[Kissthegirl]

Ladies, lots of things are going through my mind right now, and I just wanted to take a minute and share, for those of you who are bored and want to read a novel this morning.

Yesterday was a really bad day for me. All around, until last night. But yesterday morning when Joel & I woke up and I tested, then saw the BFN, I immediately fell into this deep sadness that was just intolerable. I cannot express how excited we both were test; we hadn't slept all night really. After the BFN, those dreadful questions of “what’s wrong with us?” haunted me all day. To make matters so much worse, a co-worker of mine came up to me yesterday morning and wanted to apologize for what he said this past Friday to me (which, he had made a comment on Friday, as I walked by him that morning with a doughnut on a plate, he just looked at me and smiled, and I said playfully, “don’t judge me” and then shoved the doughnut in my mouth, and he says – in front of like 10 people – “Yeah, you’re eating for two, we know.” He said it playfully & jokingly too, and I know that, so I just laughed it off and said “whatever”)…. Well, yesterday morning, he comes up to me as I am all alone downstairs working on my laptop, and says, “Hey, I’m really sorry if I offended you on Friday.” and was indeed sincere. But the mood I was in yesterday morning just got the best of me and I started tearing up and couldn’t even say anything back to him. He says, “Did I hurt your feelings on Friday?” And I choked out, “Yeah, you did.” He then said he of course didn’t mean to, and I told him I knew he didn’t. Then I started crying, and he says, “do I need to walk away?” And I said, “yeah, that’d be best.” Then went into the bathroom crying my eyes out.
THEN………… another co-worker, who’s on his team, comes out to where I am YESTERDAY, and by this time I’m all dried up… but she strikes up convo with me, then asks me if I’m feeling ok, I said, “I’m fine”, and then she jokingly asks, “Are you pregnant?”

Oh my freaking gosh! Like seriously, when did it become appropriate to ask women about their personal life and if they’re pregnant? I mean, not to be a jerk, but I’m a 125lb girl, 5’7” tall and I don’t look close to pregnant, so why do people feel like they need to ask that? The next person that seriously asks me that, I’m taking them to HR. Not even kidding. I’m done with that conversation. Ruuude.

So, yesterday was pretty rough all around. Then, last night, Joel & I went to church as we, along with another couple at our church, have started up this new worship/devotional time on Tuesday nights to try and bring young people ages 18-40, into our church and grow it more. As Joel lead worship, and I was in the back doing the projection for the songs, & as I was just reading the lyrics to the songs, I literally felt immediate peace, and renewed strength. I felt my mind and heart just rest. I was just chillin in the back, while everyone else was singing along with the songs, I could feel my heart worshiping and saying that ‘I know you’re faithful, Lord’. (ugh, tears at work! Happy tears though! ) I’m thankful for this renewed strength, and I’m so thankful that my God is faithful no matter what struggles we go through.

So this morning, I’m spotting and I had a huge temp dive as well. Great combo.
I’m thinking that the 97.18 temp on CD17 was correct after all, and that I Oed around CD17, instead of CD15, b/c my temp has never shot up like it did on CD16 and then shot back down on CD17. Plus too, I finally got a neg opk on CD17, so I think I Oed closer to CD17, which would put us DTD 2 days before that. Not awesome odds.

For those of you that know about this job opportunity with Joel, well he heard back yesterday, and the company (which is where I work actually… Did I ever mention that? ) called him back and want him to come in AGAIN and interview with our VP & Director of the department… so it’s a big deal. I didn't even get to interview with the VP. If they love him, he’ll more than likely get the job. So exciting, and I’m praying hard for this!!!!

Anyways… that’s about it. I can’t say thank you enough to you girls. I pray many blessings on you all, and that peace will just overtake all of us as we’re on this journey. I know our times are coming soon. I know and have full faith in that. Eh, so sorry for being negative and unhopeful yesterday. I know that everyone has those times, but I never want to ‘rub off’ my negative feelings to you girls, b/c this journey is hard enough. Thank you all for your words of encouragement and for being my positivity yesterday. I just heart you girls so much!

[mal91011]

I'm glad you were able to find some peace. And AGAIN please do not apologize for being upset. We all deserve to be upset at points during this process. Seriously - it's like the hardest journey any of us will ever take!

Have you made a decision on the doctor?

And Fxed for Joels interview!!! When do you think you guys will hear something?

[RunningMommyTo3]

I'm so glad to hear you're in better spirits this morning. I typed a long reply on your other thread about the HSG, so I won't rehash all of that here, but I do want you to know that I'm always here for you, Michelle. Please feel free to PM me here or on FB anytime you need to. I know it's daunting at times to be where you are in the stage of TTC, but you're right that God IS faithful. Love you, girl!!! (((HUGS)))

[-Brandy-]

Michelle you are such an amazing person and your strength never ceases to amaze me. Each month you get beat up and then come back with even more faith. I love this about you, it is so nice being with you/following you on this journey. Your spirit is contagious and you definitely infect JM boards with it.

So prooud of you!

[Purple_cat]

I love reading your updates and you never need to apologize for having a rough day and sharing your thoughts and feelings here. That is one of the things that I love about this board, everyone here is very understanding and it is good to have a place to share our ttc frustrations.

I'm sorry that your co-workers were saying such strange things at work. I'm hoping that they just don't realize how stressful ttc can be. I don't think that I fully appreciated the heartache that could come with ttc until I was in that boat myself. Some of the other ladies might have better ideas of what you can do at work because I would probably just start crying anytime someone brought it up.

