Log In Sign Up

how can i be atheist


Forum: Atheist and Agnostic Parenting

Notices

Welcome to the JustMommies Message Boards.

We pride ourselves on having the friendliest and most welcoming forums for moms and moms to be! Please take a moment and register for free so you can be a part of our growing community of mothers. If you have any problems registering please drop an email to boards@justmommies.com.

Our community is moderated by our moderation team so you won't see spam or offensive messages posted on our forums. Each of our message boards is hosted by JustMommies hosts, whose names are listed at the top each board. We hope you find our message boards friendly, helpful, and fun to be on!

Reply Post New Topic
  Subscribe To Atheist and Agnostic Parenting LinkBack Topic Tools Search this Topic Display Modes
  #1  
February 8th, 2007, 12:18 AM
mrsgishie's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Federal Way, WA
Posts: 3,846
Send a message via AIM to mrsgishie
I am having a hard time with how to protect my dh's feelings about religion.. he doesn't subscribe to any in particular.. just that there is 'something' out there that made all this, etc. he feels deeply disturbed that if there is a heaven , that he will be alone there for eternity because i don't believe. How do you comfort someone that feels this way??? i am at a loss...

I already censor myself so much that you people are about the only ones i can talk to at all about how ireally feel religion-wise. my mom and dad and just about everyone else i know that are close to me have strong religious views and if i actually told them that i am an atheist it would hurt their feelings very much and i don't want to do that so i just shut up about my beliefs and let them go on about theirs and it bothers me especially when they say 'i'll pray for you, or pray about it and it will get better', etc. when that is not what i believe. but i just take it so that i don't create a conflict or induce hurt , especially on my parents.

i guess my main question is, how do you be an atheist and still have emotional connections with the people you love? how do you keep them frombeing hurt with the thought that you won't be with them in the afterlife because you will never believe in one?

btw i just sat thru 80 minutes sam harris's speech on his book "'the end of faith: religion, terror, and the future of reason" on c-span, courtesy of youtube (gotta love youtube!!) and i feel sooo much more at peace with my atheist beliefs now. he is so articulate and has brilliant ideas!! I want to run out and buy his book now DH is in the other room on the other computer.. he asked me what i was watching and as soon as i told him the title of his book he kind of 'shut off' to any kind of conversation about it and i feel more isolated in my feelings... i can't even talk to my dh about my basic beliefs. how's that for disparaging :/ anyhoo...


any thoughts are welcome


ETA i really like how sam harris put this thought out... that he doesn't really like the term 'atheist' because he doesn't think there should be a "name" for being reasonable. such as people who aren't astronomers aren't "named" 'anti-astronomists' or people who aren't geologists aren't called 'un-geologists'... obviously not a direct quote but you get the idea i had never really thought about it that way before.
__________________
<div align="center">Rachel and Dan married since July 4, 2000
DD Sarah Abbey born 9-8-04 (@ 34.3 wks, 5 lbs 1 oz. pre-eclampsia)</div><div align="center">DS Corbin Carroll born 6-29-06 (@ 35.3 wks, 6 lbs 3 oz. pre-eclampsia. emergency c-section)</div><div align="center"><span style="font-family:Franklin Gothic Medium">See MySpace</span></div>
<div align="center"> </div>
Reply With Quote
  #2  
February 8th, 2007, 10:42 AM
Athey's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Bend, Oregon
Posts: 3,257
Send a message via MSN to Athey
Thats a hard one, and I'm basically in the same boat with my DH. He doesn't specifically follow any religion, but he does believe in a higher power. Plus he was raised going to a private religious school until he was 14, so it's sort of hard to get that sort of ingrained belief out of a person.

The few times I've brought up stuff, he sort of shut off too, so I've basically not talked about it.

My mom at least is an agnostic and we can talk together about our opinions on religious stuff really nicely and it does make me feel better to be able to relate to her on that.

I can see how hard it would be to have to hold that back from your parents.

Sorry I'm not much help, but I know where you're coming from. Good luck.
__________________





Reply With Quote
  #3  
February 8th, 2007, 03:44 PM
Acadia's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 8,377
Well, if they truly believe in God and think that He is good and loving ... you have to ask them this. If God is loving and forgiving, and He knows that you will never be happy in heaven without me, and he also knows that I lived a good life according to what I knew to be true ... why would he send me to hell? If you really think He would send me to hell anyway what does that say about God?

My mother and father are Methodist and they had a conversation with their minister after I asked them that. He agrees that there is a possibility I will go to heaven because he knows me, and knows that I am a good person. And really, my mom says if I wouldn't go to heaven they wouldn't want to be there either.

