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Well, I'm new to the parenting world. I am 24 years old and have been with my partner for more than 7 years now. We were high school sweethearts and I can't wait to complete our family with children. We currently have four dogs and three cats! (We are animal loves/ adopters: please adopt a pound pet!) I am a senior in college and have been thinking of babies for a few years now. A lot of our friends/ family have little children and I can't wait to be a mother! Not having my mom for most of my life, I think it will pretty much define my life. Being with him has certainly changed my life and I can't wait to continue our life together.
My biggest decision now is when IS the right time and is he the right one? He's more reluctant to having children than I am, but says that his children will be the best, etc, etc, etc, and wants to be Soccer Dad, etc, etc, etc, I need to have more convictions for our dreams and goals, but we're young and I'm sure he's plain ****** scared. He's adamant about waiting... waiting... waiting, but at this point, I'm ready. We had a moment of crisis when we thought we had to take in my 8 and 5 yo nephews for long term care, but that never came through. (I guess that was when I really decided I was ready and want nothing more.)
I do believe he's the one, but am having second-thoughts what with the audience chit-chat in our life, and his postponement. (Having been advised to watch 'He's just not that into you,' and "to leave the 'trailer trash,'" I have decided that we are the Ben and Jennifer story.)
I'm in a lot of pain right now, I guess grief, over the loss of my nephews being moved down here and his reluctance to being a parent with me. We have been going to therapy for awhile (I suffer from a lot of PTSD issues and depression since I was really little, so I say why not talk to someone about it and I know part of him saying we're not ready is him not making the necessary changes and rebelling against the responsibility of life. I also know that me wanting children with him has a lot to do with my own abandonment issues, and my fear of him leaving. Life is so complicated.... ugh. Nonetheless, here we are trucking along together...
Well that's post #1 from me. A lot to think about... penny for your thoughts????
Hi and Welcome! You will find a lot of helpful support here on JM's. There is a board here called "I want a baby but my partner doesn't", if you have not found it already i would recommend introducing yourself there. I think you will find women in similar situations, and even some who now have babies! You are more than welcome to continue posting here as well. We are all in the ttc process.
It sounds like you and your BF have a lot of history, but maybe you should focus on if you want to spend your life with this person. Having a baby puts a lot of pressure on a relationship, and it sounds like you are not 100% sure you want to be with this person. Counseling is a great step in the right direction. Good luck!
Enzo Alexander, Born June 15th 2008, 6lbs 1oz, 20
Hi and Welcome to TTC My name is Emily and my husband Eric and I are TTC #2 - we have a toddler named Keller. It sounds like you have a lot to work through and I second Erin's suggestion of the other TTC board (along with this one) where you may find girls who have similar stories.
One thing to note, and there are some moms here who I'm sure will agree with me, a baby puts more pressure and strain on a relationship - even those that are rock solid. A baby makes you closer, but only after a LOT of stress...just my two cents as someone that wanted to throw her husband off a bridge for the first 4 months of Kellers life But whatever you decide, we are all very fun and supportive girls and would love to have you join us!!
Welcome to JM and the TTC board, Jenn! I'm Jacque, 28, and DH is Jason, 29, and we're TTC our first sticky bean. I'm also the host of this board so please let me know if you need anything!
I hope you and your BF can sit down and discuss everything together. Parenthood is a HUGE step and I personally think both people should be on the same page. Good luck and hope to see you around more! (I also think the board Erin suggested might be another good place for you, too!)
Annalise is hoping to be a big sister on June 28, 2014. Forever missing her big brother, Matthew, stillborn on July 1, 2010.
Hello and welcome! I am new also and have only been here a few weeks. My name is Ashley (25) and Dh is Ryan (28). We have a beautiful 2 year old daughter and are TTC#2 and on cycle #2. I too felt I was ready for a child when we got pregnant with our daughter. We were sooo broke and I was very depressed. Now things are much better. We are married and have a beautiful house in the country. We are so happy and life is pretty good right now. It is amazing how things change once you bring a new little person into the world. I finally feel like it is our turn to shine and soon it will be yours if the time is right. Sometimes a women just knows when she needs a child. It is a natural thing. Good luck to you!
Thanks everyone and nice to meet you! I have already spent hours obsessing over which forum to post in lol, but regardless, based on the amount of tears and dollar bills spent on hpt's, I think it's safe to say I'm TTC. I've been queen of isp and have been TTC since Nov. My dH would like to say he's nTTC but it mos def takes two to BD! I like the fact that I can post in many diff areas though! GL and baby dust to all! I'm in the 2WW yet again and can't wait.... estimated dd would be 10/17...hoping for my little scorpio jr. (dH = scorpio and my family have big hx of giving birth on birthdays).
Maybe he's just scared I know my husband really wanted a baby and he was still super scared!!! He didn't know if he could give up the social life aspect - and you know what...it was only temporary really. We still go to parties and out to dinner and on vacation, it's just a little different!! Welcome to the group!!
This is just my 2 cents, and I'm sure that this will offend some who don't share my old-fahioned Midwestern values.
You said that you have a fear of him leaving...and I think that is understandable because you aren't married. Is that something that you have discussed or something that you both desire? If you are questioning whether he is "the one" or not, having kids definitely shouldn't be the next step.
I ask because TTC and raising a family causes a LOT of stress, and not having a committment from him might cause you even more stress down the road when things get even more hectic. Yes, parenting a child together is a bond, but that doesn't mean that he will be with you forever as your partner. Perhaps working on your relationship and the committment level that you want would be a good first step in providing the stable environment that you want for yourself and for your children?
I know that you and your BF have been together for a long time, but dating as teenagers is different than time spent together as adults. I started dating my DH when we were 14 and 17...we married when I was 20, but we still had a lot of growing up to do. We had to give our relationship time to progress into an adult relationship, and I am so glad that we didn't jump into having kids right away. I will be 29 this summer when we have our first child, and there is no doubt in my mind that we are 100% prepared to be everything that this child needs. I could not have said that 5 years ago.
Sorry, I'm rambling a little, but it really sounds like you and your BF aren't ready for kids yet. Men take longer to grow up than women, and if he is still rebellious and irresponsible, then you need to give him time to get his act together. Counseling is a wonderful thing to do, and it sounds like you are on the right track...just not there yet.
Melissa & DH
IVF babies Claire (4), Abigail (2) and George (2)
Ugh, re-reading this post has me really questioning myself, but really really makes me want to spend hours formulating a response to a lot of the negativity that was just projected into my life. I guess that is why it's hard to really meet and connect with people, because they can't possibly know your situations. I would be better off proving to myself how strong and capable I am, even if I get both of my nephews and get pregnant at the same time, than trying to prove myself to anyone else. No offense, just trying to stand strong in my convictions like my dH stresses I should.
Also, on response to my dH's fear... can anyone relate to their dHs being deathly afraid of hurting an infant? My dH is great with children but only past age 2ish... otherwise he is completely at a loss for what to do... he, however, seems thrilled to be potentially long term placement for my 8 and 5 yo nephews.... I know this is probably common though. Did your dH just instantly gravitate towards strong protective instincts with his newborn? It's so natural like one JM posted above... to want to have a child, the instinct... even my psychiatrist said maybe it's finally time... seems almost like it's easier for a woman to be a parent...