[CyndiBear]

Well ladies, once again, I'm missing for a few days. I've been so mood swingy lately I don't wanna show my face at home, much less anywhere else.

Let's start with Friday. Friday, DH and I went looking for a dresser for our room, since he refuses to hang his clothes after work, and they have built up in a huge bile in the corner. So I suggested we look at some thrift stores, or garage sales...save some money and the he can at least throw his clothes into a dresser so I don't see them. Haha. So we went, searching, and spent the entire day at store after store with no luck. Finally he said we should just go to Ikea. I felt kind of defeted, since I really wanted to save some money, and I enjoy garage sales/thrift stores and I can never get him to go with me to one for more than 15 minutes...But I gave in and we went to IKEA. I know it seems dumb to be upset over it, but I don't know what has been wrong with me, and it really made me upset. Anyway, I tried to not take it out on him, since I knew he was just trying to make it easier on me, and he didn't deserve any of my anger. So, off we went to IKEA, which is usually very fun for me, since I'm always looking to do up my house. He could tell I wasn't myself and was very sweet, letting me walk through the entire store and even buying me a shelf for the kitchen, and a painting for the living room, along with the dresser. The only problem with this trip, is that no less (I'm not even exagerating) than HALF of the women we saw were pregnant....shopping for cribs and high chairs or with their little ones, getting a new "big kid" bed....usually my baby fever makes me want to coo over any little ones or baby bellies I see, but for some reason, this time it made me angry. I really just wanted to leave, go home where there aren't any babies or reminders that I'm not pregnant yet, even after two years of trying.

When we finally got home, DH was called in to screen a client at work, which left me home alone with his teenage son to build this dresser and get it set up.....Which usually would be fine, but he decided that he didn't wanna help me, and dissapeared to his girlfriend's house. Now, I'm pretty handy for a lady, but I don't have a **** clue how to build a dresser, and the instruction booklet didn't have names or numbers on the parts or anything. It ended up taking me almost 4 hours to finish this thing. Then I had to organize, fold and put away all his work clothes, made dinner, and finnish the chores I didn't do trying to save money, that we didn't save anyway. I went to bed that night thinking, tomorrow is a new day, and everything will be better.

Well I was wrong...But I woke up in good spirits, and thinking positive. Got to work cleaning my room, and bathroom. Just got finnished changing my sheets, when I got a call from my grandma, telling me that my dad was in the hospital (again) but this time, it was for an overdose, and I had to get there right away. I was hysterical, since I've already lost my mom to overdose, and am terrified of what could happen to my dad. I threw on some clean clothes, called DH to come pick me up and take me to the hospital and spent the day there with my dad, grandma and sister. Like it wasn't hard enough to be next to my dying dad, my grandma decided that it was a good time to get on me about my life choices and my weight. It seems like she will NEVER miss an opportunity to tell me that I'm fat. She also likes to tell me that it was a horrible decision for me to quit my job to focus on ttc, and that I rely on my husband too much to take care of me and I should be more independednt and blah blah blah....Yet my sister is a perfect princess, and she has three kids, no job, and a boyfriend who owns a struggling medical marijuana dispesary. I graduated high school, I graduated college, I have a wonderful career helping people like my parents recover from drug/alcohol dependency, I have a wonderful husband, and didn't start trying to have a baby until I was ready, none of which my sister did, but she's perfect, and I'm a failure? Okay grandma.

Anyway, spent the day there, and after hours and hours of hearing what a horrible person I am, I exused myself and went home. Spent the morning this morning at the hospital and just came home to a dirty house that I can't even get myself on my feet to clean....Along with a fight with my ONLY friend in the world, because she has decided to side with my grandma when I called her to cry about it. Not on the fat thing, but about me depending on DH too much....which doesn't make sense to me at all, since I just recently quit my job, Just recently became a housewife, and just recently decided that staying home with my family is more important than going out and drinking and partying with the single people. I mean I'm married, I have stepkids....I'm just trying to do right by my family. She has been so mad at me lately because I don't want to go out and party with her...I offer going to dinner, having a few drinks, having girls nights....but everytime we hang out, she brings her group of friends, which is fine, except that they are a group of 4 guys, and I don't think it's appropriate for a married woman to go out bar hopping with 4 men. She doesn't get that....UGHHH I'm so frustrated!

On the bright side, I have a beautiful husband, who loves me so much, and supports and loves me no matter how mean I am to him for no reason.

Also, my period was supposed to start today, which didn't happen....not even any spotting. I'm not getting excited just yet, because last time I did that wasn't a pretty picture. No real symptoms....sore breasts, tired, headache, bloating, oversensitivity.....but all pretty normal for Pre AF for me. Who knows....We'll just have to wait and see.

