[KristyR]

Ok so I feel like for everyone to understand me, I need to tell you guys something. I never shared my whole story on JM before because of the thought that I was going to be judged. But almost being here for a year off and on and always feeling like I'm hiding something..I just can't do it. So...before I go on..I guess I feel like if I lose you ladies over this then this just wasn't my place but I hope as women we can be understanding and give the support to each other that we need. I am about to confess something that a lot of my friends off line don't even know about. So here it is.

So as everyone knows I do have a 4 year old DS named Zeb that I had in Nov. 2007. I got preg with him on a one night thing with a guy that purposely gave me GHB (a date rape drug) into a drink. I was very surprised that I had got preg for the first time on a one night thing. All my friends and family know this so this isn' t the surprise. I had DS through C-section due to me getting preclampsia at 36 weeks.

Well in 2009 I got preg again...with another DS....this again was another one night thing...I was just again at the wrong place and the wrong time with a loser guy who once I told I was preg had nothing to do with me or the DS and his family even acted like they didn't want to do anything. So...I was a single mom living with my own mom with an almost 2 year old...I knew I couldn't take care of two babies on my own so I did the right thing then for me and gave my baby up (I'm crying right now as I type this) to a loving Christian family. I again had this baby through c-section.


Well later my life changed in a short time.... in spring of 2010 I fell in love with a very sweet guy that I knew was going to be the DH to my son Zeb. I had told him everything that happened to me and he didn't even care he just loved me the same. While we were dating we at first used protection...then we got engaged that summer and pretty much just NTNP and then in Jan of 2011 we got married. In Feb of 2011 I started to keep track of my cycle and we were TCCing until last August. We gave up just after 5 cycles because I got discouraged. I kept thinking to myself "WHY NOW?! Why now that I'm married, in a stable life...why NOW can I not get preg?" I had often doubted myself, my DH, and my faith in God. I actually broke down to DH one night saying God is punishing me for giving up my baby and now I'm being selfish for wanting another one. I often feel this way. I know it's a bad thing to think but why else would it be so hard now? I try to look up c-section scarring but there is no real evidence that c-section scarring causes fertility issues. But now we are back to TCCing and I hope it works this time.

So that's my story...just like to a doctor I wouldn't lie about my past for getting help in something that I need in...so there it is. Am I selfish for wanting another baby? Please tell me that I'm not. Have you ever heard of someone easily getting preg then all of sudden...not?

Thank you ladies in advance for not judging me. Or thinking differently. This was a lot for me to share and very hard.

[kristiemarie518]

Hi! First off there is nothing to judge.

Second, I got pregnant 2 weeks after my last period off of bc and now it's been months and months and nothing. So it's not uncommon.

Take care.

[KristyR]

Thank you

[Belita]

I agree that there's nothing to judge. You did what you felt was the right thing by your second child. I'm sorry it's taking so long for you to get pregnant, but I would try not to think of it as a punishment.

[-Brandy-]

First off, do not feel bad that you did what you felt was best for that baby during that time. And second, do not feel like you are going to be judged here...no judgement on this board

Second, there are many women on here who got pregnant very easily the first time or even multiple times but now struggle to get pregnant. Our bodies change, it just happens. Hopefully those girls will chime in as well to put your mind at ease!

[mclay12]

We are NOT here to judge you!!! And at that time in your life that is what you felt you had to do. I don't think GOD is punshing you and as far as the C-section scaring I have had 3 c-sections that have not affected my fertility issues! But you can always talk to your doctor and see if he thanks you may have excess scaring! We are always here for you and thanks for being honest

[aarafko]

I definitely will not judge you and see you no differently. I personally have gone through alot with my ex in the way of pregnancy and I thought because of those situations and decisions it was God's way of telling me I didn't deserve it. I think he was just telling me the time wasn't right. You will have your baby I know it!

[KristyR]

:hugs: thank you ladies so much. I feel so much better and way more at ease. I'm just feel like I can breath easier now. I'm so glad I have JM to come for support. I'm able to tell you all things that I know for sure people in my off line life would have something negative to say. I'm so happy now...

[Wishinfor2ndblessing]

First off let me commend you. Not every woman who is "in the wrong place at the wrong time" in their life has the courage to allow a caring family who possibly could not have a child or another child of their own adopt. It is not s selfish thing you did by any means. You did a very noble, caring, considerate, and SELFLESS thing. You understood your circumstances, knew that you could not give that child the life that baby needed or the life you wanted for that child. In my book that is anything but selfish, and I thank you for doing that. Seriously, Thank You.

