[Nicholle ttc]

So, yesterday I went to a neighborhood gathering, where I found out that 8 women on our street are pregnant--not exaggerating, 8! I knew of only 1 pregnancy before I arrived. And of course, some of them were oopses, while DH and I have been trying for 7 months--anyhow. What really upset me was the line of questioning that happened next. One of my neighbors who just had their second child was talking with another neighbor about pregnancy. She then turned to me and stated well are you going to have children, like, in the next five years. I tried to joke with her like, hey what's up with the pressure, just trying to laugh it off. I told her yes, but did not tell her that we were trying. But, I've been crying about it today . I know she has no idea that we are trying, so she doesn't know how painful it is to see every woman pregnant, when, at least at this time, I can't be. I think what bothers me the most is that anyone could tell that this question made me uncomfortable and she didn't back down---like say, oh sorry, I was just curious or anything--she just stared at me and waited for an answer. I told my DH about it and said, what if I don't get pregnant soon, I'll be ostriczed from the neighborhood???? It makes me angry and so sad.


Thank you ladies for letting me vent! XOXO

[lunaverde]

How very aggressive and rude of her! Personally, anytime I have encountered someone who has acted like that in the face of my very obvious discomfort, they are usually jerks. Steer clear of this lady as she has boundary issues and you don't need the added stress of dealing with someone violating your boundaries while TTC.

You have EVERY right to be upset as that lady had no right to question you like that. Having children is a very personal decision and fertility issues have become far more common, so she is the one who needs to be questioned on why she is grilling her neighbors about their personal choices. I am upset for you because I have run into too many people like this and it took me years to get to where I could tell people to back off. It still gives me trouble to do so, but I have come to realize that you have to protect yourself from people like this. They are the ones who are inappropriate and you have every right to tell someone when they have violated your boundaries, made you uncomfortable and need to back off. If they don't, I can almost guarantee they are abusive to their loved ones, otherwise any decent human being would back down the moment they realize they have made another person uncomfortable.

I am sorry you had to deal with that. I hope you can find the courage to defend yourself if there ever is a next time. Hopefully there won't be. As I said, you should just try to avoid her, she will only do everything she can to make you even more uncomfortable. Learned that one the hard way a few times. GL and I wish you the best of luck and the PPTs you can handle!

[Caerus]

People should really learn that it is inappropriate to ask those kind of questions. I know they usually mean well, but seriously, whoever decided that it was okay to ask about someone else's sex life was crazy!

I'm sorry that woman made you feel bad. It is rough enough to be hanging out (especially unexpectedly) with a bunch of pregnant ladies when you are TTC, but to have someone pushing you hurts. I hope you feel a little better now.

[Kissthegirl]

oh girl, I'm so sorry. I totally understand what you're saying and how you feel. Sometimes people are just insensitive and don't think about things as they've never had to go through it.

Take courage and know you can vent here anytime.

[~ Nicole ~]

I am so sorry. I know what its like. We have infertility issues and in the last couple months I had to live with my sister and cousin having babies. I know its really painful and even annoying sometimes especially when someone is having a baby when they are obviously not ready or it was unplanned but I think they don't realize they are hurting you. Since they don't know you have been TTC and feeling down about how long it is taking they probably just assumed you are not even trying. If you were not TTC it is likely what they said to you would not have upset you this much or at all. Rude as they are until people have struggled TTC they don't realize how their words hurt. It maks me so mad when I see people on forums talking about how they will be so upset if they wont have the gender they desire or they only want to have a baby a certain time of year when I would just take any baby any time. But in the mind of someone who can easily conceive to them their pickiness is a reasonable luxery. I know it is so hard seeing that many women pregnant but chances are once you are pregnant there will be women who envy you. The only thing I find that helps is to basically avoid the things that get you down. I intentionally avoided my pregnant sister and cousin and now I avoid their new babies or else I will just feel depressed. I know it might sound bad but you have to do what is best for your emotions. Now that you know these women are like this best to avoid them for the time being until you are yourself pregnant or at peace with your situation or if they are nasty people just avoid them all together.

[Nicholle ttc]

Thank you ladies for your support! I know we all have been through this, but my neighbors comments really hurt this time. I am feeling much better about this and know that one day (hopefully soon) that my day will come to be pregnant! Thanks again!