[MegN]

Hello! I've been lurking for a long time and decided to post. Im sorry my first post is a rant but this just happened and it really upset me.
My husband and I have been thinking about it for a long time and have decided that we are going to TTC this fall. We're making a really informed decision and we're extremely excited and happy. During a phone call to my best friend today I shared this news and she flipped out on me! She told me that I'm not ready to have a baby and that I haven't thought about it enough. She said that I'm doing it for the wrong reasons (I didn't even get a chance to tell her my reasons for having a baby!) We live on a farm and she said that it's a bad environment for a baby. She even said that she wont be happy for me when I get pregnant and wont come see the baby when he/she is born! Then she said, "I love you but I have to go. This conversation is too upsetting." and hung up.

Im so stunned and hurt. She's in a very different place in her life and I understand that she years away from wanting kids but why this reaction toward me? The whole thing was very shocking and left me feeling down.

Thanks for letting me vent.

[Sawyers_Mommy]

First off, Glad to have you here!! I hope your stay here is short and sweet I"m sorry about your friends reaction, that was really uncalled for in my opinion! I hope that she will change her mind once you guys actually conceive.

[Momma2Chase]

I'm sorry about your friends reaction. I'm wondering if maybe she's jealous of the attention a baby would be getting from you-- maybe she's feeling like you won't have time for her anymore?

[sarah*]

So sorry your friend reacted like that.. do you think it could be Jealousy? is it her choice not to have children yet or is something stopping her? first thing i though when reading your post is she is jealous you are wanting a baby hope she comes around and realises she has been silly

[lilemma86]

Im sorry you had someone close to you have that bad of a reaction! I too live on a farm and think it is a GREAT place to raise a baby!! When we first started trying we told very few people because of the looks you can get some people or their comments. Plus when people know you are ttc they tend to read to much into anything you say. For instance "how are you feeling?" "kinda tired today" they give you this look like maybe your pregnant! we learned the hard way to keep it on the DL especially from people who are not thinking about having kids right now. Sorry this was so long, just close to my heart

Hope your stay is short!! and don't get your hopes up if it doesn't happen right away. I know it is hard not too but you will get pregnant eventually!

[CyndiBear]

That's why we haven't really told many people that we are trying....our journey ttc has been long, but very few people know we are even trying. My best friend didn't have the best reaction either when I told her, but I think it just had to do with that she isn't ready for kids, so she doesn't think I am, even though I know better for myself than she does. Hopefully she comes around once she realizes that it's real, and not just talk.

Welcome though! JM is a GREAT support system, and the ladies here are helping me through SO MUCH MORE than just ttc right now. Hope your stay is short!

[LaceyMay2630]

Welcome to the board, and don't apologize for ranting. Rant away sister!! I am so sorry that your friend is so unsupportive. DH and I are in the back country, not farm lands but still pretty secluded, and we're very excited and happy to bring a baby into this world.

I'd have to agree with some of the other ladies on here and say, it sounds like jealousy. I hope you're able to sort things out with her, I'm sure she will come around once she realizes what a blessing a baby is. Keep your head up hun, we're all here for you

[ninja_mommy]

I agree with the other ladies. Your friends sounds jealous or like you might not have enough time for her anymore. People often act to selfishly. I think you handled the conversation well by ending it the way you did and not allowing either or you to argue or say anything out of hurt.
I hope your journey of TTC goes quickly and without any problems

[MegN]

Thank you for your kind words, ladies!
I hope she will come around once it really happens. It would break my heart if she didnt want to see my child. I hadnt thought of jealousy but we are really close and lived together and traveled around the country before I met my husband. She even traveled with the two of us for a little while. Maybe she's having a hard time coming to terms with the fact that that part of my life is over?
She's a big partier and hasn't ever had a serious relationship so maybe she just doesn't understand someone wanting to make such a big decision.

[MrsMommy]

Hello!! Welcome!!! I'm really sorry you have to deal with this! I had a best friend who wasn't supportive, and you know what? We just went our separate ways. Not saying that is the best option for you of course, but in the end I found out her being jealous of me was just the tip of the iceberg of all her jealousy she bottled up over the years. I realized she really wasn't a true friend after all. The saying is You find out who your true friends are after a baby comes into play, its true. Some people you never thought would be there for you are and others you expected to be there aren't. Sometimes its the difference in life phases sometimes its a whole lot more than that. I'd let her cool down and then talk to her, make the effort to see what's on her mind and explain how you feel as well. But if she just isn't willing to work on it with you and is continuing to belittle you and your plans than maybe its time to rethink your relationship as best friends. I wish you all the luck in getting this resolved and hope very much that you succeed very quickly in getting pregnant!!