My mom went from girls home to girls home because no one wanted an older child, they usually only adopt babies. So she never got the love of a family that she needed or deserved. It reeked havoc on my mom. I wish my biological grandmother had the courage, strength, and love to give my mother up for adoption; instead of my mom going through years of torture and abuse by her own mothers hand. Instead the extensive emotional damage has taken her almost 50 years to even begin to heal from her childhood.

I do noth believe that God is punishing you by any means. Our God is a loving God. He cares about us and what we are going through. When we trip, fall, or stumble, when we can't possibly manage to take another step on our own; God picks us up, wipes the dust of our pants, wipes the tears of our face, gives us a hug, and carries us the rest of the way. ("When you saw only one set of footprints,it was then that I carried you.") Lean on that Hun!!!! What an amazing God we have that He loves us so much to carry us the rest of the way. His timing is perfect. We may not know why, we may not know when. But know that His way, His time, and His love is PERFECT.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." -Jeremiah 29:11

[Butterbear]

No one has any right to judge you. You did exactly what was right for your family at the time. I am glad you were able to get that off of your chest- we are all here for each other and support each other

[KristyR]

April I see your preg now and I'm so happy for you!!!!

Originally Posted by Wishinfor2ndblessing

First off let me commend you. Not every woman who is "in the wrong place at the wrong time" in their life has the courage to allow a caring family who possibly could not have a child or another child of their own adopt. It is not s selfish thing you did by any means. You did a very noble, caring, considerate, and SELFLESS thing. You understood your circumstances, knew that you could not give that child the life that baby needed or the life you wanted for that child. In my book that is anything but selfish, and I thank you for doing that. Seriously, Thank You.

My mom went from girls home to girls home because no one wanted an older child, they usually only adopt babies. So she never got the love of a family that she needed or deserved. It reeked havoc on my mom. I wish my biological grandmother had the courage, strength, and love to give my mother up for adoption; instead of my mom going through years of torture and abuse by her own mothers hand. Instead the extensive emotional damage has taken her almost 50 years to even begin to heal from her childhood.

I do noth believe that God is punishing you by any means. Our God is a loving God. He cares about us and what we are going through. When we trip, fall, or stumble, when we can't possibly manage to take another step on our own; God picks us up, wipes the dust of our pants, wipes the tears of our face, gives us a hug, and carries us the rest of the way. ("When you saw only one set of footprints,it was then that I carried you.") Lean on that Hun!!!! What an amazing God we have that He loves us so much to carry us the rest of the way. His timing is perfect. We may not know why, we may not know when. But know that His way, His time, and His love is PERFECT.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." -Jeremiah 29:11

Thank you so much...I really needed to hear this. I needed this so badly...thank you a million times for your kinds words and encouragement. *hugs*

[rlh27]

I don't know who could judge you after all that. Your selflessness is so encouraging and the child you gave birth to is now a blessing in a family's life. Your actions are commendable! I don't have anything to add to what the other ladies have said, I just wanted to add my support too! We're here for you on your TTC journey, and we all understand how discouraging it can be. Don't give up hope! You'll have a child in God's perfect time (which I hope is soon for you!)

[RunningMommyTo3]

I'm crying for you right now. You are a WONDERFUL woman who made two very selfless and wonderful decisions for your children. God is not punishing you in any way, and though we may not understand why we have to wait, we can only know that it is in His hands, and it WILL happen when the timing is perfect. During my time TTC, I leaned so heavily on the verse from Jeremiah that Raina shared with you. (((Hugs))), sweetie. I admire you for the decisions you've made and would NEVER judge you!!!!

As for the c-section...I've had 3 c-sections and 1D&C from a m/c, so quite a bit of uteran surgery/procedures. When it started taking us a while to TTC our 4th, my MW did order a HSG for me to check my uterus and tubes. She said they is a very small chance that scarring from the sections can grow over your tubes and create a blockage. Again, this is a VERY small chance. However, it can be worth mentioning this to your dr to see if he'd be willing to do this as just as an abundance of caution. My HSG was completely normal, no abnormalities in the uterus and my tubes were clear and open, but I did get pregnant literally right after the HSG was done. Sometimes just pushing the dye through can clear any "junk" that it may not show on the xrays. Just a suggestion, but I'm sure there's nothing to be concerned about for you!

Also, has your DH been checked at all? Doing a SA may be a good idea since you've been able to conceive easily. It's well worth it to make sure that you both are functioning as needed, instead of just focusing on you first, and then DH. KWIM? GL!!!!

[MAS1313]

I totaly agree with the previous posts from all the ladies. I hope you are able to find comfort and peace soon! HUGS!

[dibbers]

My gosh how can you think yourself selfish??

