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My DH doesn't know how much I really want a baby. When he mentioned having another baby a few months ago, he was just wanting to NTNP. Which was fine, until I got my first AF after NTNP. Since then, I have had baby fever bad. I started charting again and taking OPKs. DH teased me and I always brushed it off saying that I just wanted to know what was going on with my cycles, since they've been so wonky postpartum. He didn't care that my charting might result in a pregnancy, but I don't think he really thought much about TTC in earnest.
Now, this isn't our month either and had no idea how strong my reaction would be. I guess I didn't fully realize how crushing my first real BFN would be. The past few months, I've just waited for AF to show and she always did eventually, so I haven't had a lot of excuses to test. I've been on the verge of tears all morning and I feel like I can't talk to DH because "technically" we aren't TTC. He even asked me how the test went and I shrugged it off, like it was no biggie. I didn't want him to see how upset I was because, after all, we're really just NTNP, right?
I want to tell him how devasted I am, but I'm afraid he'll think I'm a loon or, worse, that I was trying to manipulate him into having a baby sooner than we might have if I wasn't charting and obsessing (even though we both believe that we have very little control and that we will be blessed with a child in God's time). In fact, he was the one who brought up having another baby and he had to convince me. But now I'm convinced and wanting a baby so badly.
Honestly, I couldn't/can't NTNP anymore. I can't do this halfway. I don't know how. I know that ultimately we will conceive when we are meant to, but I want to do my part by putting us in the best possible position to receive that blessing. I just don't know what to do. I feel so depressed.
I also feel guilty and ungrateful, because I know so many of you amazing girls have dealt with much worse and for much longer. Here I am whining about not getting my Sunny D baby. I just needed to tell SOMEONE how I really feel and I know you girls have been there and won't think I'm a total dork.
Anyway, sorry for being a boob. I hate being whiney. Now, back to my Easter chocolates.
Brittney you have every right to be disappointed hun. I know even when my DH and I were NTNP, I was disappointed on the cycles where I thought something was different.
And honestly, I am not really a big believer in God, I do believe in the power of prayers and positive thoughts. But my interpretation of God is that s/he made us to make babies. S/he also gave doctors and other scientists who discovered that women's BBTs change based on what part of their cycle they're in and that knowledge helped us figure out how to make babies quicker! That's not bad and it's not wrong to want to make life. God says to be fruitful, so you are doing exactly what you supposed to do. Maybe s/he gave you this burning desire to have another baby and is leaving the doing of it up to you. Remember the old adage, God helps those who help themselves? So spot on true.
I know you are bummed. That's okay! Allow yourself the day to mourn the loss of your hope this cycle. You'll bounce back quicker if you let yourself feel whatever it is you are feeling. I promise.
You are a sweetheart Brittney. Don't beat yourself up. And if you don't want to talk to your DH, talk to us! We are here for you.
Ahhh, yes the chocolate. It has saved my sanity many a days/cycles. I agree with you NTNP is really rough when you really want to try.
I know it would be hard, but you really need to talk to DH and tell him how this is upsetting you. That stress alone can be a problem for conceiving. Do you think he mentioned NTNP because he was trying to convince you? Maybe he wants to try badly also but doesn't want to get shot down.
He's asking you, so he does care.
I know how you feel and anytime you need to vent, it's okay that's what we are here for. I actually have been feeling the ungrateful feeling as well (although you are not ungrateful), I know a bfn hurts rather you have been TTC for 1 month or for several, in my experience the hurt eventually turned to anger and fear as I continued to see bfn's ttc ds. But at some point it turned into, that it is what it is type of feeling.
At the same time I feel like I haven't been here that long and it's not "my turn" yet, like I said before I haven't even prayed for my own bfp yet because I want to pray for everyone else first, I want to see those who have been here for too long to get there bfo before me, and I think I would feel guilty if I got a bfp anytime soon. Even though we are not in control of that, it's human to feel that way.