Honestly, they either believe God is good and forgiving, OR they believe you will go to hell as punishment for your atheism. They need to look into their hearts and decide which one is true. If God is loving and forgiving they can stop worrying about you, because then they'll know you're a kind person doing the best you can, and God will appreciate that. On the other hand, if they truly believe God is selfish and vindictive, and that He will send you to hell regardless of how you conducted your life, they need to ask themselves whether such a god is really worth worshipping at all.

That thought is what keeps them from being hurt. They believe that God will forgive me because I am doing the best I can, and also their grandchildren (there are none yet but I will NOT raise them to believe in any religion), and that they will be with us in heaven if such a place is real.
__________________
<div align="center">




</div>
Reply With Quote
  #4  
February 19th, 2007, 11:49 PM
*kyle*'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Chicagoland
Posts: 5,117
Quote:
my dh's feelings about religion.. he doesn't subscribe to any in particular.. just that there is 'something' out there that made all this, etc. he feels deeply disturbed that if there is a heaven , that he will be alone there for eternity because i don't believe.[/b]
Believing that there may be "something out there" that created all of this is actually pretty far down the spectrum of belief from actually believing in heaven and hell. Your DH appears to be much farther away from agnosticism and closer on the scale to a non-practicing but specifically Christian person.

I point this out because it makes me think that your DH has probably simply accepted what he has heard all his life, that Christian beliefs are true and NOT to be questioned. He is not thinking that, maybe, there could be "something out there" without there ALSO, subsequently, being such a thing as heaven and hell. Or put another way, IF there is "something out there" THEN he is automatically relating that "something" as a Christian god and subsequently giving validation to everything that goes along with it, including heaven and hell.

I hope that makes sense. It is a distinction that will have to guide the way you are relating to him on this. He is not likely to accept broad conversations about the theoretical or hypothetical existence of a fantasy place called heaven, and why humans may have invented such a place for themselves to go after an unfulfilling life and a scary death.

More likely he will respond to you better if you come at him from the standpoint of "Ok, let's assume the existence of a Christian god and a Christian heaven and hell. Now let's talk about what those places might be like and who does and doesn't get in." Which leads me to quote Acadia:

Quote:
If God is loving and forgiving, and He knows that you will never be happy in heaven without me, and he also knows that I lived a good life according to what I knew to be true ... why would he send me to hell? If you really think He would send me to hell anyway what does that say about God?[/b]
See you have to approach him from some kind of common ground, if you just say "well there's no god therefore no heaven so stop worrying about it," he won't get that. He'll shut down.

Good luck! With time and education about atheism many former religious people do come around (myself included).
__________________


Reply With Quote
  #5  
February 20th, 2007, 10:10 PM
kadydid
Guest
Posts: n/a
Great posts everyone!!



I too donít really like the term atheist, because I too donít like defining who I am by what I donít believe in.

It is really hard sometimes to be an atheist around religious people. What I am trying to do is to not put down beliefs (family members) and just try to be as open as I would like other people to be. I really donít care if people believe in god, its when they tell me I am going to burn in hell is when I get uncomfortable.

What you do have going for you is that your hubby does not have a doctrine. I have known people who believe in a god who loves everyone. If he invasions a fair ethical god, then you can say to him (your husband) that if there is a god, he knows why I am an atheist, and he will understand why I came to this decision.

When I left Christianity I could not envision an unethical god like that anymore.

I hope you get it worked out.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
February 21st, 2007, 08:34 PM
mrsgishie's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Federal Way, WA
Posts: 3,846
Send a message via AIM to mrsgishie
Thanks everyone..!! All of your posts have been helpful to me
__________________
<div align="center">Rachel and Dan married since July 4, 2000
DD Sarah Abbey born 9-8-04 (@ 34.3 wks, 5 lbs 1 oz. pre-eclampsia)</div><div align="center">DS Corbin Carroll born 6-29-06 (@ 35.3 wks, 6 lbs 3 oz. pre-eclampsia. emergency c-section)</div><div align="center"><span style="font-family:Franklin Gothic Medium">See MySpace</span></div>
<div align="center"> </div>
Reply With Quote
  #7  
February 24th, 2007, 12:05 AM
*kyle*'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Chicagoland
Posts: 5,117
Quote:
its when they tell me I am going to burn in hell is when I get uncomfortable[/b]
Not me. When someone says I am going to burn in hell, it's the same as if someone said I'm going to be eaten by a dragon tomorrow.

Quote:
I too donít really like the term atheist, because I too donít like defining who I am by what I donít believe in[/b]
Good point, since "atheist" really is "unbelief in god" as its literal translation. However, we do believe in things. We believe in evolution, science, and observable fact.
__________________


Reply With Quote
Reply

Topic Tools Search this Topic
Search this Topic:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 05:16 AM.



Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0