[MegN]

I love this girl but if this is something that persists I know it would ruin our friendship. I don't need that negativity in my life, you know? I really hope I can talk to her and change her mind but my family comes first, always.

[Aillidh]

I'm so sorry you're dealing with negativity from friends. I don't know what's wrong with raising a baby on a farm but that sounds like a great place to grow up. My mam grew up on a farm and she loved it! Hopefully your TTC journey is short and sweet!

[FishermansWife4]

Welcome, dear! I hope your stay is short, sweet and that you and your friend reconcile. Don't worry about venting, we all do it

[Caerus]

Originally Posted by MegN

She's a big partier and hasn't ever had a serious relationship so maybe she just doesn't understand someone wanting to make such a big decision.

My guess is, you hit the nail on the head. I have a lot of friends who are busy being typical partying college students, and they still struggle with the idea that DH and I are married (I can't imagine their reactions to finding out we are TTC). Because they aren't ready to settle down, they can't imagine anybody else being ready.

I'm sorry your friend was so, well, rude. Hopefully she'll come around, especially once you actually get pregnant. She'll have nine months to get used to the idea after all.

[Lucky Mama]

First of all, hi and welcome!

I have a friend like that. We used to party together and be all dumb and irresponsible. Then I got married, and then got pergnant a year later. She was upset by it. She has determined she never wants kids and can't understand why I would have wanted to be a mom over being a crazy twenty-something, "living it up."

She's just in a different place in her life. She was upset because she knew my partying days were over and that I was going to be putting the needs of a little person ahead of my own needs and wants. Sometimes the things we don't understand cause fear and resentment. She might be worried she will lose you as a friend. She obviously handled things the wrong way, but her emotions might just come from a place of fear of losing her dear friend. Try to give her a little slack and talk about it with her later. Maybe she just needs a little time to understand that you having a baby won't change the fact that you two are friends or that you care about each other, even though it might change the nature of your friendship a little.

And the most important thing about your future baby's new home isn't the location or the amenities, it's the love that will be there! It won't matter one bit that you live on a farm as long as it's a place of love. I've always wanted to live on and raise our kids on a farm.

[Princess1978]

Please do not be offended because you obviously care a lot about this girl but I dont understand why a true friend would not say to you IF THAT WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY THEN IM HERE FOR YOU NO MATTER WHAT why cant she just be happy for you its like shes selfish and doesn't want to share you or cant stand to see you happier than her there was no reason she couldnt voice her opinions or concerns and be happy for you, but not come off the way she did PLENTY OF BABIES WERE BORN & RAISED IN FARMS YEARS AGO WHEN THERE WAS NO TECHNOLOGY, so whats he big deal

[Ravado]

I was just thinking last night how much I was loving raising my daughter on a small farm last night. I was showing her the baby robins that had hatched and thinking how incredible it is that I get to raise my daughter being surrounded by nature and open spaces. Really, I do not think kids really care where they are raised as long as they have a loving, caring environment which I am sure you will provide. I am sure your friend is just projecting as she can not see herself having a baby, but luckily, you are not her. Saying she will not come see the baby is taking it a bit far. Just do what is right for you and do not worry about her opinion. GL!

[mal91011]

Oh girl i went through/going through this same exact thing. My BFF wasn't thrilled when we told her we were ttc. After a while she finally got used to it, but i think she still has issues with it. And when we first started TTCing i told her we would not be telling anybody, including her, for 8-12 weeks. You would have though world war 3 had started. I couldn't believe how she was turning something that had nothing to do with her into something totally about her.

There's a 5 year age difference between us and sometimes it really shows. I don't even think when i was her age though i was that immature. And i know it's all jealousy. My life has changed so much over the past three years and she just keeps doing what she always does.

We'll see how our friendship goes now that i am actually pg.

[MegN]

You ladies really are an awesome support resource. I'm impressed by this community!

She sent me a text last night saying that she thinks she should talk to my other good friend who she's never even met because they live in different states. I asked her why and she didnt answer. I haven't told the other friend that we're TTC. I don't really know what she's getting at.

On another note...AF is 4 days late!

[Lucky Mama]

Four days late?! Have you tested yet? Maybe your TTC journey is already coming to a close!

P.S. Your friend is more than a little out of line, if you want my honest opinion. It's not her job to gossip about you to your other friend (someone she's never even met). I hope a little time will mellow her out, because her behavior is super bizarre.