On the other side of it, my situation is a little different than yours, my dh wasn't on board with TTC and then one day we talked about it again and he was ready, now he is the one who is excited about it and I am nervous. Of course every cycle I get excited to test, and then it's bfn and I try to stare a line into the test but it remains bfn, Im sad, af comes and I'm over it.
I think I am trying to detach myself form the emotional side of TTC and just have fun with it right now, I don't want to become who I was when I was TTC Isaac, I don't want to go through that again. I already know we likely have a long road ahead, and I just started this Journey so I don't want to wear myself out just yet. I also know this one will likely be our last one, so the next bfp I get will be the last one I will ever see, and that makes me sad too. Obviously I will be excited to see one again, but I think it's a little hard to know this chapter will close, not to mention as soon as I do get bfp then that starts a whole new drama with beta's and ultrasounds...very stressful.
I think lately I have been getting a little crazy on the TTC thing, and I can already see the downward spiral ahead, so I think if we don't get pg this cycle, I will take a break for awhile and focus on something else, thinking about doing the p90x and putting my FF account on hold, it might be better for this time to take little breaks here and there. TTC and my losses really affected everything last time, even my marriage. We are closer now and we know we can handle this, but we have already accepted that Isaac might be our only one together as we don't think we want to try clomid or anything else. But if I do end up taking my break from TTC, I will still be around to cheer you all on.
I'm sorry you're so upset I'm sure that if you took DH and talked to him about how much you really to want to TTC this baby he would totally understand! I mean since he is the one who originally had to convince you to even start trying for one in the first place, he might be thrilled! Just remember to take a step back and when the time is right, you'll get your eggo preggo We're all here for you girl!
Aww i'm sorry hun. You have every right to be upset and cry it out if you need too. I agree, you should really talk to DH. Back several months ago when we were just NTNP and I was late so I tested and it was bfn, so I showed the test to DH and so that he could so that and I was trying to pretend that idc, etc but then he could see that I was upset and asked what was wrong and I told him I just really wanted it to be positive and was sad about it and he said that he was too. Alot of times I'm afraid to talk to DH, not that we don't have a good bond, just for the reasons like you said, he'll think i'm crazy, etc but then I end up talking to him anyways and he always gives me a much better reaction then I would've thought!! Sorry this ended up being long I just wanted to share my story with you so that maybe you would feel better about talking to DH :Hugs:
You are all so sweet that you have me in tears again! I know I haven't been posting on here for long, but I feel so lucky and blessed to have met this group!
Thank you for letting me boo-hoo to you all for a minute. I really am grateful that we are even "trying" at all (I had to practically beg DH to try with our first two). I've had a little cry and now I'm going to "buck up, li'l camper" and press on! I'm going to talk to DH today and see what he thinks about throwing caution to the wind and giving really TTC a try!
I'm going to keep testing over the next couple of days, but I'll send all my (seemingly) unused baby dust on to those of you entering the TWW or waiting to O. I still wanna see a bunch of beautiful BFPs in the upcoming days and weeks, ladies!
Aww don't cry, I really hope your dh agrees to throw caution to the wind, has he just not been wanting to bd during most of the fertile time?
I also wanted to add that I know I did not TTC Isaac for as long as some have been TTC in here, we did get pg the first month TTC and that was bding only one time, without opks or anything else. That's kinda what I am used to as my other children from ex dh years ago were all conceived very quickly without opks or charting. But later with new dh it seemed like once we lost that one it became more difficult every cycle to get pg again, and of course stay pg. I just wanted to clarify that, not to make it sound like we TTC for years or anything. It is so weird to go from never having to really think about tying to get pg, to having to use opk's just have a chance. Anyways, baby dust to you all.
I really hope your dh agrees to throw caution to the wind, has he just not been wanting to bd during most of the fertile time?
He just gives me mixed signals. Like he got out a condom when we were gonna DTD the other night and I was like, "Wha...? I thought we weren't preventing?" I don't know if it was intentional or just habit (I haven't been on the Pill or an IUD for a could of years). We didn't end up using it, but of course I read more into it than I needed to.