Sorry ladies. I don't have anywhere else to vent.

[Ravado]

Awww, I am sorry you are having such a rough couple of days. Feel free to vent anytime. I always find it better to get my feeling out rather than bottling them up even if it is to a group of sorta strangers (though theses strangers know more about my sex life than anyone else in this world lol). I hope things star to look up and your life descions are just that, yours. Don't let other people try to tell you anything different. We all try our best. I am very sorry to hear about your dad. Lots of prayers to you and your family and I hope the witch stays far away.

[LaceyMay2630]

Awe Cynthia, I'm so sorry! These last couple days sound awful Don't feel bad about ranting, I've said it once, I'll say it again... We need to vent You've got to get it out there girl. Your hubby is an amazing man, and you're doing everything right. He loves you and his kids love you. Keep your head up girly. We're all here for you

[Purple_cat]

That sounds like a rough couple of days. How is your dad doing? I don't have any advice, just

[Rowans_momma7911]

Your hubby sounds like a great guy and you sound like a wonderful person. Don't let them bring you down. I have been there with feeling like everyone around you is pregnant. Some days are better then others. Push through and know that you have all of us who are in the same boat. We all understand. Hope you feel better sweetie!

[LilBeesMum]

rant away!

As for your gramma harping on you... its not right, at all. I wonder though... my ex-roomie went through a similar thing with her mom. It turned out that because the younger daughter had went so... wrong? I guess... that the mother placed basically all her hopes and dreams on Iza turning out *right* in every way. It resulted in her basically never being able to do ANYTHING right.

Do you think it could be a similar situation for you and your gramma?

[Lucky Mama]

Oh, Cynthia. I'm so sorry you've had such a hard couple of days. It sounds like you've had more on your plate in the last two days than most people deal with in a month. I'm so sorry to hear about your dad and I'll keep you and your family in my prayers. Your grandma and friend are out if line, IMO. It sounds like you are doing things right. I wish I could manage a house, chores, a family, and daily stress as gracefully as you do.

Don't ever hesitate to vent here. IMHO, you don't have to have known someone IRL for years or know everything about someone to be friends. A friend can just be someone who cares about you and is there when you need support. So, you have a whole bunch of friends in us! We all care about you! Hang in there.


P.S. I hope AF stays away and you get some really good news soon to counteract all the stress you're having. Fx'd!

[ninja_mommy]

I have vented on this board for the smallest of things, so rant away!

[CyndiBear]

Originally Posted by Purple_cat

That sounds like a rough couple of days. How is your dad doing? I don't have any advice, just

He's still on the breathing machines....Don't know if he's gonna be okay this time....he's pushed it too far wayyy too many times. This is the third overdose in the last year.

Originally Posted by LilBeesMum

rant away!

As for your gramma harping on you... its not right, at all. I wonder though... my ex-roomie went through a similar thing with her mom. It turned out that because the younger daughter had went so... wrong? I guess... that the mother placed basically all her hopes and dreams on Iza turning out *right* in every way. It resulted in her basically never being able to do ANYTHING right.

Do you think it could be a similar situation for you and your gramma?

It could be something like that....I mean my dad still lives with her on drugs and his brother isn't much better....then my sister is a mess and I'm the only one who is doing anything positive, but it seems like no matter what I tell her it's not good enough....I don't have a lot of family and would love to have her in my life but not at the cost of my sanity....I litterally came home and cried for hours because she said I was fat....she just knows exactly how to push my buttons and I don't know how to fix our relationship.

Originally Posted by Lucky Mama

Oh, Cynthia. I'm so sorry you've had such a hard couple of days. It sounds like you've had more on your plate in the last two days than most people deal with in a month. I'm so sorry to hear about your dad and I'll keep you and your family in my prayers. Your grandma and friend are out if line, IMO. It sounds like you are doing things right. I wish I could manage a house, chores, a family, and daily stress as gracefully as you do.

Don't ever hesitate to vent here. IMHO, you don't have to have known someone IRL for years or know everything about someone to be friends. A friend can just be someone who cares about you and is there when you need support. So, you have a whole bunch of friends in us! We all care about you! Hang in there.


P.S. I hope AF stays away and you get some really good news soon to counteract all the stress you're having. Fx'd!

You're right....always the positive thinker! I wish I could think like you! Here's hoping AF doesn't show.....Hasn't yet!

[Aillidh]

I am so, so sorry about your dad and everything that's happened, Cyndi. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers, hopefully everything will be okay.

[CyndiBear]

Thankyou!

[Caerus]

What a couple of days, that is just awful!

Just try to remember that while your family may have problems, you can change your family tree by your own actions (and it sure sounds like you are doing that)!