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Forum: Atheist and Agnostic Parenting

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  #1  
September 6th, 2006, 03:09 PM
kadydid
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I have a friend that I have known for about 6 or 7 years who is having an awful year. Last year her 19 year old son was convicted of Child Molestation at a gym daycare. The whole thing has pretty much ruined her life and she does not believe that it is true. I honestly, am not sure if it is true, doesn’t matter anyway since he won’t be getting out of jail for about 10 years.
So here is my problem, I love her dearly but she is tripping me out. She has always smoked pot. But now she is smoking pot and watching the religious channel all day long. I have no idea what to say to her, to help her out. She says that her faith is the only thing that has gotten her through this last year, but I don’t see her as getting through it, I see her barely holding on to sanity.
She is convinced that god is punishing her and that if she stops doing “sinful” things, he will give her Tyler back (her son who is in prison) But she is not even attempting to stop any destructive activities, and she is wigging out on fanatical religious TV all day long (she says that’s all she does every day, except for when she is working)

UGH

Any suggestions would be much appreciated!

~Kady
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  #2  
September 6th, 2006, 08:50 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 3,496
I don't know any advice to give you on this...I'm thinking on it, tho and I will continue to tonight. I hope things get better for her...she just sounds like she is trying to keep the pain (guilt?) at bay.
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  #3  
September 6th, 2006, 08:57 PM
SchwarzeWitwe's Avatar Veteran
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Location: Knoxvegas, TN
Posts: 414
Give her a reality check. Harsh, if necessary.

Isabellamom - I LOVE HARRY POTTER.
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  #4  
September 6th, 2006, 09:08 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 3,496
Quote:
Give her a reality check. Harsh, if necessary.[/b]
I was thinking that this feels like a definitely way to handle it. She might need a jolt to get out of the downward spiral. But I don't know if she could handle it? She might just HAVE to.

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Isabellamom - I LOVE HARRY POTTER. [/b]
I can't get enough of these books! (while I am not a fan, my husband loves all that is heavy metal and loud music so he would def appreciate your screen name ). I also love your blinkie. So true.
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  #5  
September 6th, 2006, 10:07 PM
kadydid
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Quote:
Quote:
Give her a reality check. Harsh, if necessary.[/b]
I was thinking that this feels like a definitely way to handle it. She might need a jolt to get out of the downward spiral. But I don't know if she could handle it? She might just HAVE to.

[/b]
Frack, I know it, I just wanted to see if anyone else had any better ideas. I am going to go over to her house next week, and hopefully she doesn't hate me when I am done. I generally don't like to confront people about their issues, but I am truly worried about her.

Thanks
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  #6  
September 7th, 2006, 06:05 AM
Number_3's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Western PA
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Harsh reality may help, but I can say one thing....she's doing her ######edest to escape reality by doing what she's doing, so she will probably fight it/you. Not necessarily outwardly, but she may go deeper inward before she snaps back out. I know that pot smoking makes you L A Z Y and quite comfy to just sit around and do nothing much about anything.

Good luck!
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  #7  
September 7th, 2006, 09:54 AM
mrobinson
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Quote:
I have a friend that I have known for about 6 or 7 years who is having an awful year. Last year her 19 year old son was convicted of Child Molestation at a gym daycare. The whole thing has pretty much ruined her life and she does not believe that it is true. I honestly, am not sure if it is true, doesn’t matter anyway since he won’t be getting out of jail for about 10 years.
So here is my problem, I love her dearly but she is tripping me out. She has always smoked pot. But now she is smoking pot and watching the religious channel all day long. I have no idea what to say to her, to help her out. She says that her faith is the only thing that has gotten her through this last year, but I don’t see her as getting through it, I see her barely holding on to sanity.
She is convinced that god is punishing her and that if she stops doing “sinful” things, he will give her Tyler back (her son who is in prison) But she is not even attempting to stop any destructive activities, and she is wigging out on fanatical religious TV all day long (she says that’s all she does every day, except for when she is working)

UGH

Any suggestions would be much appreciated!

~Kady[/b]
Well, at least she is working for now..

So, child molestation, jail, pot, religion and guilt ~ nothing heavy then eh? Let me think about it... It's so complex. I kinda wonder if she is suffering from more than just depression as a mental illness.. Do you know anything about that kind of history? What about abuse? Was she abused? An abuser to the son? Was he abused? What of the father? What relationship did the father have with the mother and the son now in jail? How long has she been a drug user? Is it only weed or does she drink too? Do you think she might be open to a retreat to sober up? I have to much to say but I don't want to get off on the wrong road.

Because of her belief in God and the sin she feels guilty of, I would start by taking her to church and getting help from a priest of her faith.. (What faith is she?) I generally don't agree with their logic, but because she follows the faith, it relates to her. The more people she has to speak to about things, the more she'll be able to heal. A priest/minister might help her either see "why" she's needing to repent or the experience will shake her out of her belief. (Either way, it's forward motion.) Churches might be able to offer free retreats for her addiction too..
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  #8  
September 8th, 2006, 11:00 AM
mrobinson
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I was thinking about this more last night.. I shouldn't have downplayed the depression she might be suffering from.. Maybe gently ask her about seeing a doctor?
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  #9  
September 8th, 2006, 01:03 PM
kadydid
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I think she is definitely depressed. I think she feels like a mom would that lost her son, only maybe worse, because so many people have terrible opinions of her son. And if she doesn’t believe that he did it, that makes it even worse.

I was thinking about trying to get her to go to church or something. I realize that some people need religion, they are just not strong enough to cope with things otherwise. But maybe the reason she is avoiding a church setting, is because of the stigma she feels throughout her community about her son. It was highly publicized and it really brought a lot of crazies out. If ya KWIM?

I just wish I could help her. She knows I am an atheist, so me telling her that god is not punishing her is not really very comforting to her

Thanks for all your help!!
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