He talks about babies all the time and we even bought a minivan this week (our old, paid-off car just pooped out). My fingers are crossed that we can really go for it this cycle! I'm feelng optimistic now!
YAY!! You should feel excited about it! I mean if you have a mini van you gotta fill that puppy up with babies How exciting! I'm excited for you ha ha! I have a good feeling about this next cycle!
I think some men are just uncomfortable expressing how much they may want to have another baby. Our society sends so many mixed signals to men these days anyway about how they should act and feel. You probably should talk to him and find out where he stands. Chances are, he wants this just as much as you do, but guys aren't wired like we are, so he just doesn't get how badly you want this and doesn't know how to express it.
I had to explain this to my DH last night because he wanted to go back to NTNP and I was like NO WAY!!! He thought TTC was getting too hard for me and so I had to explain to him that NTNP again would not help and would probably make me even more anxious. I explained to him about the rainbow baby concept and that was how I felt about getting preggers again. It wasn't just about getting healthy and making a baby, it was another way for me to move past the last three years and live our lives the way we had always planned. I was tired of feeling like we had put everything on hold to deal with the crises and now that it was over and done with, I wanted to start moving forward again.
When I explained all of that to him, I think he finally got it. I told him I knew it was irrational, but not getting pg felt like I had done something wrong and was being punished. I usually only feel like that after the 2ww. Once my new cycle starts, I am good again. TTC is hard and it's not fair because so many deserving women never conceive or it takes them years to get their BFP. It wreaks havoc on our emotions because I think we all think we are being punished to some extent when we see a BFN instead of the BFP we were hoping for. We have just got to remember (me too, I forget all the time lol) that there is only a 1 in 5 chance to conceive every cycle and the best we can do is make the conditions as favorable for conception as possible.
GL Britt! I know everything will work out for you. You have a wonderful DH who seems like he adores his beautiful wife and would do anything to make her happy!
I think some men are just uncomfortable expressing how much they may want to have another baby. Our society sends so many mixed signals to men these days anyway about how they should act and feel. You probably should talk to him and find out where he stands. Chances are, he wants this just as much as you do, but guys aren't wired like we are, so he just doesn't get how badly you want this and doesn't know how to express it.
I had to explain this to my DH last night because he wanted to go back to NTNP and I was like NO WAY!!! He thought TTC was getting too hard for me and so I had to explain to him that NTNP again would not help and would probably make me even more anxious. I explained to him about the rainbow baby concept and that was how I felt about getting preggers again. It wasn't just about getting healthy and making a baby, it was another way for me to move past the last three years and live our lives the way we had always planned. I was tired of feeling like we had put everything on hold to deal with the crises and now that it was over and done with, I wanted to start moving forward again.
When I explained all of that to him, I think he finally got it. I told him I knew it was irrational, but not getting pg felt like I had done something wrong and was being punished. I usually only feel like that after the 2ww. Once my new cycle starts, I am good again. TTC is hard and it's not fair because so many deserving women never conceive or it takes them years to get their BFP. It wreaks havoc on our emotions because I think we all think we are being punished to some extent when we see a BFN instead of the BFP we were hoping for. We have just got to remember (me too, I forget all the time lol) that there is only a 1 in 5 chance to conceive every cycle and the best we can do is make the conditions as favorable for conception as possible.
GL Britt! I know everything will work out for you. You have a wonderful DH who seems like he adores his beautiful wife and would do anything to make her happy!
Luna, could you be any sweeter?! I think I will just sit him down and figure out where we stand. At least then I won't be guessing at what he's feeling and thinking. I just know that you will get your rainbow baby! I can't wait for you to get your BFP!
Quote:
Originally Posted by LaceyMay2630
YAY!! You should feel excited about it! I mean if you have a mini van you gotta fill that puppy up with babies How exciting! I'm excited for you ha ha! I have a good feeling about this next cycle!
