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Missing God


Forum: Atheist and Agnostic Parenting

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  #1  
March 25th, 2007, 07:30 AM
Marieke's Avatar Mommy to an angel
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Location: Canada
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I thought this was really funny :

A couple had two little boys, ages eight and ten, who were excessively mischievous.

The two were always getting into trouble and their parents could be confident that if any mischief occurred in their town, their two young sons were involved in some capacity. The parents were at their wit's end as to what to do about their sons' behavior.

The parents had heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children in the past, so they contacted him, and he agreed to give it his best shot. He asked to see the boys individually, so the eight-year-old was sent to meet with him first. The clergyman sat the boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?"

The boy made no response, so the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God?"

Again the boy made no attempt to answer, so the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face, "WHERE IS GOD?"

At that, the boy bolted from the room, ran directly home, and slammed himself in his closet. His older brother followed him into the closet and said, "What happened?"

The younger brother replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time. God is missing and they think we did it!"
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  #2  
March 25th, 2007, 08:15 AM
Acadia's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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A woman was at the beach with her children when her four-year-old son ran up to her, grabbed her hand, and led her to the shore, where a sea gull lay dead in the sand.

"Mommy, what happened to him?" the son asked.
"He died and went to heaven," the mother replied.
Her son thought a moment and then said, "And God threw him back down?"
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  #3  
March 25th, 2007, 09:36 AM
Marieke's Avatar Mommy to an angel
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LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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IVF #1 (september 2012): 11 eggs, none fertilized, no transfer
IVF ICSI #1 (may 2013), 1 blastocyst: (m/c 7 weeks )
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IVF ICSI #2 (april 2014): 5 eggs, 4 fertilized, 2 bad quality embryos, no transfer
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  #4  
March 28th, 2007, 12:36 AM
*kyle*'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Location: Chicagoland
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Oooh, I have one too!

This guy is walking down the beach when he sees some commotion in the water a few feet off shore. He walks over and sees a large preacher standing in the water surrounded by a bunch of wet people. The guy wades out to see what's going on.
The preacher spots him and says, "Come, my son, and be baptized."
The preacher then takes the guy's head and dunks him under water briefly, pulls him back up and says, "Did you see Jesus?"
The guy says, "Uh, no..."
The preacher dunks him back under for a few more seconds, pulls him up and says, "Did you SEE JESUS?"
The guy says, "No!"
The preacher dunks him back under for several moments, pulls him back up and says, "DID YOU SEE JESUS?"
The guys says, "Are you sure he fell in right HERE?"
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  #5  
March 28th, 2007, 07:58 AM
Marieke's Avatar Mommy to an angel
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LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

More more!!!!
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IVF #1 (september 2012): 11 eggs, none fertilized, no transfer
IVF ICSI #1 (may 2013), 1 blastocyst: (m/c 7 weeks )
FET #1 (october 2013), 1 blastocyst:

IVF ICSI #2 (april 2014): 5 eggs, 4 fertilized, 2 bad quality embryos, no transfer
IVF ICSI #2.1 (coming soon)
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  #6  
March 28th, 2007, 10:42 AM
Acadia's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. So I ran over and said, "Stop! Don't do it!" "Why shouldn't I?" he said. I said, "Well, there's so much to live for!" He said, "Like what?"

I said, "Well, are you religious or atheist?" He said, "Religious."

I said, "Me too! Are your Christian or Buddhist?" He said, "Christian."

I said, "Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?" He said, "Protestant."

I said, "Me too! Are your Episcopalian or Baptist?" He said, "Baptist!"

I said, "Wow! Me too! Are your Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord?" He said, "Baptist Church of God!"

I said, "Me too! Are your Original Baptist Church of God or are you Reformed Baptist Church of God?" He said, "Reformed Baptist Church of God!"

I said, "Me too! Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915?" He said, "Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915!"

I said, "Die, heretic scum!" and pushed him off.
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  #7  
March 29th, 2007, 01:00 PM
Marieke's Avatar Mommy to an angel
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LMAO good one~
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6 IUIs:

IVF #1 (september 2012): 11 eggs, none fertilized, no transfer
IVF ICSI #1 (may 2013), 1 blastocyst: (m/c 7 weeks )
FET #1 (october 2013), 1 blastocyst:

IVF ICSI #2 (april 2014): 5 eggs, 4 fertilized, 2 bad quality embryos, no transfer
IVF ICSI #2.1 (coming soon)
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  #8  
March 30th, 2007, 01:29 AM
*kyle*'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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OK... ha ha, I have a lot of nun jokes because I grew up Catholic. So here's my fave:

One Sunday the local convent received three young girls who were interested in becoming nuns. Mother Superior went to greet the three girls and talk to them about serving the Lord.
Mother Superior says to the first, "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
The first girl says, "I want to be a doctor, so I can help sick people get better."
Mother Superior is pleased and goes on to the next: "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
The second girl says, "I want to be a veterinarian, so I can help animals who are God's creatures."
Mother Superior is again pleased and goes on to the final girl.
"What do you want to be when you grow up?"
The young girl says, "I want to be a prostitute!"

"A WHAT???"

"A prostitute."

"Oh" says Mother Superior. "What a relief! I thought you said a PROTESTANT!"
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  #9  
March 30th, 2007, 08:12 AM
Acadia's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
OK... ha ha, I have a lot of nun jokes because I grew up Catholic. So here's my fave:

One Sunday the local convent received three young girls who were interested in becoming nuns. Mother Superior went to greet the three girls and talk to them about serving the Lord.
Mother Superior says to the first, "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
The first girl says, "I want to be a doctor, so I can help sick people get better."
Mother Superior is pleased and goes on to the next: "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
The second girl says, "I want to be a veterinarian, so I can help animals who are God's creatures."
Mother Superior is again pleased and goes on to the final girl.
"What do you want to be when you grow up?"
The young girl says, "I want to be a prostitute!"

"A WHAT???"

"A prostitute."

"Oh" says Mother Superior. "What a relief! I thought you said a PROTESTANT!"[/b]


My aunt was just re-elected Mother Superior of her order. Do I really need to say that she sends me religious books every Christmas? Sometimes she just doesn't get it. Like when she told my niece that rain was God crying and thunder was the angels bowling. Do you know how freaking excited that kid was when I told her thunder/lightning is actually static electricity!? She thought that was so cool! WHY do people think kids need simplistic made-up explanations!?

Sorry. That incident comes to mind every time I hear the words "Mother Superior".
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  #10  
March 30th, 2007, 10:04 AM
Marieke's Avatar Mommy to an angel
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LMAO oh the prostitute joke was hilarious!
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TTC since August 2008
6 IUIs:

IVF #1 (september 2012): 11 eggs, none fertilized, no transfer
IVF ICSI #1 (may 2013), 1 blastocyst: (m/c 7 weeks )
FET #1 (october 2013), 1 blastocyst:

IVF ICSI #2 (april 2014): 5 eggs, 4 fertilized, 2 bad quality embryos, no transfer
IVF ICSI #2.1 (coming soon)
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