[Lucky Mama]

Took another test to morning, just to be sure. Sure enough, it was BFN. No tears today, as I knew it was coming. So, I either had faulty tests (the retailer is checking with the manufacturer) or I had a chemical pregnancy.

I don't know if the LH surge I caught on my OPKs was ovulation or the hormone from a chemical pregnancy. I guess I'll know eventually, depending on how long it takes AF to arrive. Either way, though, it doesn't matter. DH refused to BD last night. He still says he wants a baby sometime, but doesn't want to "try" for one.

I broke down and told him that NTNP is so hard for me. I want to keep track of my cycles because they have been so erratic and I want to at least make sure I'm ovulating. But then, if I know I'm ovulating, I can't help but want to BD to give us a shot at a BFP, but then that would be "trying."

I told him I would rather prevent than NTNP. It's just to emotional for me to be in limbo about the whole thing. I was crying. DH got upset and said that he feels I'm pressuring him into getting pregnant, even thought his whole thing was his idea. It didn't help that he kept insisting I must be pregnant because I'm so emotional. I wish that were the case.

For now, my heart just aches. I don't even know if I'm mourning the loss of a baby that was never there at all or the loss of a baby that will never grow enough to be born. Even though it's silly, I already miss my Christmas Eve "baby."

So, at least for now, it sounds like I'm not really TTC after all. I'm going to be temping and charting my CM/CP, but no more IC OPKs or HTPs for me. I'm also done testing early. I don't want to go through this ever again.

If there is a silver lining through this whole thing, it's that I've met all of you amazing ladies! You have all been so incredibly supportive and kind. You've listened to my whining and indulged my goofiness. You've offered congratulations and consolations through this whole rollercoaster. I feel privileged and blessed to have had the opportunity to meet such wonderful people, even if it is "just online."

So, I hope you don't mind if I hang around; post on the board and sprinkle some baby dust and watch all of you get your BFPs, because at this point, you're gonna have a hard time getting rid of me!

[Ravado]

I am so sorry you and DH are not on the same page and that you had to go through a rash of BFPs. It is just a cruel joke to get the second lines just to find out it is not going to result in a baby. Just know we are all here for you.

I hope you do stick around. I for one would miss your goofiness and positive attitude.

[Purple_cat]

Brittney,

My heart is aching with you. All your tests are so confusing to me. I am not quite sure what else to say but I am thinking about you.

[LaceyMay2630]

Awe hun I'm sorry I wish I had the magic words to make you feel better. I would continue to chart and track your cycles for sure! And I know I have enjoyed having you on here, and would be devastated if you left! You have the best personality Keep your head up and I'm sure you'll get your BFP soon!

[Lucky Mama]

You girls are so sweet! I feel so attached to you all already. I can't imagine leaving the board!

And Lacey, we still need to try for our Sunny D babies!

[E_P_Baby_Makes_3]

Oh you absolutely have to stick around!!! You've been a tremendous source of encouragement for me with my whole crazy 2ww. You need to take care of you, and you need to do what feels right. NTNP maybe isn't such a bad thing. I think you can have both - charting, being proactive about understanding your cycles while also encouraging BDing on important days. I have found in my own marriage that my husband doesn't really want to know about the charts or calendars or tips and tricks. He just wants to hurry up and get to the pregnant part. It's hard for him, because he doesn't understand why this isn't so easy. What we've chosen to do is have me keep track of my ovulation days, and initiate BDing on key days. The other times are just for fun. It takes some of the pressure off him to "perform." It's worked out for us.

I'm sorry you've had such an emotional journey these last few days, but it will get better!

