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Are you the same non-relgion as your DH or SO?


Forum: Atheist and Agnostic Parenting

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  #1  
August 16th, 2006, 10:41 PM
Kath M.'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Just wondering if you and your DH or SO have the same beliefs or non beliefs or whatever that may be. I don't know that I could have married a Christain or a Jew or Muslim etc. It is just such a part of who I am, I would struggle with it and with raising children...
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  #2  
August 17th, 2006, 10:03 AM
mrobinson
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Dh absolutely doesn't believe in a god but believes me that I had a couple of ghost experiences.. He is more of a follower of Buddhism but it's a philosopy more than a religion to him. I think him and I think the same way so I don't see it being an issue. We both want our kids to question everything so telling them about what others believe (Christianity, etc) will be for education purposes, not to raise them.. If my kids rebel against me, you know they'll end up as conversative, Christians.. AAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
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  #3  
August 17th, 2006, 11:22 AM
Number_3's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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DH is agnostic, but I am full-out atheist. We don't seem to have any conflicts on the matter between us.....only when his family steps in.
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  #4  
August 17th, 2006, 11:50 AM
mrobinson
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DH is agnostic, but I am full-out atheist. We don't seem to have any conflicts on the matter between us.....only when his family steps in.[/b]
that reminds me.. I should thank my family and his for not being overbearing about their opinions on religions.
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  #5  
August 17th, 2006, 11:54 AM
smt smt is offline
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Quote:
Just wondering if you and your DH or SO have the same beliefs or non beliefs or whatever that may be. I don't know that I could have married a Christain or a Jew or Muslim etc. It is just such a part of who I am, I would struggle with it and with raising children...[/b]
I just happen to be a DH, and not a DW I was raised Christian, accepted Christ at a summer camp when I was about 13, and eventually worked for a church for over 10 years. I met my wife at church and got married. Obviously, she was a Christian, too. About five years into our marriage, I started looking critically at what I believed about god, and tried to reconcile inconsistencies. It was a process that took a number of years and eventually I realized that I could no longer use "faith" to fill the gaps in logic relating to Christianity. I had discussed my concerns with DW a few times along the way and I eventually told her that I no longer believed in God. This has not been an easy process for us and has created quite a bit of tension. She would like me to "just believe" but I told her if I did that I would be living a lie, and that I know she's not really asking me to do that. She asked that I talk with our pastor about this and I have now done that a couple times and it has not changed anything I believe.

It just so happened that at about this time it was becoming more and more difficult to get to Church on time. We had just had our second child and it was a 20 minute drive to church. Now that I no longer "believed", my wife wanted to go to the local Catholic church instead. I agreed because the way I saw it, our kids would not be in Sunday School every week and it would save me at least 30 minutes of "god time". I was now no longer was in contact with most of the Christians I knew, with the exception of a few friends. I am basically a "closet atheist" and have not told anyone but my wife and pastor about my change of beliefs. One reason for not "coming out" is because I do consulting work and most of my clients are Christian. It is very likely I would lose a number of clients if they knew how I really felt. Typically, my friends never ask about God stuff and if they say anything it is to ask where we are going to church. I just say we are going to the Catholic church because that is where DW wants to go.

Our children are still young, but like I said in another thread, it will be an issue in the near future. Oh, I did tell my mom, and she says it is normal to question your beliefs and thinks I will just turn back to God. She is basically in the "denial" phase, when it comes to my beliefs.
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  #6  
August 18th, 2006, 07:57 AM
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My dh is a Catholic. It doesn't really cause us too many problems, because he's not a practicing Catholic. But it does make for interesting debate at times. Our biggest issue is what the raise the kids as. We both agree that they should go to church and learn, so when they're older they can make their own decision on what to believe. But we don't know what church to take them to. I really don't want them raised Catholic. So I guess we need to look into something Unitarian. But anyways, the real problem lies with his parents. They're super religious, and refuse to accept my beliefs. And they continually push their beliefs on the kids, which really upsets me.
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  #7  
August 18th, 2006, 02:36 PM
kadydid
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My DH does not believe in god, he has never had a religion. And I do not believe in god either. But I was a Christian and sometimes he thinks I am a little nutty. And truth be know, I am a little nutty.

