[amcashes]

My soon to be and I were on facebook today and saw there was a brand new baby joining our friends family he was born at 8 pounds 15 ounces. With in a few posts we also saw that another one of our friends is going to have a baby join their family in about 9 months. Some how all that turned into him telling me that it is my fault that we have not gotten pregnant. Is it just my soon to be or is it all men that get this way during ttc?

[Grace]

I don't know, my dh never blamed me for it taking awhile or our losses. In fact he always blamed himself, he really felt he had a low sperm count or something wrong with him. I never blamed him, I think doing that just adds more stress to the relationship that is already strained under the pressures of TTC, your suppose to work with each other, not against each other. I am sorry he said that, how long have you two been TTC?

[amcashes]

Only about a month and a half

[Grace]

I know no matter how long you are trying for rather it be 1 month or 1 year, it's hard to see a bfn, but at the same time it can take awhile for it to happen. Even under perfect timing it still isn't a guarantee. Please don't take this wrong but he shouldn't place blame on you, you have no control over it happening or not when you TTC, you can only do so much. Maybe he needs to read up on it so he can see just what all is involved in it and then he might understand that it's not something that always happens right away. We have had a cycle that resulted in pg from dtd one time (loss) and other cycles that we dtd with opk's and such and nothing happened. It happens when it's meant to happen. I hope you get your bfp soon.

[Lucky Mama]

You can only do so much to help your chances on conceiving. I'm willing to bet he's just upset about not conceiving right away. Men may pretend to be stoic and manly, but they have emotions and desires to, even when it comes to TTC. I think a lot of them act nonchalant, but on the inside they are balls of TTC stress like we are.

That being said, that's no excuse for him to treat you like that. Maybe this could be a good time to start a dialogue about how TTC affects both of you and set some realistic expectations.

Hugs sweetie.

[lunaverde]

Grace and Brittney have said it so well.

I second having your SO read up on what exactly it takes to conceive. For him to blame you will do nothing but actually stress YOU out more, and that will make conceiving even harder. I am sure he didn't mean for it to come out that way (I hope so, giving him the benefit of the doubt), but bfns are always hard for everyone involved, so hopefully he was just feeling off and hopefully he doesn't really feel that way.

And I am not trying to belittle your experiences since you've only been TTC for a month an a half, but the average length it takes for a healthy couple to conceive is usually about six months and can take even longer sometimes. That's normal. (I've was NTNP for 22 before and now the last two cycles we are fully TTC) For him to lay any blame on you after so short a time seems like he might have some very unrealistic expectations of what exactly it takes to make a baby. Guys are so weird because they think all they have to do is get their swimmers in and bam! you're preggo. It's far more complicated than that!

I don't envy you the conversation you're going to need to have with your SO. But I do think it needs to happen so he doesn't keep blaming you because that could cause problems for your relationship. He needs to be supportive and understanding right now to help you stay happy and calm.

GL, hun. KUP and I'll be sending you tons of PPTs.

[Ravado]

The other girls gave you some great advice. Most likely it is neither of your faults, but just that you will need a couple more cycles. Heck, I thought I knew what I was doing but after temping a couple cycles I think I was BDing a little early to give us the best chance. He may just be worried that it will not be easy for you two to get pregnant and just expressing his concerns poorly. Some guys place too much stock in their ability to get their girl preggos with their manliness. Hopefully just explaining the process to him will open up a dialog and help him understand. You could even mention how him saying that to you is hurtful. Sometimes boys just don't realize what they are saying could hurt your feelings. GL!

[amcashes]

Sorry I had to jump off so fast last night ladies. The tornado hit not even a mile away from my house. I had to get the kids and all in our shelter. We were very lucky not to be hit.

I am starting to think it had to be the stress of it all that got to him. Because I think that he thought it was going to happen right away. I am breathing easier because he did apologize to me for saying such a thing and making me cry. I don't think he knew how bad saying something like that can cut.

[Lucky Mama]

I'm glad he apologized and glad you're okay after such a close call with a twister! SCARY!

I really think some people, men in particular, tend to handle stress like this poorly. Especially when it's something they can't control or make better. Men want to be the provider and problem solver for the women they love. Hopefully you'll get your BFP soon and both of you can relax and enjoy a H&H nine months! Hugs!

[amcashes]

To be honest I think he apologized because of the tornado. We were in two different cities when it hit. I really think it made him think about our family. As for him handling stress I am not to sure how he handles it he goes into a shell and will not talk about it normally.

[Caerus]

Gosh, I'm glad y'all are okay. Mother Nature can throw some scary curveballs.

Even with an apology, I'd have the conversation that Luna suggested. The importance of communication in SO relationships really can't be overemphasized. He needs it explained why what he said hurts so much, to help him not make the same mistake next time he gets stressed out.

Guys are different from us, and one of the things I've had to learn is that, as much as DH loves me, he can't read my mind. I've always known that, logically, but, for example, if I'm upset that he left a lot of dishes in sink after dinner, I can't just say the kitchen would look much nicer if the dishes were done or that I'm so tired from work that I just want to sit down. If I'm upset about something (or he's upset about something) we have to talk it through to understand how the both of us feel. Then we can come up with a plan together.

Hope that helps.

[KristyR]

Are you in Oklahoma girl? I'm in Tulsa and I know not far from here a whole town almost got flattened last night.

Anyways..glad you and your family made it! I'm sorry about your SO...I've had my DH be a pain about TTCing but he hasn't said anything like I'm the blame for not getting preg. He has said he knew he didn't have a problem with getting me preg because we have had some chemicals...so he said once "well I know it's not me because I can get you preg" but I don't think he meant it in a mean way or anything...he said it just matter of factly...like a man...

[lunaverde]

glad you are ok after such a scary situation!! I am also glad your SO apologized! Hopefully you can have a chance to sit down and talk everything out. I've found that the more DH and I discuss the hardships of TTC with each other, the better both of us feel, even if we are saddened because it hasn't happened for us yet.

Anyway, sending PPTs for your family.

[amcashes]

As for us talking about TTC... he doesn't want to talk about it. But he did say that we needed to "be teenagers again" when it comes to the baby dance. He said as of late we have been just going through the motions and I do agree that is what we have been doing.

No I am in Wichita, Kansas. Oaklawn, Kansas is kind of like a city in our city and all today no one was able to get in or out the police wouldn't let anyone because it is way to dangerous.

Here is a little of the damage that was caused by my house. It has been cleaned up a lot though.