[Grace]

Im sorry hun, but I agree with the others as well, NTNP can be just as successful if you are watching you fertile signs and temp. Just bd like you normally would and once you noticed the "signs" try to bd a bit more without talking about babies, pg's, charts and so on. I think men just like the more natural approach to pg, they don't like anything too complicated and a woman's body has to be the most complicated thing to understand, besides a woman's emotions. TTC seems to end up being very time consuming and eventually all consuming. From reading charts, to peeing on opks and hpts, my dh doesn't really want to hear about all of that either. But for us it's a little bit reversed because he just wants to get on with it, and I tend to get really nervous about it, I am a planner and we had many years to plan our ds, I kinda feel like I don't have "many" years again as we don't want the kids to far apart in age, so this bring about a huge amount of stress to me. I am sure that helps my fertility a lot lol. I am so glad you are staying, we all have become pretty attached to you now

[Super - Mommy]

You need to stay! And I agree with Grace, NTNP can be just as successful! Just try to DTD more a couple weeks after AF when you could be ovulating.

[LaceyMay2630]

Originally Posted by Lucky Mama

You girls are so sweet! I feel so attached to you all already. I can't imagine leaving the board!

And Lacey, we still need to try for our Sunny D babies!

Ha ha you know I'm going to definitely be trying for that! Sunny D and Pineapple baby!

[ninja_mommy]

Sorry the talk didn't go as well as you liked. but at least you have come to an understanding now. I bet you get pregnant real fast, so if DH isn't ready he either needs to protect or shut it! Just remember it was his idea and it takes two to get pregnant. And yes, stay around!

[Hopolka]

Hi hun, I don't know that we've really met but I was on the TTC board a few months ago. I'm Hannah!

I just wanted to say that I'm sorry your heart aches so and that DH is contemplative about TTC. I, like you, wanted to chart just for reassurance that I was indeed ovulating and things were working the way they should, even if a BFP wasn't in sight.

I hope you take all the time you (and DH) need to figure things out and I'm glad you're thinking about sticking around. I love reading your posts. I've been stalking from the Nov. DDC praying for all you ladies to get BFPs and reading inspiring and heartfelt stories in the process.

Anyway, best wishes for you! And I'll continue to check in on you and see how things are coming...

[Aillidh]

I'm so sorry you definitely should stick around, I love reading your posts and advice! Hopefully you get your BFP soon!

[LoriLou35]

I know that for a while it was easier for DH if I just didn't talk about the charting, temping, CM, etc. It just all seemed like too much for him. I think it is pretty common for men to feel a little overwhelmed with all the "mechanics" of TTC. We finally really talked about how he was feeling, and his main concern was that with all of this "extreme effort" I was putting into TTC he was worried that I would be devastated by a BFN. Just keep TTC, but let DH think you are NTNP.

[Purple_cat]

Brittney,

I saw on your siggy that you are on CD 2, is that right? Did AF show up for you or are you still in limbo? (sorry, you don't have to answer that if you don't want to, but I was just wondering if that was accurate)

[Caerus]

Brittney, I'm so sorry that you and DH aren't in agreement. I don't think guys really understand how we feel about TTC, even if they really want a baby too. They just don't have to deal with the hormones that drug us with visions of babies!

As others have said though, don't count yourself out of the running. Keep up with monitoring yourself, having a roll in the hay with DH on those important days, and it will definitely happen! And since you aren't testing like crazy, you won't have to deal with the heartache of those early BFNs.

<3

[Susan27]

to everything the other ladies have said.

[lunaverde]

Brittney! I was so sure this was it for you. But I understand. Getting your hopes up can be devastating (and you got faint bfps too... I can only imagine how heart wrenching this was!).

I am glad you are sticking around though. I really enjoy your posts and goofiness.

[CyndiBear]

I would be heartbroken if you left us. You may be one of my favorite people, internet or not!

I'm in the same boat as you with DH. I find that if he thinks were NTNP, its easier for me to TTC. Men just don't understand....they don't plan like we do. Best advice I can give you is just let it blow over. Relax for a cycle or two then suggest ntnp again. You'll both feel better and refreshed after a little break.

[Nicholle ttc]

I'm so sorry Brittany. Hopefully DH will be ready to really try again soon. Good luck sweetie!

[MAS1313]

I am sorry hun Sometimes I wish I could "unlearn" the fertile signs...and just forget about it.

I agree with the other ladies that men just don't "get it"....for whatever reason, not their hormones, too stressful for them, etc.

I sure hope you stick around and keep us company anyways