Dh and I are very much the same. But he wouldn’t be totally opposed to the idea that we were created by something, like maybe we are in a fish bowl on some aliens coffee table. Maybe a better word to describe him is a non committal deist. LOL Some times I wonder if there is some natural energy that keeps the whole thing going (circle of life type stuff) but nothing supernatural. I just can’t swallow it.

Personally I could never marry someone who had a different faith again. I learned my lesson the first time around (with my ex). I was a non denomination Christian and he was a Catholic. We both believed in Jesus but as far as religion went that’s were where it ended.
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  #8  
August 18th, 2006, 03:00 PM
smt smt is offline
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Some times I wonder if there is some natural energy that keeps the whole thing going (circle of life type stuff) but nothing supernatural.[/b]
There is. It is called the laws of physics.

Quote:
Some times I wonder if there is some Personally I could never marry someone who had a different faith again. I learned my lesson the first time around (with my ex). I was a non denomination Christian and he was a Catholic. We both believed in Jesus but as far as religion went that’s were where it ended.[/b]
I never would have married a non-christian when I was a Christian. But here I am a non-christian, married to a christian... go figure. I still love here and would not change a thing... except to make her a non-christian
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  #9  
August 18th, 2006, 03:19 PM
mrobinson
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I never would have married a non-christian when I was a Christian. But here I am a non-christian, married to a christian... go figure. I still love her and would not change a thing... except to make her a non-christian [/b]


You know, I can't imagine how hard that must be.. how many days you bang your head up against a wall about it... but I'm sure it wouldn't be funny.. Reading that just made me laugh because I wonder how long my DH's list would be if he could change something about me?

(I think I was scareing him when I was talking about Jesus and Christianity while I was researching it!)
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  #10  
August 18th, 2006, 04:12 PM
smt smt is offline
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I never would have married a non-christian when I was a Christian. But here I am a non-christian, married to a christian... go figure. I still love her and would not change a thing... except to make her a non-christian [/b]


You know, I can't imagine how hard that must be.. how many days you bang your head up against a wall about it... but I'm sure it wouldn't be funny.. Reading that just made me laugh because I wonder how long my DH's list would be if he could change something about me?

(I think I was scareing him when I was talking about Jesus and Christianity while I was researching it!)
[/b]
I am sure there are other things I would change... but will stop with this one for now
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  #11  
August 20th, 2006, 12:42 PM
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My DH was raised by ultra-liberal Jewish parent and is a scientist. He does not really believe in God but he feels culturely Jewish. He has said to me that he would almost rather our kids experiment with drugs and alcohol than religion. He has a hard time trusting anyone who is hard core religious.
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  #12  
August 20th, 2006, 01:28 PM
mrobinson
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He has said to me that he would almost rather our kids experiment with drugs and alcohol than religion. He has a hard time trusting anyone who is hard core religious.[/b]

(Irish accent) *Wheew* That brought a wee tear to my eye.


Seriously, that's too bad he has such a bad taste in his mouth about it.. I honestly can't say I blame him.. I have some really harsh opinions myself of the reasonings to some things..

