breath. A blog I follow, the author's best friend, a women with 3 children under the age of 6, was just diagnosed with end stage breast cancer. I was talking to a client this morning about giving the 3 year rabies vaccine to the neighborhood cat he was having trouble catching so he wouldn't have to try to catch her next year. He then told me he wouldn't be here next year because he had metastatic prostate cancer and likely only has 3 months left. And this afternoon I really started missing my Jack Russell, Cary, who I lost at 11 years old almost two years ago. Those are just a few of the deaths or impending deaths that have brought it to my mind.
I wish I could believe in an afterlife. I am not saying I wish heaven and hell were real, I just wish I really could believe that when we die we do get to see our loved ones again. That one day my cousin would get to hold her baby Xander and see him smile. That one day I would get to snuggle with Cary on the couch again.
That is all I really wanted to say, I just needed to vent that somewhere that people would understand and I am at least simi-anonymous. I have some local atheist friends that would understand, and of course DH, but I don't really want to talk about it out loud. Thanks for reading.
Oh I totally understand this!!! There are days where I wish I could just pray that something would happen, pray that I could get something or win the lotto. People do that every day and they believe so strongly in that they are being heard. But I know it's pointless, I know there isn't someone up there taking prayers and playing the choosing game on who gets what and when. I haven't experienced much death, but the ones that have passed that I was close to, I do think it would be nice to get to see them again. But I know it just won't happen and honestly, I think it makes me appreciate life SOOO much more.
Mommy to Damon TS to Kyle 10/07 GS for E and R--WE ARE PREGNANT!!
Try 1--Sept 2010 negative Try 2--Jan 2011 negative
Try 3--May 2011-miscarried at 5 weeks
Transfer 4---PREGNANT!!! BFP @ 5.5dp3dt Beta at 11dp3dt was 164.6
Ultrasound showed TWO BABIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I understand where you are coming from, it would certainly be easier. But the more I embrace my atheism, I feel like I become a better, more compassionate person. Knowing that this is my one shot, I try to make each day count; Smiling more, saying thank you more, appreciating those I love more.
I totally get where you are coming from also. I wish with all my heart that I could believe there was an afterlife. I wish there really WAS an afterlife. I'd love to be able to see my loved ones again who have passed. It would also make it easier to think about dying and death, if I believed there was more to this life than what we're living. But I also agree that I think it makes me appreciate my life a little bit more.
this is something I agonize over day in day out. It is so cruel to think that there isnt an afterlife. I am not entirely sure of what there is. logically I cant belive in anything...I cant wrap my head around their being a god and heaven..but I also cant wrap my head around being alone.
I am trying really hard to live in the moment an enjoy every second of life...but wiht death staring me in the face it is so hard somedays