I am excited that Joel got another interview! I hope that it goes well! You both are still in my thoughts and prayers.

[LaceyMay2630]

So glad that you're doing better Michelle. I know how it is to work with people that just don't know when to stop talking. Keep your head up hun you're such a strong lady, I really admire you for that

[rlh27]

I'm glad you're doing better today! And hooray about Joel's job situation! I hope this next interview goes well for him.

And if anybody makes a stupid, ignorant, and rude comment to you at work again, I'll come after 'em for you

I wanted to assure you that just because it's taking you longer than many to get pregnant doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. You are no less a woman and Joel is no less a man for going through this. Even seeking a little extra help doesn't make you less of a woman. It just means getting some answers. Hooray for modern medicine that can help couples out! You are both Godly examples, and such an encouragement to all of us that know you here. And if you didn't have this trial, you wouldn't be able to be that example to us. God will show Himself faithful to you, even as He takes you through this trial first. I can't wait to see what this cycle brings for you!

[Lucky Mama]

Oh, honey. You don't need to apologize for being upset. That's what is board of for. You are so positive and supportive of others, it's okay to breakdown every once and while. That's why we're here.

I know you are a spiritual person, so I hope you don't mind if I share some religious feelings with you.

I believe in God and I know he loves all of us as His children. I know He wants to bless us with our righteous desires. The desire you have to be a mother is a righteous desire! I know that God loves you and hears your prayers. He knows and understands your struggles and the pain you are feeling. I know God will bless you for your faithfulness. I don't know when or how, but I know He will.

Sorry for the sermon, I just had to share that with you. Just ask Grace. I'm in a very spiritual mood.

I hope Joel's interview goes well and that you continue to have peace in your heart and mind. I will keep you both in my prayers!

[FishermansWife4]

Oh my goodness! i'm praying Joel gets the job! That's fantastic news about the VP! I'm so glad you're renewed in your peace and Serenity. I'm praying everything goes well with your ob. It may be scary but i'm sure your determination for your precious lo will continue and over power your jitters. You're super strong, Michelle
Here's to your 2013 precious bundle of joy!

[MAS1313]

I am glad you were able to find peace last evening. Esp. after the morning and day you had. People just don't think before they speak sometimes...and words can really hurt.

God is faithful and I just know lots of good things are coming your way

And it is fun having a hubby work the same place as you! I can't wait to hear about his interview

[Ravado]

I am very happy to hear you have found peace again. I will pray for Dh's job interview! The other ladies have said it so well so I will just say we all have bad days which is what makes this site so great. It is such a safe place to vent and get out those feeling so you can move on and we are all her to help pick you up when you are feeling down.

[dri2011]

I'm glad you're feeling better ...looks like both of our bodies tricked us this month. So we'll be cycle buddies now and due date buddies in May. How does that sound??

[Kissthegirl]

I heart you girls so much, you have no idea. I seriously teared up reading all of these posts (emotional much? Eh.) so thank you so much!! Happy, happy hump day!!!

[Nicholle ttc]

I'm glad that you are in better spirits Michelle! Just know that we are there for you and hoping and praying that you get your BFP soon! Of course, it's always up to HIM and HE has a plan for all of us! I wish I could give you a real hug in person!

[KristyR]

Michelle First of all you really should talk to HR for now on about anyone at work mentioning being pregnant to you. That is so wrong. It's not acceptable at all!

And that's awesome that you found peace. God is awesome and He speaks to us in many ways. At our church after praise/worship I always get this amazing feeling over me that sticks with me through the week(or at least I try to let it stick with me but with this TTC business it gets hard).

Thank YOU Michelle for everything you do for us ladies here on the board. You're such a blessing. Don't worry about being "negative". You aren't rubbing anything off on us. TTC is a rough journey and I think TTCing itself is what brings out the negativity in all of us...it's just hard going from cycle to cycle with nothing to show for. Thank you though for your prayers and peace over us. I can def feel them!

We all love you here and thank you for sharing your update! Praying for Joel getting his job! You guys deserve it!

[Branduxa]

I'm glad you've found your peace. I can't wait for the day of seeing you share the news of a BFP, because that day will come. God will answer your prayers.

Also that's great news about Joel's job interview. I truly hope he gets the job!!!

[Wishinfor2ndblessing]

Originally Posted by -Brandy-

Michelle you are such an amazing person and your strength never ceases to amaze me. Each month you get beat up and then come back with even more faith. I love this about you, it is so nice being with you/following you on this journey. Your spirit is contagious and you definitely infect JM boards with it.

So prooud of you!

You are an inspiration to so many people. To see your faith build each and every month is amazing, and inspiring. Its a blessing and an honor to with you/following you on this journey.

[ninja_mommy]

We've had a heart to heart on this before so you know where I stand And I think statistically speaking you have a better chance conceiving when BD'ing a couple days before.
I really hope you can find some answers and that you're prayers get answered. You are such a strong woman, but even the strongest have their low moments, so vent, complain, do whatever. Everyone is entitled to

[mrsb1029]

Don't apologize for venting. TTC makes a woman crazy and we are all entitled to venting and complaining about it once in awhile.

You are a very strong person and your strength inspires me

I hope you find some answers soon and I hope your hubby gets the job.

[WantingAnother]

I am glad you are feeling better. I hope as the days go on, you continue to feel at ease. God knows your perfect timing!! Here's to your May BFP!!!!!