Hahaha! That's what I said! Hopefully this cycle will be the one for the Sunny D babies (if the testing this weekend doesn't pan out, of course)!
I am glad that you are sharing those feelings here. I had a very similar reaction when I got my last AF and my DH didn't seem to understand because he is much more relaxed about the process. I am not at all relaxed about the process. Once I decided that I was ready for another child I was ready right that moment. It has been about a week since I got AF and I am just now getting over being sad about not having a December baby. (Actually that isn't true because if I got pregnant this cycle my EDD would be early Jan so there is a chance the baby might come in December-haha)
I think it was good for my DH to see me be upset about it because he seems to be taking TTC more seriously now. You might have the same experience.
But, I am still holding out hope for you this cycle. Your test today was still really early. I know we see a lot of early BFP tests on this board, but I do think that lots of women don't get a BFP until around 14 dpo.
I am glad that you are sharing those feelings here. I had a very similar reaction when I got my last AF and my DH didn't seem to understand because he is much more relaxed about the process. I am not at all relaxed about the process. Once I decided that I was ready for another child I was ready right that moment. It has been about a week since I got AF and I am just now getting over being sad about not having a December baby. (Actually that isn't true because if I got pregnant this cycle my EDD would be early Jan so there is a chance the baby might come in December-haha)
I think it was good for my DH to see me be upset about it because he seems to be taking TTC more seriously now. You might have the same experience.
But, I am still holding out hope for you this cycle. Your test today was still really early. I know we see a lot of early BFP tests on this board, but I do think that lots of women don't get a BFP until around 14 dpo.
Thanks, Purple. I'm sorry you had to experience something like this. It's so heartbreaking. I was really caught off guard by how upset I was. I wouldn't wish that kind of disappointment on anyone. Hopefully, the next cycle will be yours! I'm sending lots of hugs and baby dust your way!
I'm holding out a little hope for a later BFP, but I'm scared to hope too much. I guess we'll see over the next couple of days!
Dh wasn't on board with me for a long time! I'm not sure he's even 100% in it now. He's doing the same thing, kind of ignores me when I'm going on and on about symptoms and what he should be doing to make it easier. Sometimes guys just don't get it. And they deff don't have the maternal instincts we do. They don't crave parenthood the way we do, or at least most of them don't. That's why there are places like this. Good luck to you, you've been so kind and supportive to me in this weird cycle I've had this time, and I'm always here for you too! As well as all the other ladies here. <3
I love the Sunny D baby thing. I still need to see Juno tho. LOL I have a long list of movies I haven't seen yet.
And Brittney, I am sending you lots of baby dust and PPTs. If this isn't your cycle, then the next one for sure. But I still have FX this is it for you.
Dh wasn't on board with me for a long time! I'm not sure he's even 100% in it now. He's doing the same thing, kind of ignores me when I'm going on and on about symptoms and what he should be doing to make it easier. Sometimes guys just don't get it. And they deff don't have the maternal instincts we do. They don't crave parenthood the way we do, or at least most of them don't. That's why there are places like this. Good luck to you, you've been so kind and supportive to me in this weird cycle I've had this time, and I'm always here for you too! As well as all the other ladies here. <3
Thank you, Cyndi. I think you're right. Sometimes it takes men a little longer to get onboard with having babies (though I find mine is more than happy to try to make them ).
I've really enjoyed getting to know you through your posts and I'm so thankful for your support and encouragement! You're such a great person, I can tell, and I have a feeling you'll be getting a BFP soon!
It also took me a long time to convince my DH to have a second nearly a year and he doesnt seem bothered not sure if he knows how bad I want a second he doesn't want to know about opks and that so I'm glad this board is here to vent although I don't post here as much as I would like i just pray we got our bfp's soon x
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Brittney you have every right to be disappointed hun. I know even when my DH and I were NTNP, I was disappointed on the cycles where I thought something was different. 
Oct '11 
How exciting! I'm excited for you ha ha! I have a good feeling about this next cycle!
Good luck! KUP!!! 
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