*Inner thoughts* (I hope we all heal so we can trust ourselves around these types...)
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  #13  
August 27th, 2006, 04:38 PM
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I guess I'm lucky - hubby and I just happen to both not believe in deities and not like organized religions full of rules and rituals. We had both formed our non-beliefs long before meeting each other and had actually fallen in love before the topic of religion ever cam up, and were both relieved to find we had no conflicts in that area.
His family are Catholic, although his mother is not practicing, and they live at the opposite end of the country so have no influence on our childrens. My family are lapsed Catholic on my mothers side and ex-communictaed Mormon on my fathers, and while they do believe in god they believe silently - no one goes to church, reads scriptures, or makes any mention of god in conversation, not even around holidays. I don't think there is as much as a cross or prayer anywhere in my mothers home unless you count her old rosary in a box somewhere.
The most reference to religion from my side is a God Bless You when you sneeze. On my husbands side there was some disapproval when they asked about our son's baptism and I told them there would be none, but they knew me better than to press the issue - however his grandmother had blessings said for us every year until she passed away, we would get a card in the mail from her church informing us of the prayers that had been made in our names. That never bothered me, after all it's the thought that counts, lol
Yep, overall hubby and I are pretty lucky, we feel the same way about religion and have nbo one telling us we should feel any different.
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  #14  
September 6th, 2006, 06:30 AM
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I am an atheist and my boyfriend believes in god. He's not a follower, he doesn't go to church etc etc so I can handle that.

I couldn't marry some bible basher.
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  #15  
September 6th, 2006, 10:29 AM
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The topic of religion doesn't come between my DH and I very often, and when it does, it's usually to show some disgust for some nasty thing that's going on in the name of organized religion, or for some relgious nut who's lobbying against stem cells or gay marriage or something.

I don't believe in a god at all, but I'm pretty sure DH does - just not the standard christian view of one. He has said to me a few times that he believs that god is math, but hasn't ever really gone into any further explaination then that. heh.

I do most everything with Kaya and he'll play with her for a few minutes when he notices that she's there, so I figure I'll just teach Kaya what I want, and if he happens to step in and actually want to do some religious schooling of his own, he can do that.


His family is Seventh Day Adventist. His parents even sent him and his sister to a private 7thDayAdv school up until middle school when they couldn't afford it anymore - lol. His grandfather is a crazy relgious nut who sends us bibles and religious books for holidays, and sends DH lots of religious forwards via email. DH says he's got them all set to auto-sort into the trash can - lol.

My mom is agnostic, but I think she does sort of believe in a higher power, but loosely. She once expalined to me what she believes in as far as the afterlife goes, and I told her she was a buddhist - lol.

My grandma lived with my mom and I for a number of years after my grandpa died, and she'd go to church every sunday. There were two churches near our house, a lutheran church down the street, and a prodestant church a few blocks away. She said she tried both and liked the pastor at the prodestant one so that's the one she went to.

When I was little I saw the animated bible stories, and was taught about god and all that, but my mom and I never went to church, and my mom never pushed any religion or prayer or anything like that. I remember telling my mom that I didn't believe in god when I was 9 years old and she was like "Oh, thats fine".

My mom is the only family that's close to us, so she won't be a problem with pushing religious stuff on Kaya. All of the rest of our family lives pretty far away.
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  #16  
September 6th, 2006, 10:43 AM
Dayna1
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My mother in law to be wants my son to be her religion...I told her he will decide ON HIS OWN.
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  #17  
September 6th, 2006, 08:00 PM
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I was raised half-assedly Jewish (parents shipped me off to Temple occasionally, but didn't really care). He was raised atheist.

We met on a secular humanist messageboard. But I'm here in the south, and he's over in Aussieland.
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  #18  
September 8th, 2006, 02:29 PM
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SO and me both don't believe in deities of any shape or form. We know that we won't have our child baptized (even tho his parents are very offended at the thought) and just let him decided later on in life what he believes or doesn't believe in. I feel very fortunate to be with someone that shares my beliefs. I don't think i'd handle very well beeing with someone who'd give me the 'too bad you'll end up in hell for not beeing saved' line.
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  #19  
September 21st, 2006, 02:10 PM
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My husband and I are both atheist and non-practicing. I would have a hard time if he were a believer and I'm sure he would too if I were. I just don't think we would get along.
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