What a wonderful gift you gave that other family! never forget how happy you made them!

xx

Originally Posted by Wishinfor2ndblessing

First off let me commend you. Not every woman who is "in the wrong place at the wrong time" in their life has the courage to allow a caring family who possibly could not have a child or another child of their own adopt. It is not s selfish thing you did by any means. You did a very noble, caring, considerate, and SELFLESS thing. You understood your circumstances, knew that you could not give that child the life that baby needed or the life you wanted for that child. In my book that is anything but selfish, and I thank you for doing that. Seriously, Thank You.

My mom went from girls home to girls home because no one wanted an older child, they usually only adopt babies. So she never got the love of a family that she needed or deserved. It reeked havoc on my mom. I wish my biological grandmother had the courage, strength, and love to give my mother up for adoption; instead of my mom going through years of torture and abuse by her own mothers hand. Instead the extensive emotional damage has taken her almost 50 years to even begin to heal from her childhood.

I do noth believe that God is punishing you by any means. Our God is a loving God. He cares about us and what we are going through. When we trip, fall, or stumble, when we can't possibly manage to take another step on our own; God picks us up, wipes the dust of our pants, wipes the tears of our face, gives us a hug, and carries us the rest of the way. ("When you saw only one set of footprints,it was then that I carried you.") Lean on that Hun!!!! What an amazing God we have that He loves us so much to carry us the rest of the way. His timing is perfect. We may not know why, we may not know when. But know that His way, His time, and His love is PERFECT.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." -Jeremiah 29:11

This is beautiful -brought me to tears!

[*Anya*]

I think it's incredibly selfLESS to acknowledge that your baby deserves better than what you can provide at the time and let a family that can take over. nothing but love and admiration for you there

As for secondary infetility, like others said it's rather common. I have quite a few friends who had surprise children for their 1st and/ or 2nd but had a harder time with consequent ones. I have no idea if C-section scars would interfere, but honestly I wouldn't be surprised, that's a lot of scar tissue in an organ the size of your fist. Hugs and I hope you are able to get prego soon

[kayakr]

Hello - I usually hang out on a different board, but I wanted to tell you something.
First of all - don't forget. You are God's child. God wants only the best for you and hurts when you hurt. Just as you loved your 2nd DS so much to do the SELFLESS act of sharing him with a family that had it in their heart to desire him, means you loved him like God loves YOU. God would never punish you for that. God is a loving God. Now you be confident in your decision that you made then and what is happening now is not a reflection of your past. K?
So – sounds like you got pregnant pretty easy in the past. Secondary infertility is actually very common. I am dealing with it myself actually. 40% of the time it’s not the women at all it’s the man so I would have him checked out, when he is ready, before you start thinking it’s you. You guys are a team and it’s both of you together, but not being able ttc might be related to a male factor.
I want to wish you the best of luck.

[KristyR]

Originally Posted by RunningMommyTo3

I'm crying for you right now. You are a WONDERFUL woman who made two very selfless and wonderful decisions for your children. God is not punishing you in any way, and though we may not understand why we have to wait, we can only know that it is in His hands, and it WILL happen when the timing is perfect. During my time TTC, I leaned so heavily on the verse from Jeremiah that Raina shared with you. (((Hugs))), sweetie. I admire you for the decisions you've made and would NEVER judge you!!!!

As for the c-section...I've had 3 c-sections and 1D&C from a m/c, so quite a bit of uteran surgery/procedures. When it started taking us a while to TTC our 4th, my MW did order a HSG for me to check my uterus and tubes. She said they is a very small chance that scarring from the sections can grow over your tubes and create a blockage. Again, this is a VERY small chance. However, it can be worth mentioning this to your dr to see if he'd be willing to do this as just as an abundance of caution. My HSG was completely normal, no abnormalities in the uterus and my tubes were clear and open, but I did get pregnant literally right after the HSG was done. Sometimes just pushing the dye through can clear any "junk" that it may not show on the xrays. Just a suggestion, but I'm sure there's nothing to be concerned about for you!

Also, has your DH been checked at all? Doing a SA may be a good idea since you've been able to conceive easily. It's well worth it to make sure that you both are functioning as needed, instead of just focusing on you first, and then DH. KWIM? GL!!!!

I didn't mean to make you cry...thank you for all the wonderful advice and I will def see what I can do. Hopefully DH will want to do a SA. And I am def going to lean as well on that verse. I feel just so much better.

Thank you everyone. I finally starting to feel at peace.

[K.A.T]

First, I'm sorry you're having a hard time now. I hope that it happens for you soon. Second, you are anything but selfish, you are actually selfless. You did something so wonderful for that child and family that most others would not do. You're a very strong woman and will be blessed again some day.

[bryan and nina]

I can only add to this. No one here will judge you!! You did a VERY selfless thing and I wish more women had the courage to do what you did.